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Why? - February 27th 2016, 11:00 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I was at a crisis residential center for a week and on Thursday we went to a NAMI dinner. I was so anxious and nervous and I couldn't concentrate. anyways we ate and then I had asked where the bathroom was. So Sara the staff went with me because she had to pee. She was in the stall next to me. I could handle the stress and anxiousness I felt. So I purged the thing is I almost got it on Sara but she moved her foot quickly that it didn't get on her.

I want to know why after I purged I felt a high like nothing could bother me. I was still anxious and very anxious on the way back and when I got the the place I used my weighted blanket and hugged my pillow pet and waited for her to get back from her break so she could talk to me. I told her I was sorry if it got on her. She said she has been in worse situations. And she thought it was on purpose until I told her. Then she asked why I didn't ask to talk to her. The thing is she was having a good time I didn't want to bother her with my stupid as problems but she said that is what she is there for.

I just want to know why it gave my a sense of accomplishment and a high like nothing could bother me. Why does it do that? And why did I feel so guilty and Anxious after it went away.

Why do I always go back to this when I am uncomfortable.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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Re: Why? - February 29th 2016, 06:51 PM

Hey,

I think I read somewhere that your body actually releases endorphins after you throw up as a protective mechansim, the same way it does when you get hurt. These endophins are what makes it feel good. I can't find a scientific source right now but I did find this:
Quote:
This binge-purge cycle causes the body’s endorphins is misfire, producing an unnatural high. This “high” feeling is addicting
.

Presumably it's when the effects of these endorphins wear off that you start feeling anxious and guilty and awful. I'm glad you were at a residential treatment centre though! Does that mean you're now receiving treatment? I know how hard you worked to find somewhere.

I hope you're doing okay!
Laura



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_Headphones_ Offline
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Re: Why? - February 29th 2016, 09:23 PM

no that was just a crisis one for a week. I am still working on the other one. which reminds me I have to get numbers for them.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
|PM/VM|


   
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