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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Struggling. - January 24th 2016, 03:59 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So.. I have been feeling pretty positive and haven't been cutting myself. (6 days clean) However, I feel like everything I look in the mirror or even just see myself I have so many horrible thoughts. I physically think every time I look in the mirror I look bigger. And I need to lose weight. Which leads to stuff I know I'm over weight like my doctor has told me that. I have medical issues that make it 1,0000 times harder for me to lose weight then the average person. (No, it's not an excuse for me being over weight.) I know I will always hate myself until I think I look good. I know I will. I have constant comparisons to remind me I look like crap and I'm fat. I have two sisters who are gorgeous. Both younger than me and I feel ashamed to be there older sister! Someone they look up to. I'm ashamed. I also blame all my friends that have left me on my weight. I feel they're ashamed to be with me.. So anyways. I just am struggling. I know how un healthy it is for me to binge, starve, and purge. I just want to lose weight so bad!!! Or else, I will have this self hatred. Ughhh, why!!
On the bright side it's snowing That had nothing to do with this but trying to keep at least a bit of positivity..


Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. ~Oscar Wilde.
   
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Re: Struggling. - January 24th 2016, 07:46 PM

Hey,

First of all, well done on being clean for 6 days. That's a massive accomplishment and you should be really proud of yourself- I know I'm proud of you.

I'm glad you realise the thoughts are unhealthy. It's not uncommon to have thoughts and urges cross over, and so you may find the increasing intensity of these thoughts has something to do with stopping self harm. Of course, stopping self harm is a good thing! But it serves as a coping mechanism, and you have to be careful you don't replace self harm with eating problems as a coping mechanism, because that's just as bad (and technically a form of self harm, too). Just something to be aware of, so remember that!

It's highly unlikely you're changing shape every time you look in the mirror and the chances are this is your mind playing tricks on you. How you feel has an impact on how you see yourself, and so you might find on days where you're happy you don't feel so bad about yourself, whereas on days where you're already down you might feel incredibly hateful towards your body. Something to remember is that, even if you're overweight medically, that's all that is. That does not make you a bad person, it doesn't make you lazy, it does not make you unbeautiful, it does not make you any of the words our society attributes to the word fat. All it means is that you might be medically healthier if you lost weight. Just like you'd be medically healthier if you ate tons of vegetables, or, I don't know, went to annual check ups at the doctors. Your weight is not a reflection of your personality or you as a person and I want you to remember that when you're thinking of being a role model.

Your weight doesn't have anything to do with who you are and the example you set. Your sisters love you, I doubt they're ashamed of you at all. Be a role model in your behaviours, in how kind you are, in how you act around others, in how hard you work. You've already proven how strong you are by starting to beat self harm, so show your strength to your sisters. I know these thoughts can be hard to ignore, they can be hard to challenge. But losing weight will not make you like yourself. That comes as a result of hard work in accepting your body for what it is (a vessel for you, your thoughts, your actions, nothing more), not by losing weight. Trust me on this one!

I wouldn't reccommend trying to lose weight while you're having these thoughts. That's a dangerous path and I would only reccommend losing weight with the help of a doctor who is aware you experience these thoughts.

And I wish it was snowing where I was! Enjoy it! x



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Re: Struggling. - January 25th 2016, 04:24 AM

Thank you so much! I really needed to hear this I wish myself (towards myself) and most our society agreed with everything you have said I really appreciate you taking the time to give me these encouraging words!


Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. ~Oscar Wilde.
   
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