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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Jovial. Offline
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Can't get a handle on this - April 18th 2017, 06:19 AM

I have really really been struggling lately.
I can't handle eating in front of other people I panic really badly. I spent Easter with a friend and it was great, but they always make me eat when I am over. I don't let food touch and I eat it in a counter clockwise rotation hoping that having some control on it will make it a little less horrible, but it doesn't much. I still shut down, I was trying really hard not to have a panic attack, so I just zoned out super bad, almost like lost touch with reality, my friends were talking to me but I couldn't hear them. I'm back to not eating and back to purging when I do eat. I just can't handle this. I haven't seen my therapist in 8 weeks so she doesn't know what is going on but I don't know that I can even tell her before her vacation I relapsed with SH and she told me she was super dissapointed in me. I don't know why the slide, but my anxiety, and my urges, and the struggle with ED has been horrible and I don't know how to make it stop.




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Re: Can't get a handle on this - April 18th 2017, 10:08 PM

Trish, I am sorry you are struggling right now. Why haven't seen your counselor in eight weeks? Are you feeling bad that you've let her down? She probably understands to an extent that you are struggling, and relapses of any sort can happen during recovery. I suggest making an appointment with her to talk about your SH and restricting and purging.
   
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Re: Can't get a handle on this - April 19th 2017, 09:59 AM

She has been on vacation




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Re: Can't get a handle on this - April 26th 2017, 06:05 AM

I'm sorry your therapist was disappointed in you. That doesn't sound like a helpful therapeutic response.

Have you seen a doctor or psychiatrist doctor about these issues? It sounds like a medical issue.

The part about not letting food touch and eating in a counter clockwise rotation reminded me of Asperger's. Has anyone ever suggested that as a possibility? (I can't really say based on just that. It's just a possible direction to look into.)

The rest sounds like classic medical issues that a doctor can treat: the almost lost touch with reality, super anxiety, not eating, purging, eating disorders, self harm. Have you tried any medications yet? There are a lot of different ones to try. It may take a long time trying different ones to find the one that works for you. It can be really great when you find the one that actually works for you. Best wishes!
   
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Re: Can't get a handle on this - April 28th 2017, 03:11 AM

Yes. I have tried but loads of medication. I was on a bunch but then I got pregnant and had to stop taking them when I had my son. Now with the way our insurance is I can not afford to go back on them and I have tried every avenue around it but it just is not in my budget as a single mom.

I do not have Asperger or any form of autism on the spectrum. Those things developed the first time I tried recovering from my ED because I thought that having more control over the situation would make it easier to manage but it doesn't much anymore it just makes me panic if I don't eat in that manner. I don;t have a PCP either as with this insurance I can't afford that either. The only reason I still have a therapist is because she does not charge me to see me as I have been seeing her 5 years and she knows that I would fall apart 100% without therapy.




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