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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Paix et Amour Offline
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trying not to eat - September 28th 2010, 07:15 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I know this is sick, but im trying to become anorexic. the only times i eat are when my dad is around to watch me eat. he doesnt know, and i cant tell him. i know its wrong, but im so sick of being fat, im not eating to try to get thin. please help.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: trying not to eat - September 28th 2010, 08:47 AM

To be honest, you are not TRYING to get an eating disorder...you do have one. Its not really something you choose to do, if you have those sorts of feelings inside that make you want to starve yourself, then that certainly is disordered eating.

I dont really know what to do, but tell you of what a SHITTY life anorexia brings. I have to go to the doctor EVERY week to get blood tests and be weighed, im on such strict watch that if I lose any more weight, I have to go into hospital...and possibly a hospital 5 hours away. I will have a tube up my nose...and absolutely no control whatsoever.
I am however certainly wanting to recover and I am eating again, it is GREAT. If I could go back a year, I would certainly have lost weight in a healthier way. Its really easy, and much more enjoyable if you do it by eating healthy and exercising. With anorexia, you dont even notice, so all that hard work never pays off, and then you have to go get medical help, and put it back on again. If you do it healthily, no one will worry about you killing yourself, and you won't have to be watched so strictly.
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Re: trying not to eat - September 28th 2010, 04:09 PM

I know what it's like to want to be anorexic or bulimic because you feel its the only way to make things work. I understand the satisfaction of being bulimic and being anorexic. I'm still working through things myself.

I've had an off and on eating disorder for about 4 years. I am bulimic and still recovering. Eating disorders are not only the physical actions, but also mental too. i may not physically do anything to have an eating disorder like I used to but it's still there and it really sucks. ED's consume you, they take over your every thought. They control you. You make think you control it, but it controls you.

If you are not so far into your attempt to be anorexic, I suggest you stop. Like Emma said, she almost has to be hospitalized. I was fortunate to not have to have this happen to me. You don't want this to happen to you. It's a horrible horrible disorder. stop while you can. And also like Emma said, she regrets it, I do, and you will.

Hope I helped.

Plus, you wouldn't post here if you didn't want some sort of help, even if it is just a little tiny part of you that does.

have a great day

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Re: trying not to eat - September 28th 2010, 09:23 PM

thanks for the replies
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Re: trying not to eat - September 29th 2010, 06:00 AM

Hey Sarah,

Firstly, you are thirteen. Your body is still growing and changing, so you will change weight/height, and keep growing for several more years.Starving yourself will damage that, it will make life harder, not easier. It will delay important changes in your body, like puberty.

If someone told me when I was fourteen that I didn't need to lose weight, that I was beautiful just as I was, and that size really didn't matter, I'm not sure I'd be the way I am now. I've been struggling with disordered eating since I was fourteen. I got diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was eighteen, would have been sooner but I didn't start actively seeking help until I was eighteen. I'll be twenty-one soon, and I struggle every single day with eating. You don't want this life.

If you need to lose weight, there are healthier ways to do it. Talk to your doctor. Don't starve yourself, it's not as wonderful as it seems, and when you start doing it, it's never enough. Trust me on that one. You don't want to be this way. You may think you do, but you have no idea what you are getting yourself into.

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Smile through the tears.

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Re: trying not to eat - September 29th 2010, 10:13 PM

Someone isn't anorexic by trying. It's a disease an illness, and a horrible one at that. At thirteen, as said above, your body is still changing and you need to eat in order for it to change healthily.

People don't have to become anorexic to lose weight. Dieting and exercise do the trick just as good. And that's what is needed. Anorexia, bulimia, it'll kill you, both physically and mentally.

Do you want to hear how hard it is to take three steps when you're anorexic, how hard it is to even stand up? Because that's what it's like. You become so fixated with losing weight, that you don't see you're hurting eveyone else around you. You can't sleep, you're hair will begin to fall out, and eventually, you lose control.

There are many ways to lose weight, please, take it from me, an anorexic myself, you don't want to be in this position. Find a healthy way to look after yourself

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Re: trying not to eat - October 7th 2010, 04:26 PM

Hey Sarah, How're things going with you?
Now, there's something important you have to understand, and that is the fact you are 'trying' to become Anorexic tells me that you're already disordered in some way. You may not be Anorexic yet, but you're certainly in some way suffering.
And all I can say is that you need to try and get help ASAP. The fact you are beginning to use anorexic behaviour patterns is a concern. Anorexia is not about weight, all it does is hide the real problems from you, so you can live your life without having to face up to it.
But you have to face up to it eventually. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you either face up to the problem, sooner or later, or the behaviours you use to avoid it, whether that be eating disorders, substance abuse, whatever, they will kill you. And you're 13. You've got a hell of a lot of life waiting for you, and you don't know what it's going to be like yet, but there's potential for it to be really special.
You ever need to talk, feel free to PM me, but if nothing else, keep TH posted on how you are. We've got your back Sarah!
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Re: trying not to eat - October 7th 2010, 09:44 PM

I have been struggling with disordered eating on and off for about eight months. Even before that, though, I was never really normal.

A year ago, I skipped bkfst and lunch and then I'd stuff myself in the afternoon & I was too full for dinner. This got me into a higher weight than I'd like. I went through the hell of an eating disorder and got down to an unhealthy [Edited by Jen]. I looked sick and all of my friends were worried. A huge group of my friends stopped talking to me and now they gossip about me. My parents freaked out and took me to a psychologist (who I see every week.)

I didn't let anyone know how bad it really was. I never really told anyone everything. Now I feel so alone without my friends, like the disorder robbed me of so much. Plus, my weight is back to where I started because my parents made me gain it back.
Sometimes I want to starve myself again but I know that the road to something better is to eat well, exercise, enjoy life, and do the things I love.

When I wasn't eating, I was too tired to do anything, and I STILL felt fat at [Edited by Jen]

Last edited by Jen; October 7th 2010 at 11:37 PM. Reason: Please don't post weight/calorie numbers; it's against the Terms of Service.
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Re: trying not to eat - October 8th 2010, 05:38 AM

Starvation leads to weight gain when you begin to eat normally again. You'll lose weight, and you'll lose it fast if you just don't eat - but WHEN you eat again(and starvation tends to lead to binging for most people - anorexics included), which you will have to, you will gain weight rapidly. It sucks. Most people with EDs tend to yo-yo with their weight.

Metabolism can return back to normal after some time with proper exercise and diet - but chances are that even returning to proper diet + exercise after coming off of a starvation diet will make you gain weight until your metabolism evens out. Which might take time.

Not only is their the weight gain, but starvation HURTS. People tend to think that it'll mean dizziness, lack of energy - but it takes a major toll on your body. This year when my anorexia hit it's peak, I fasted for almost a month straight. It went from one small spinach salad and one glass of fresh squeezed juice a day to only the glass of juice AFTER working out, to nothing but diet green tea, water, and coffee, to just water in the final days because I got so scared that the others would make me gain.

Sleep was nonexistent, my heart pounded constantly, I'd take powerful sleeping pills only for them to have NO effect(one night I took Ambien CR and exercised until dawn), I'd be sitting in school and suddenly have to run to the bathroom because I'd be dry-heaving and feeling ill from stomach acid, aches and pains got 500% worse. In the final days I had to stay home from school and lay in bed, I could barely drag myself out to shower, and even in the shower I had to sit. When my ED peaks I get anti-social, because you will discover that every social situation has food involved - I got home from school, would fall on the couch and sleep until my parents got home, and then I immediately went upstairs to bed(or to exercise in secret) because I was extremely cranky, and I thought if I hovered they'd try to make me eat.

I'm sorry for rambling, but I'm just trying to tell you that starvation is one of the most painful things ever. Anorexia cripples you mentally and physically, it turns you into a recluse, a liar. I wouldn't wish it on my own worst enemy.

Again, sorry for the rambling - and I'm sorry that you're so anxious about weight. If there's anything I can relate to, it's that - I'm a big hypocrite when it comes to what I just told you - but as someone else says, you don't ever really choose to be anorexic.

Respect the delicate ecology of your delusions
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Re: trying not to eat - October 9th 2010, 02:09 PM

I just want to say that although you shouldn't stop eating, and that others are right in that you don't choose to become this way and that the mindset is what makes it more of an eating disorder, you are NOT sick (in reply to the post above me)

"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
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