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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Me again. - September 27th 2017, 08:58 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

For anyone who has read my previous threads, sorry I think I'm going to mention the boy I like...again. Sorry

So after first period yesterday I came out of my class room first and I saw the guy I like right opposite me coming out of the 6th area...place. I think I actually stopped by the door and looked at him. Why I do these things I'll never know
He was on his own for once so I didn't feel weird or...anything (his friends usually laugh at me so...). He wasn't smiling like he usually does and he looked like he used to. This probably won't make sense, but I'll try to make it.
He used to seem so kind and sweet and now whenever I see him with his friends he looks...idk. The other day he laughed at me, so I guess he doesn't seem like a nice person anymore. But when I saw him today by himself he looked...cute and idk. I always wish that he could like me again, but today when I saw him I felt it more. I really like him. I wish I was good enough for him and that he would look at me like he used to. He looked really good.

So now, I have been restricting for 6 full days and liking him is...i guess encouraging me to carry on. This doesn't make much sense.
I like him a lot, and I honestly know that he will never feel the same anymore, but I want to look better.

I am actually making no sense, I'm so sorry.
I really want to eat and I feel trapped now. My mum bought a pack of Wispas and I really like those and wanted one but I can't because then I'll feel guilty and stuff. I keep thinking "when can I eat a chocolate? When can I eat properly again?" and I don't think it'll be for a while. I feel trapped now, I want to eat but I know I will feel so guilty and hate myself for doing it.

I just wanted a rant, sorry if this is hard to make sense of


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Re: Me again. - September 28th 2017, 05:28 AM

Hey,

The fact that you like this boy and it is contributing to your Disordered Eating makes a lot of sense in my opinion but maybe it is because I can relate. Back a few years ago, I got out of treatment and was still struggling with my eating disorder. I ended up meeting this guy and I developed a crush on him. This led to me restricting even more heavily than I was. For me, I knew that, to some extent, this guy was interested in me but I thought that if I lost enough weight this guy would be able to get past how off-putting my shyness was and talk to me.

I knew that that was an irrational way of thinking but eating disorders aren't ever rational. So, even if you can rationalize that this guy isn't interested and you know he won't ever feel interested...that doesn't mean that it can't still fuel the disordered eating behaviors.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about the behaviors you are dealing with? A professional might be able to help you work through the underlyin issues surrounding these behaviors. If you are able to identify those underlying issues and find coping skills and resolutions...you might be able to better overcome these behaviors.

Best of luck.


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Re: Me again. - September 28th 2017, 10:42 AM

I don't have anyone to talk to but the people on this site...

Thank you for your reply, it is nice to know that someone cares, and it was very helpful thank you x


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