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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Decided to give up on recovery PG13 - May 13th 2017, 10:05 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

firstly sorry for being miserable.


Last week I had a horrible week.

Firstly it all started out with my doctor being happy because I hit what was considered a normal weight for my height etc. I started eating my personalised meal plan it was going so well I was exercising and everything but not over exercising I was eating and maintaining very well. Then last week started the 2nd week of my so called weight restoration new life! I binged 5 days straight I do not consider myself a massive binge eater each day I really overate I brushed it off but I am not going to lie I did start restricting again and I promised I would only restrict until the binge weight was off. I was doing well I felt like I was losing the small amount of weight which I did gain I can not be certain because I am trying not to weigh myself because I am trying to be more kind to myself mentally.

I also binged this last few 2 days as well. I feel like the binge eating has stopped now but I have defiantly gone over the minimal recovery weight and I refuse to recovery now fuck recovery I can't do this anymore.

Has anyone else tried recovering? Has anyone got any advice they can give me.

I hope you all are having a lovely Saturday I love you all x
   
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Re: Decided to give up on recovery PG13 - May 13th 2017, 11:15 PM

Hey again, Justin. Tired of me yet?

Recovery is hard. It really is. If it's any comfort, I'm in recovery too. I've been in recovery for about seven years now and only seriously for the past two. I've never stopped being in recovery, but there were many times where I stopped wanting to make the effort because it just seemed easier to just give into the urges to use symptoms again.

There are days when I 'fall off the wagon' where I might not follow my meal plan how I should. I had two consecutive days this week where I did that. What I did was pick myself back up from feeling horrible about myself and started at the next meal with getting back on track with my meal plan. It's an up and down thing. Recovery is never really linear. There will be ups and downs and bumps in the road, but it doesn't mean you'll never get to a point in recovery where you eat intuitively.

I know how difficult weight restoration and being above the minimum can be. It's hard. If you don't already, I would really suggest not weighing yourself at home. Maybe even doing back-to-scale when getting weighed at the doctor. You don't need to give up on recovery because you aren't at the minimum now. You really should try to not compensate for bingeing, too. It just keeps the binge-restrict-binge-restrict cycle in motion. You binge and then you restrict, but that will only make you more likely to binge again because you are depriving your body of the nutrients it needs to function. So you crave food again and when you 'give in' you end up eating more than you normally would. The the cycle just keeps continuing. It's a very slippery slope because then you're likely to start over exercising to compensate again. It's not fun and hopefully you don't want to be back at a point where you're underweight and even more miserable again.

Be kind to yourself for hitting this bump in the road. It's okay and it happens. Pick back up tomorrow with following your meal plan and try not to restrict to compensate. You can do this, Justin.


“There is nothing beautiful about the wreckage of a human being.
There is nothing pretty about damage, about pain, about heartache.
What is beautiful is their strength, their resilience, their fortitude
as they display an ocean of courage when they pick through the
wreckage of their life to build something beautiful brand new,
against every odd that is stacked against them.” — Nikita Gill
   
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Re: Decided to give up on recovery PG13 - May 13th 2017, 11:36 PM

Ive never binge ate before I'm so sceard I don't want to live anymore.
   
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Re: Decided to give up on recovery PG13 - May 14th 2017, 12:23 AM

I understand that. I really do. It can be really scary when you realize how an eating disorder can damage your health and also be scary when you act on different symptoms than before. You have to keep pushing forward, though. There will be rough days. Sometimes rough weeks or rough months. But the thing is that things don't stay that way. There's always better days ahead.

Understandably you feel like crap and maybe even hopeless or suicidal. I get that because it can seem hopeless sometimes, but it's never hopeless. Acting on any ED symptom can make one feel shame or guilt over acting on the symptom. The solution is not to try to counteract one symptom with another because then there will be another and another. It's a very slippery slope.

Can you possibly discuss with your doctor how you can work on relapse prevention? For some people seeing a therapist is helpful, but I'm not very knowledgeable about health care systems outside of my own. I think it's important to have healthy coping mechanisms to utilize when you do act on a symptom and also to use before you act on one. I personally like to knit and make pot holders. But there's so many other things. I also have a rule of thumb where if I feel suicidal or like I want to hurt myself in anyway that I have to get a full night of rest before I even consider actually acting on the urge. I use that with ED symptoms, too. Usually once I wake up I feel better. If I don't, then I'll push myself to talk with someone first.

I know it's a hard fight to be in recovery and it's all easier said than done, but things do get easier. It will not always be like this and there will always be rough spots, but you just tackle them to get to a better place. Try to follow your meal plan again tomorrow and feed your body the nutrients it needs. The more you follow your meal plan the less likely you will be to want to binge outside of it because you body should hopefully be satisfied. There still might be urges to binge, but I find they're much easier to tackle when I've been following my meal plan.

Hang in there, Justin. You've got this thing.


“There is nothing beautiful about the wreckage of a human being.
There is nothing pretty about damage, about pain, about heartache.
What is beautiful is their strength, their resilience, their fortitude
as they display an ocean of courage when they pick through the
wreckage of their life to build something beautiful brand new,
against every odd that is stacked against them.” — Nikita Gill
   
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Re: Decided to give up on recovery PG13 - May 16th 2017, 12:53 PM

Hey Justin,

Recovery has its ups and downs, and I am so sorry you are struggling. You stated that you haven't binge ate before. It's normal to switch between different disordered eating habits and is very common. Unfortunately, your ED mind might be freaking out because binging is seen as the ultimate loss of control and it can be easy to think that eating less is the option.

If you binge, do not restrict the rest of the day or the next day. Not only is it bad for you, but it puts you at risk for binging more in the future. Binging is often the result of your body not getting enough food or not enough macronutrients. You may want to adjust your meal plan with your doctor to allow for larger portions, differential macronutrient breakup, or more frequent snacks to prevent future binges.

Talk to your therapist and doctor about these recent behaviors. What is happening is still part of your eating disorder and while you may be weight restored, you need additional psychological and behavioral work. It's okay.


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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