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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Mysecretskill Offline
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Name: Libby
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Unhappy Um? I'm new and I'm in need of some support :( - February 14th 2010, 05:31 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ah, well I'm Libby; I'm new :]
I guess I came here to ask for a little advice and help?
Here's my background info:
I've been experiencing eating disordered-type thoughts for almost a year now,
But when I say "eating disordered-type thoughts" I mean, on and off. Eg, I've always felt guilty after eating anything, but I'll go through stages where I'll think to myself "you fat sh*t, you shouldn't have eaten that" but sometimes I'll go on and eat and eat and eat... It's like I can't stop myself - a love hate relationship.
My parents have their suspisions about my eating but they think that I'm just not hungry or they'll see me eating obsessively later on and asume all is well.
But, I feel so alone in everything. Never good enough. Pathetic.
And I WISH I could speak to somebody about things, but I would rather die than have my parents find out- it's just another reason for them to be disappointed with me.
I often SH as like, a punishment for eating.. Which makes me feel like an utter failiure.
I just don't know about anything anymore.
When I mention the word "eating disorder" and "me" in the same sentence I don't believe it. I don't think I have one, do I?
I mean, my weight drifts from underweight to normal very often and I eat too much to be anorexic. I don't (cant) throw up and only rarely do I use laxatives, so I can't be bulimic right?
Eurgh I don't know.
I start off everyday with a fast, but it breaks at 6pm- when we have a family meal, but then once I eat something.. I'll eat everything.
Eurgh, help?! What do you think is wrong with me???
Xx


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Re: Um? I'm new and I'm in need of some support :( - February 14th 2010, 09:27 PM

Hi Libby and welcome to TH.
I'm not really an 'expert' with eating disorders, but i do know how u feel with this confusion.
where you dont appear to 'fit' into any sort of 'box'.
I've felt this too with food issues, and i dont think that its ever as easy as just fitting into a catogory.
If you have these issues with food, and u feel the guilt after eating, then first off you have to reckonise that you do have some sort of problem with food.
which you have, so a big well dont for that.
you have unhealthy eating pattens, such as fasting til 6 at night, then eating a large amount.
the key to maintaining a healthy weight is eating little and often (so they say haha)
also if your parents have noticed that something isnt quite right about your eating habbits then i'd say thats a good sign that something, however big or small, isnt quite right.
problems always seem bigger to ourselves than others, so for your parents to have taken notice of any problems you might have, then i think thats a good indication.

As for your Self harming, this i can relate to, i dont know if thats a really good thing or a really bad thing
but anyway, Sh is often related to feelings of anger, guilt, failer, coping, and a whole host of other emotions.
were you self harming before these feelings about eating happened a year ago? or has it started since, if you dont mind me asking?

Its good that you have viewed differnt aspects of eating disorders, and you have found that there are things you dont do, and things you cant do, such as making yourself sick.

I know you feel lonely with this, and the need to talk to someone is always there, for anyone really. No one wants to be alone, espacially when dealing with issues like these.
I understand, so please feel free to privet message me
I'll always listen
keep safe
xxx


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Mysecretskill Offline
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Name: Libby
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Re: Um? I'm new and I'm in need of some support :( - February 15th 2010, 12:40 PM

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to me
The SH started gradually after the issues around food began, and the severity of the SH esculated when my ed did.
Tbh, I have no idea why I have issues with food. All I know is that I have an overwhelming fear of becoming fat and alone.
But the more I "pig out" on food, the more guilt I feel, so I SH and self loathe and therefore I restrict more etc and the cycle continues.
The school dinner staff comment on my food intake saying things like "that's not enough..do you want something else?" "are you sure this is ALL you want?" etc...
Do you think they'll take those comments any further? Like, do they have the ability to report me or tell my parents???
That's my biggest worry I really really don't want them to find out
Thank you for helping xxxxxx


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Re: Um? I'm new and I'm in need of some support :( - February 15th 2010, 05:09 PM

hi again, first off its not problem, i respond to things that i hope i can help with.
sometimes you might find that 50 people have viewed your thread, but u have only one response, dont take this to harshly, some might not be able to find the right words to help you, and others may b in need of the same help that your reaching out for, again well done for that.
If your SH started after your food issues began, then i think you know your trigger. it seems that you will need some sort of help dealing with your food issues before you can tackle your SH issues. the root is always the main problem.
being obsessive to the point of it disrupting your life is harmful, like how you feel about not wanting to be fat. you said yourself that your weight is underweight to normal, so really you sound healthy.
i think maybe is more the need for control that how you look.
is there anything else thats been bothering you? parents? friends? school?
maybe somethings arent how you would like them to be, so you restrict yourself, then when you feel that you have failed (by breaking the fast) then you think you need punishment.
which really Libby you dont.
you sound like a real nice girl, you dont need to have this ED and your SH to punish yourself.
How old are you? if thats ok to ask?
becasue i suppose that will impact on if your school want to talk to your parents. but would that really be a bad thing? can u talk to your docotor?
You've reckonised your problem, which so many people cannot do, many people wont admitt it even to themselve.
i think you already know that without proffessional help, then recovery is going to be a struggle.
And you know as well as i do, that you can do it, and you desever the help
xxx


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
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