Feel Like I Caused My Friend's ED

[Agoraphobia♥]

What I mean by that is in this last year I realized that my eating was a problem and that I had an ED. At first I didn't get that it was wrong to be so happy to not eat, I thought that was normal and then in the last 2 years I started to want an eating disorder, not taking notice that I was actually already dealing with one where I'd switch from Binge Eating to Not Eating every week or so. In this last year I started to notice that my eating was a problem and needed to be dealt with. At first I started talking to this friend of mine, I'll call her J. Well J was disappointed at first, not only in me but herself because she never noticed. But after a small bout of blaming herself for not noticing she began to help me and support me, congratulate me when I'd eat right and be there for me when I didn't. Because of her I got up the courage to see a therapist about it. Just in this last week I made another big step and confessed to my parents that I have an EDNOS. She was so proud of me and just was always there. Today we were talking and she said she was tired and annoyed because her mom said she wasn't eating enough. I said, "Well I'm sorry she doing that to you," and then she told me, "Eh I guess it's right though, I haven't been eating much lately," and that's when bells and whistles started going off in my mind. I replied, "Well is there a reason why?" and then it just broke my heart because she said, "Idk... I just feel fat and gross so I've been eating less," I'm trying to talk to her to help her but I don't know as I can, I told her that it's not the answer and it's hard to get out of that mind set but you have to remember how risky it is and what health problems this can cause, and then it hurt me even more because she said, "I know but I don't think I care any more,"

Basically what I'm getting at is I'm worried that by opening her up to my world of struggles with food, it may have caused her to start feeling how she does. Right now it's not an ED as far as I know but I would say it's disordered eating which is getting worse. I just don't know what to do, she's like a sister to me and I feel like I caused this, I feel like she may not have thought about it if I hadn't opened her mind to it through me struggling. I'm just so worried about her that while I'm writing this and whenever I think about it I cry. I love her like a sister and I'm worried she may be falling into the things I did when I was 8. I'm so worried and scared for and about her.

[Dream]

Well you definitely didn't cause it. For all you know, you could have kept her from taking this route longer than she otherwise would have. Be there for her and support her; she sounds depressed.

[emma01]

Wow...go back a year and I was completely in your position. I have anorexia, and I had someone, well she isn't really a great great friend, but just a friend, who used to eat a lot, she was always happy and a fantastic swimmer, she used to think I was absolutely crazy to go through the school day chewing gum, and would always make comments on my weight. Later I noticed she wouldn't eat much, and I confronted her about it and she just said "Now I understand how you feel, and how food is just so disgusting" and once I heard that, I couldn't think straight all night - I was in tears, and I told my best friend that it is all my fault, and although she said it isn't, I knew that it was.
BUT...now I look back, and realise that I couldn't have started it. When I first stopped eating, it was completely to do with thoughts about MYSELF, I didn't take anyone else into consideration - and it was to control MY life, not my friends lives...and I am pretty sure most people who get EDs get them due to negative feelings about THEMSELVES, not their friends or their family! So your friend probably has some insecurities in herself! You wouldn't have caused this! But she does seem to have a problem and I think you should talk to her and say "hey remember what you used to say to me, and how therapy helped me (even if it didn't...just say it did) and try and get her to talk to someone.

Im not going to explain to you why it is important she talks to someone, you know how bad EDs are. I just hope this works out for her and you...but remember you DID NOT cause her ED.

[rosaleah]

you didn't cause her to think this way. And if she does have an eating disorder you didnt cause that either. Just be there to support her as she supported you with yours. You know what she is going through so it will really help her to have somebody who understands

[A.Place.In.This.World]

Nobody could've caused her possible ED, the only person who could have was herself. It wasn't your fault, you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. By you opening up to her, it didn't cause her to stop eating, you only needed a friend. For all you know, she could've been hiding it for a long time and just recently decided to open to you, as you did to her. I'm sorry you feel that you caused it, but like I said, only SHE could've caused it. Just be there for her and help her out, because you know what she's going through. You know how much pain she's in. You sound really close, which is good, so you can support each other. I hope things get better for both of you.