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Lionheart Offline
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Name: Oliver
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How can I stopp people from commenting on my weight and looks and eating habbits? - February 1st 2017, 02:43 PM

Currently my roommate is trying to loose weight. If you ask me she's perfectly fine, shes beautiful and has an amazing body but when I tell her, that she doesn't need to loose weight she just snapps at me and gets angry and tells me she feels ugly and fat all the time.
She once told me that she was teased a lot in middle school and made fun of and they called her fat and ugly, which is why she is very self consciouse about her weight and since BMI says shes slightly over weight she desperately wants to get rid of that weight.
I can understand that much.
The problem is, that she is dragging me into it.
Like, she'll say that she wants my weight (we have the same height so we are actually comparable) and that she wished she would be as thin as me. And then sometimes she goes on about how I'm eating so much, that I'm always eating and how shes doing a lot more sports than me and eating less and I'm still thiner than her and how it's unfair.
Additionaly to that, I don't thing we look much different. Like, if I had to compare our weith simply by our looks I'd say we were the same weight.
And then all the talking about how I eat so much and never do sports (I'm sick at the moment so I can't. I actually do sports when I'm healthy, it's not like I never do anything) just gets to me.
And yes maybe she has some fat, but it's in all the right places and makes her look amazing, I on the other hand collect all my fat at my stomache and I just feel horrible listening to her.
As I said, I think we look about the same weight so when she says she looks fat, doesn't that mean I look fat to? And that I should do more sports and eat less, like her, to get to a good weight and at the same time I know that my weight is lower than hers, but it doesn't feel like it and the constant comparison and getting called out on the amount of food I eat is just fucking me up.
I already stoped commenting when she tells me about how much sports she did and her new plans to eat healthy and with low calories and stuff so at least she doesn't snapp at me or compare my habbits to hers anymore. But the second other people start saying something it starts again. Especially when we're eating.
And I don't know how to get her to stopp. I can't tell her, because she'll ask why and then I would have to explain and while I'm working on being more open and trusting I'm not ready for that kind of conversation. Especially since I have a friend who had a eating disorder and was in hospital and everything and it just feels like I'm being over dramatic and an attention seeking bitch, when I suddenly bring something like that up. Afterall its not like I have an ED. I simply struggle with disorder eating from time to time.
It's just that currently it's a bit to much and stuff with all the comments and constant talk about weight and calories and sports and I'm in a lot of stress because of exams right now which is triggering in itself.
And really I just want people to stop comparing me or commenting about how I'm thin or not thin.
Honestly I'm at a loose right now. It's not like the feeling of being hungry and not wanting to eat something is unfamiliar to me, but with all the comments I've been getting recently it just feels so much worse. Like usually I'd force myself to eat something, even if it's just a little. Because I'm trying to remain healthy and EDs are scary so even when I'm in a phase of disordered eating I usually eat at least twice a day. But right now I can't even do that. Because I eat so much that apparently one meal is enough for the whole day. And I know how stupid that actually is, but I can't get the thought out of my head how she is trying to loose weight and I'm being a lazy ass stuffing myself with food all day and becoming more and more ugly and disgusting...
I guess that turned into one big rant but really, I just want people to stop talking about weight and diets and food and who is eating what. Like, even the TV is constantly announcing how you have to loose weight and shit and I just want to world to shut up for a few days so I can sort myself out again and not get draged into this thought pattern.

It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

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del677 Offline
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Re: How can I stopp people from commenting on my weight and looks and eating habbits? - February 1st 2017, 07:28 PM

It's the stress. So common in school and college. I suggest try mind training exercises which mitigate stress, like yoga, meditation (can be great if done in a group. Mind unconsciously picks up other people are calm, so I'll be calm too.) Numerous guided meditation apps you can try. ( e.g. Headspace). Anything that focuses your mind on anything other than weight and roommates.

We try and rationalize our way out of these emotional states and it doesn't work. We need to fight stress emotion with calm emotion. Stress is caused by thinking. We can induce calm by not thinking. Meditation is training the mind to not think but instead just observe. When a thought enters your mind, let it go and return your focus to the present moment and just observe. This slowly trains the mind and stress and anxiety decreases.

The benefit is all those other problems become OK to have. We don't fix problems, we make it OK to have problems.

The problem really wasn't the problem, the problem was my emotional reaction to the problem. (There are actually 2 problems: the original problem, and my emotional reaction to it. The first may be out of my control, the latter I can work on.)
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