im disgusted with myself

[jay07]

i ate so much today that i don't even know if i want to eat dinner.

i had an otis cookie which apparently has (Edited) calories..i hoping it's not true.
i had half of a turkey sandwich and half of an apple and some grapes.
i even had a strawberry frosted donut bc it was my friends birthday.

And now on top of all that my mom wants to have chinese food for dinner.
im panicing. i really love food i just HATEHATEHATE the feeling of gaining weight.

i literally just told my mom like 6 days ago that i had eating issues and have been really restricting calories..i only had dinner for about 2 weeks.

now though that i have her watching me..i do eat. BUT obviously not that great bc all the yummy foods are always there now and my mom makes me feel okay to eat them so i do..but later on i regret it, and it really is effecting me again. i purged on saturday and tried to today but couldn't for whatever reason.

what do i do? I'm seeing a counselor on monday.

maybe i wil just eat less tomorrow?? AHH

[Fairy Poppins]

Hey Jay.

It's definitely a good idea to speak to your counselor about this.

Eating unhealthy foods such as doughnuts and cookies now and again is normal. You shouldn't feel bad for doing so, unless it becomes a regular habit.

Instead of purging when you feel you have eaten too much, try exercising instead to burn off the calories.

If you are worried about putting on weight and are fortunate enough to be able to speak to your mom, perhaps discuss with her ways that you can both eat more healthily. Eating more nutritionally-balanced meals than Chinese for example, or only having a takeaway once a week. Perhaps create meal plans by looking for recipes online and then go shopping to pick out foods for the recipes.

I hope this helps.

J. x

[jay07]

thankss! and yeah it was only today that i ate those foods.

[Bessy95]

Its ok, it was only one day, its seriously not gonna make any difference. I did it quite a bit during the holidays and just yesterday I ate fast food and for some reason I couldnt purge it. I was freaking out about weight gain the next day but I was exactly the same. Its normal to eat junk every now and then, for me its what keeps me from giving in to cravings. Talking to a counselor is a good idea and tell your mum if you want, its always good to vent. Anyways, just for future refernce its ok to have bad days where you overeat or go a bit wild with the junkfood, especially on special occasions. Everyone does it, its only human. But what you ate wasn't even that bad so dont dwell on it, remember its a new day you can start fresh

[jay07]

thankss!! yeahh i feel like it helps with cravings but then i just eat less the next day bc i still feel bad. but i went to the doctor and now have to go see a nutirtionist and therapist for possibly having an eating disorder and depression because of self harm that i was doing. Hopefully that will help. =]