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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Milwaukee30 Offline
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My wife has been purging.. - January 21st 2017, 07:54 AM

Hey everyone, first time posting in here and I need some help/advice! I have been noticing my wife has been purging after almost every meal we eat, and has been for a couple months now. I would like to know how I can approach her and talk to her about this without her being defensive, upset, or in denial and lie about it. Please help!
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Re: My wife has been purging.. - January 21st 2017, 05:48 PM

First of all Welcome to TH.
I am so sorry that your wife is going through this. I, myself am bulimic and know what she is going through.

My advice would be to sit her down and just tell her your concerns. Don't accuse her of anything because that will not have a good outcome. Maybe say something along the lines of "I have noticed you going to the bathroom after every meal, is there something you would like to tell me?" she may say everything is fine. Eating disorders is all about secrets and lying. So please don't feel like she doesn't trust you if she doesn't tell the truth. I would also sit there and say something like "I will be here when ever you need me. I will not judge you, or yell at you when you tell me stuff" just reassure her that she won't get into trouble with you and that you are there no matter what. You could also tell her about this site and have her check it out. She doesn't need to know you are on here or your username and you don't need to know hers that way there is some privacy.

I hope this helped a little bit. If you ever need to talk, vent or need advice I am always a PM/VM away.

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Re: My wife has been purging.. - January 22nd 2017, 01:00 AM

Honestly, there are no guarantees that when you talk her she won't get defensive or lie. I know that I am currently purging and the times that I do I get really defensive if my boyfriend makes a comment about me being sick and I lie. The initial response for a lot of people when confronted with their eating disorder is to lie and get defensive. I think the key is to let your wife know that you love her and you are worried about her. Maybe bring up the dangers of purging. Show her as much love as you can and hopefully that will help if she starts to get defensive or starts to lie.

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Re: My wife has been purging.. - January 22nd 2017, 04:46 AM

Thank you both so much! That's some good advice that I'll use. I want to get all my ducks in a row, before I say anything. It just tears me up inside to know she's doing that! I tell her she's beautiful and gorgeous and sexy all the time! I tell her that she turns me on and all that! Do y'all think that helps at all?? I just love her so much, and she just wants to lose weight. She only ate edited calories yesterday, and I told her it just worries me that she isn't being healthy! We're going to be trying to get pregnant in the next 6 months and I want her to be healthy going into the pregnancy! I understand she wants to lose some weight, but I want her to do it the right way! I think she's the most beautiful most gorgeous woman in the whole world, I just wish that she could see what I see!

Last edited by Hypothesis.; January 22nd 2017 at 05:29 PM. Reason: Please don't include calorie or weight numbers. :)
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Re: My wife has been purging.. - January 23rd 2017, 01:03 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that your wife is purging so much. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to watch her go through that.

As someone who has been on your wife's side of things, I do want you to know that your compliments most likely are not going unnoticed. However, until she starts to see her body in a positive light herself, it's going to be difficult for her to really believe the compliments that you or anyone else in her life give her. If it seems like she's not being receptive to your words, don't take it personally. This is just one of those things that runs so much deeper.

One of the best things that you can do for your wife is to show her that you are there for her, regardless of what she is going through. While telling her this is also helpful, your actions will inevitably speak so much louder than your words. It's entirely possible that she will get defensive or lie to you when you bring up purging to her, but resist the urge to push the issue. Instead, let her know that you were simply concerned, that you're always willing to listen if there is anything that she needs to talk about, and that you love her unconditionally. From there, focus on doing small things to remind her that you support her. The more she sees that her struggles are not going to push you away from her, the more likely she is to eventually come around and open up to you.

Remember that her recovery is going to be a long, sometimes difficult process for the both of you. But, you can and will get through it...and she will come out so much stronger in the end.

If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a PM!

Take care,

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Re: My wife has been purging.. - January 23rd 2017, 05:48 PM


Thank you for reaching out for some support in regards to the issue going on with your wife. You seem like a lovely person and I am genuinly glad she has someone like you who is looking out for her and wanting and willing to support her and help her through this.

Saying those things might mean a lot to her however, eating disorders are not always about weight. While they sometimes can be or can be initially triggered of by this, they can often be caused by a trigger by something more complicated such as how a person is feeling (IE,, low, depressed, unworthy, unloved, guilty etc) or can even be a form of control if they feel out of control in other ways or can even be a unhealthy coping technique to help them manage something which is bothering them (past, present or future). So while telling her she is beautiful etc and while it is always nice to hear this from your other half, it might not relate in her brain, to the eating habits she has developed.

In all honesty, I would suggest you sit her down and explain you are aware of the fact the she is purging and simply tell her that you love and care for her and you are worried and want to help. Offer to be there for her when she needs to be held, a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent or rant too. These things can mean so much to people going through something difficult. Allow her time to speak if she wants too but never force her into talking. Just make her aware you are always there to listen to her whenever she needs.

You could also bring up the idea of her speaking to her GP/Doctor to discuss the on-going issue and what support can be put in place for you wife and you can even pass on this site's web address so she can come here and seek help from us for help and support too. We are always happy to help as much and as best as we can do.

I really hope things begin to look up for you both. I wish you all the best.

Hope and wishes

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Re: My wife has been purging.. - January 23rd 2017, 06:49 PM

Thank you all so much! I can't express my gratitude and the relief you've brought to me! Thank you so so much!
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