TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Shattered_Girl Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
Shattered_Girl's Avatar
 
Name: Barbara
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: America

Posts: 81
Join Date: January 10th 2009

My Story - June 10th 2010, 07:12 PM

I've posted on this board before, so some of you may know I struggle with bulimia and poor body image, and I have for a long time. I was asked why, and so I'm going to write my story.

Like I said, I've always had issues, but something a few years ago made it much worse. When I was in eighth grade, I was really depressed, to the point where I was contemplating suicide. I met a great guy, and my life seemed much better. I couldn't stop talking about him to friends because I liked him so much. But I liked him TOO much. I had friends ask him what he thought of me, and it became well known I had a thing for him. His friends teased me, so I can only imagine what they said to him. Many times my friends talked to him about me without me knowing it. One time I heard he said something mean about me, which really hurt me, so one of my friends shoved him into his locker. He ended up with a scrape on his face, and I felt terrible. A couple months later I again heard he was saying mean things about me, this time from a couple different people. I called him the next day to confront him. He said it wasn't true, and then he said, "I didn't want to hurt you, but you're annoying." Later on he said, "Admit it. You're obsessed with me." He destroyed what little was left of my crushed spirit. At the end of the conversation, he asked "Are you okay?" I replied, "I guess." After we hung up, I burst into tears. After that I wasn't the same. It didn't help that my friends were being mean to me. I heard that one had called me fat and said I didn't dress well. To be truthful, I'm surprised I didn't commit suicide during that time. I did, however, have my first brush with bulimia, but it didn't work out for me. Anyway, a couple months later I called him so I could try to make things better. He told me he wanted me to be happy, to see the brighter side of life. For a few days after that, I was happy. But suddenly one night, I felt terrible again. I felt I was worthless and unlovable. I have been like this ever since; I cannot maintain happiness for too long. I always go back into depression. My ED voice got really active, and she constantly told me what a mistake I was. I hated myself. Everytime I thought of him telling me I was annoying, I burst into tears, as though I never made things better with him. I still sob about it; in fact, I've been crying while writing this. Soon after I entered sophomore year, I tried bulimia again. I was able to make myself vomit, and I was very happy about it. Finally I could punish myself properly for what I had done. He found out about it from a mutual friend, and he was angry with me for throwing up. I was confused; I thought he should have been happy that I was destroying myself and putting myself through pain. He told me cared, and I didn't think I deserved it. Couldn't he see that I was trying to make up for what I did to him? Ever since then he has faithfully listened to me and said loving things. It pains me, because I deserve the suffering after I made him suffer.


The unloved one...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Casey. Offline
Dance with me
I can't get enough
*********
 
Casey.'s Avatar
 
Name: Casey
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere in my mind

Posts: 2,343
Blog Entries: 337
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: My Story - June 11th 2010, 02:40 AM

You do not deserve to suffer. No one does. You were young, and young girls in love often make mistakes or make it more than it is, but my point is, you were young and high schoolers are mean. Have you tried talking to anyone, like a counselor or a friend? Talking can help, and you don't have to go through this alone. Just hang in there.


She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


PM me

  Send a message via Yahoo to Casey.  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Shattered_Girl Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
Shattered_Girl's Avatar
 
Name: Barbara
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: America

Posts: 81
Join Date: January 10th 2009

Re: My Story - June 15th 2010, 08:08 PM

I have only been able to tell him about it, actually. He's forgiven me, but I don't deserve it. I really want him to laugh at me for putting myself through the physical pain.


The unloved one...
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
bulimia, story

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.