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Name: sarah
Age: 19
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(also substance abuse trigger) feel awful - October 22nd 2017, 07:25 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

last night i was on the verge of bingeing after heavily starving myself all day so i took a couple of xanax and just said "fuck it" and basically ate everything i had. everything.
a few hours later i weighed myself and i gained a significant amount of weight. i know a decent amount of this is water weight/bulk weight but i still feel horrible. it's 3 am; i just got back from running for coffee as a laxative and i plan on going on the exercise bike to work off at least something.
i just don't know how to break this cycle. i go to a free psychologist at college but thats only once a week. i can't afford a psychiatrist and my family isn't supportive so i can't open up to them.
i feel absolutely disgusting.
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Re: (also substance abuse trigger) feel awful - October 28th 2017, 07:23 AM

Hey Sarah,

I am sorry you have not received a response. The first thing you should try to remember is that your weight does not define you. I know that, having disordered eating, can interfere with one's ability to realize that but it is important to know that you are so much more than your weight.

Something that might help is telling yourself positive affirmations when you are struggling. The more you replace the negative thoughts with positive the more likely you will be to start feeling a bit better. You won't feel 100% better but I have, personally, used positive affirmations and redirected my thoughts and it did help. For example, if you start hearing the ed voice telling you to partake in harmful behaviors or telling you that you are good enough, you can replace it with something more positive like 'I should not do negative things to myself. I need to nourish my body.' You could also say something simple like 'I am fine the way i am'. You might not always believe it but I was once told that 'you have to fake it till you make it'

Have you talked to the counselor about trying to get more sessions or looking in to groups that you might be able to go too? If not you could try discussing that with him and see if he can help. Also, in regards to a psychiatrist, you might be able to talk to the counselor you are working with. Sometimes they know psychiatrist who will see a patient for a low cost.

You can get through this. It may seem impossible now but it can improve. You are strong and brave. Keep pushing on.

If you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

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