i feel like a letdown

[smiles07x]

so i just had dinner.
I had (edited)...theyre smaller then pizza at a pizza place.

after i ate (edited) i felt so bad about myself that right after i went to go and try to purge. I feel like i let myself down after i told myself i wasn't going to have a lot.

It never works though as i would like. i only did it because i gained weight. its just the worst feeling. all i had today were those two slices and half of an egg on half of a roll that i couldn't even finish..and yet i feel like i gained so much and look so much fatter...even tho i only gained like [edited].

i just had to let my feelings out.

[Liz94]

It is good getting these feelings out so well done for that.

Secondly you shouldn't feel bad as it is part of recovery to have your good and bad days.

Just remember that you can beat this and you can get better. Right 3 positive things about yourself everyday, then when you feel like purging or not eating read your list ( which will be growing each day) and then you can see that you are worth the food.

I hope this has helped

[smiles07x]

thanks you i will try!

[Heartlines.]

Hey there,

There is a reason as to why purging doesn't work. It's not a healthy thing to do.. at all. It leaves you with a ton of health problems. And it doesn't even work! So why try and do something that harms you and doesn't work? I was bulimic for a few years, and it wasn't helpful in the slightest. I think you should try and get help for your disordered eating. Do you have anyone you can talk to? What you're doing isn't healthy. I feel like you'd feel a lot better if you lost weight the healthy way. Eating disorders are too time and mind consuming. You'll drive yourself crazy with it. Eating disorders aren't fun or easy. You deserve better<3

[smiles07x]

thank you..and when i go to do it its not because i want too i just feel like i lost all hope and can't do anything else but try to get rid of the food. My mom won't let me go running by myself so i can't even do that..i always ask my friends but they never can..i actually just signed up at a gym tho so maybe that will get me eating more..

i just ate dinner tho too and tried to purge.
but since I'm going to the gym tomorrow i just stopped because i know i can get rid of some of the calories there.

its just like an obsession now. i spend all my time looking at thin people. weighing myself. counting calories. but yet i can't get the urge to tell my parents.

personally i think i might just be going through a phase and thats why i was planning on seeing if i will get better so i don't have to tell my parents..
but then i have the SH issue and they will find out about that sooner or later considering its been like 5 months.

i can't help the way i think. i can eat like crazy alone..or what i think is a lot..but in front of people i just feel awkward. i feel like telling my friend was worse too because i feel like she is watching me when i don't eat my lunch..so i just avoid eye contact with her and talk to other friends..

i dont purge like ever though. i usually am just scared of gaining weight and just don't really eat until dinner and if i felt i lost control i only try too. THANK YOU though<3 it really helps to see what people have to say..gets my mind thinking.