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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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emma01 Offline
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How can I cope with my friends abnormal eating habits? - October 31st 2010, 07:14 AM

Okay so yep I am still doing really well...seems like each week I am getting better and better, and a lot more happy

BUT (that horrible big but)

My friend is having a hard time around food...and everyone could tell it at first, but now they think she is fine...but no I know she is not fine. The thing is, its really hard for me to watch her eat like an apple and about 5 little nuts at lunch time, and then here's me eating like grapes, apple, biscuits or mousse or something or even sharing my friends wedges. At home, I am now at the stage where I would just eat it and pretty much forget about it afterwards and just put it behind me, but when she sits there like a depressed zombie...it is really um triggering and I always find myself watching what I am eating and thinking about it constantly.
Also, I can tell she is totally obsessed with food and what everyone is eating and that. She will ask everyone questions like "what is that?" even if it's something obvious like raisins. (i know that sounds normal but when it comes out of her mouth it is abnormal and I can tell) She talks about junk food all the time and how yummy it is and everything. She gets cook books out of the library and always says all the cakes and stuff looks soo yum, but yet she wont really eat it. I get a bit sick of her constantly talking about food as at the moment I am trying to stop myself thinking about it all the time.
Another thing, at morning tea the other day she had like half a banana, but then the class which was straight after morning tea she was eating a sandwich, and actually got told off for it lol...but I thought it was weird...and that gave me the idea that she doesn't like eating in front of me. That would also explain why everyone else thinks she eats alot, but I never see her eat.

Has anyone here had a friend who also has an eating disorder?? If so, how did you cope with it? Did it trigger you or push you to recover? Because it definately triggers me and its ashame because she used to be my really close friend now I dread school with her.
   
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Re: How can I cope with my friends abnormal eating habits? - October 31st 2010, 07:33 PM

Hey there Emma. (:

this could be triggering.

I am really sorry that you are feeling this way. I hope what I have to say, will help you one way or another.

This may get a bit complicated. Basically, my sister has struggled with Anorexia for the past few years. She spent a good nine months in a psych unit to recover about a year ago. But soon lost a lot of weight when she came out and was then referred to and ED specialist because she was put into adults.

I have struggled with eating over the past year. I have never gotten down to a really low weight or anything though. I find myself in cycle of starving, binging and purging. And honestly, the guilt after I eat is really hard to deal with. However, my family don't actually really know I have these issues, or not any more. After my sister found my blog, she knew I had had problems with purging, but I managed to persuade them that it was in the past and I had already spoken to someone about it. But yes, they don't know I have these issues now.

We tend to argue a lot, especially at meal times. She gets worried I don't eat enough, and then she'll either get worked up and have a tantrum like she is six years old and started banging things, and screaming and then walk out, or she will throw her food in the bin.

When I see her eat less than me or when she says she is fat, it makes me feel bad. I suddenly don't want to eat, because if she is fat, that it makes me wonder what I am. And I should not be eating more than others. Of course, I worry about her, but when I am having a bad time, I just get into my head, that I shouldn't eat when others don't. Knowing, she has starved herself before, makes me think if she's eating something small, i Have to eat something smaller. +

Personally, I feel it triggers me more when I see her eat less etc.

I don't know if this helps, I hope it does some way. Either way, I want you to know that you are beautiful and you don't need to change the way you are.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need anyone.
Jessie


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Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: How can I cope with my friends abnormal eating habits? - October 31st 2010, 11:44 PM

Hey there I hope you're doing okay.

One of my friends is bulimic. And it really frustrates me because she kind of puts her ED out in the open whereas I hide mine as though my life depended on it. I'm scared people will think I "copied her". Or that they won't take me seriously because I'm already fairly thin.

If I were you I'd try avoiding her for a bit... see if it helps you. That's what I've been doing and it's helping me. Hope everything works out for you.


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Re: How can I cope with my friends abnormal eating habits? - November 1st 2010, 06:38 AM

Thankyou both for your responses...Jessie I totally agree with your statement "it triggers me to see her eat less" I feel the same, and also it feels like its always a competition of who can eat less...so frustrating.

And Becca, yes avoiding her is what I would love to do...but its hard as we do all eat together as a group and me and her have certain classes together, and knowing the bitchy group I am in...my friends will get mad if I start ditching. Grr!
   
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Re: How can I cope with my friends abnormal eating habits? - November 1st 2010, 04:15 PM

Hey there Emma. I went through the same thing with my best friend. Would you feel comfortable talking to her about it? Sometimes helping another person can actually help you help yourself. When I saw my friend struggling with eating issues, it was really triggering, but it also kind of woke me up a bit because I found myself with a whole list of reasons of why my friend should feel better about food. I then realized, why can't I use this list for myself?

Try talking to her about it if you feel comfortable. If not, that's totally fine. During lunch, I would suggest trying to focus on the conversation, or anything other than her eating habits. I know that's going to be hard, but just keep giving yourself positive reinforcement the whole time.

I hope this helps a bit. PM me any time
   
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emma01 Offline
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Re: How can I cope with my friends abnormal eating habits? - November 2nd 2010, 05:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by actingpassion123 View Post
Hey there Emma. I went through the same thing with my best friend. Would you feel comfortable talking to her about it? Sometimes helping another person can actually help you help yourself. When I saw my friend struggling with eating issues, it was really triggering, but it also kind of woke me up a bit because I found myself with a whole list of reasons of why my friend should feel better about food. I then realized, why can't I use this list for myself?

Try talking to her about it if you feel comfortable. If not, that's totally fine. During lunch, I would suggest trying to focus on the conversation, or anything other than her eating habits. I know that's going to be hard, but just keep giving yourself positive reinforcement the whole time.

I hope this helps a bit. PM me any time
Yes I would talk to her about it, but the thing is that mentally I am very much back to normal with eating, and I now am at the point where I dont really want to remember those horrible times...lol I just want to get back to my old normal self and get on with my life. I think a few months back it would have helped...but now I do just want to forget about it. I visit the doctor every week to be weighed, and each week I come out crying because I hate knowing what I weigh and I hate her talking to me asking me what I eat etc (she knows this very well)

I do try to focus on other stuff and that does help! But tomorrow at lunch they are selling ice creams :P She seemed pretty keen to get one so we will see Im getting one too of course :P
   
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