Triggering (ED): Eating in Front of People

[udontno]

I think this could be triggering if you have issues with eating in front of people, otherwise you should be okay reading this.

I used to be bulimic. Old habits die hard. I often have issues making myself eat regular meals, I have issues with meals upsetting my stomach, and I've got a long list of foods that are "forbidden" for me to eat... partly because I'm health conscious and partly because of my former eating disorder.

I recently started dating a new guy... we've been together for a little bit more than a month. However, we've known each other for over a year and he's been trying to get me to date him for a good couple of months now. He knows why I don't like to eat in front of people. There are a few people that I will eat in front of, but other than that it's mostly a no-go when it comes to eating in front of folks... I'm going to college in 9 days, so before I know it there are going to be a ton of strangers that I'm going to have to eat in front of. I'm not excited about that possibility and my boyfriend knows this. He has no idea how I'm going to manage to eat in front of them when he can't even take me out to eat. (In actuality, I tell him that he really shouldn't complain because I'm not a cheap date. )

Anyway, I just need some advice on "growing the balls" to finally eat in front of someone. After constant picking at me and making little snide comments about how I won't eat in front of him, I finally had to have a talk with my boyfriend again tonight about how hard things are right now for me. I ate breakfast this morning, then skipped lunch, then went to supper with my best friend. I made a comment about how I shouldn't have eaten and he shot me a look because he knows that I've been skipping meals lately. I was able to tell them that I'm doing the best I can, getting no credit or help from anyone that is important to me.

I also need to tell him that I need more from him. Like I've really sat down and thought about what I need from him... I struggle with communication about any touchy subjects such as eating or my self harm (I recently slipped up and cut). I feel like I need someone to ask me how I'm doing, have I wanted to cut, have I eat today, how are things? I just feel like if I had someone to hold me accountable for things I would do better. I don't want this to feel like a chore for him, but the simple fact of the matter is I doubt I will ever open up to him on my own. I can't lie to him, so... if he asks me I'm going to have to talk about some of these things. Do you think that sounds like a good idea?

[ChuckthePenguin]

Being undiagnosed so far as to my own eating issues (my counselor's organization stresses cognitive-behavioral therapy and demphasizes diagnoses for fear of a placebic reaction), I unfortunately can't offer specific eating advice.
What I do know, about having "balls" (somewhat graphic metaphor incoming) is that you'll never really know just how big they are until you reach down and slam them on top of the table for everyone to see.

What works for me, is to just imagine how proud of yourself you'll be, how big of an accomplishment would it be for you?- You know just how much courage it's going to take, so impress yourself, and be proud of yourself once you do! Not to get all Nike on you here, but something like this is best achieved by just gritting your teeth and doing it.

As for your relationship, you should absolutely tell your boyfriend what you need for him. If he's any sort of bf then he'll be glad you told him and go out of his way to do this for you... it's a cliche because it's true, "communication is essential to any healthy relationship"

There's my two cents, keep the change.

[Revolution]

For one, I would tell him about your former eating disorder. Tell him you are recovered, and that you still have times where certain things (such as eating in front of people) can make you uncomfortable. If he's a good guy, he'll understand, and help you face your fears!
The best way to get used to eating in front of people is ease into it. Start eating with your friends that you are comfortable with, and sit outside away from people, then start easing closer and closer to others. Don't focus on the other people; focus on the friends you are comfortable with and just eating. Nobody is watching, nobody cares. Just focus on yourself.

[udontno]

Originally Posted by ChuckthePenguin

Being undiagnosed so far as to my own eating issues (my counselor's organization stresses cognitive-behavioral therapy and demphasizes diagnoses for fear of a placebic reaction), I unfortunately can't offer specific eating advice.
What I do know, about having "balls" (somewhat graphic metaphor incoming) is that you'll never really know just how big they are until you reach down and slam them on top of the table for everyone to see.

What works for me, is to just imagine how proud of yourself you'll be, how big of an accomplishment would it be for you?- You know just how much courage it's going to take, so impress yourself, and be proud of yourself once you do! Not to get all Nike on you here, but something like this is best achieved by just gritting your teeth and doing it.

As for your relationship, you should absolutely tell your boyfriend what you need for him. If he's any sort of bf then he'll be glad you told him and go out of his way to do this for you... it's a cliche because it's true, "communication is essential to any healthy relationship"

There's my two cents, keep the change.

I still haven't sat down and had a serious conversation with him yet, but I have a feeling it is coming. I've been in a really, really good mood lately and I haven't wanted to bring myself down by having a serious conversation about all this stuff. He's told me that he does think that I'm bipolar (which I've always thought) because my moods are so up and so down. I feel bad for him because I'm not sure he exactly knows how to handle it.

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

For one, I would tell him about your former eating disorder. Tell him you are recovered, and that you still have times where certain things (such as eating in front of people) can make you uncomfortable. If he's a good guy, he'll understand, and help you face your fears!
The best way to get used to eating in front of people is ease into it. Start eating with your friends that you are comfortable with, and sit outside away from people, then start easing closer and closer to others. Don't focus on the other people; focus on the friends you are comfortable with and just eating. Nobody is watching, nobody cares. Just focus on yourself.

He knows about my former eating issues and he knows that I still struggle a lot. To what extent, I'm not really sure. I think he's jealous because I can go out with certain friends... there are a few people that I can eat in front of, there are a few people that I am comfortable enough to do those things around and he isn't one of them. Sometimes I feel like he's jealous that we aren't at the level where that's possible yet.