Ech?

[Heartlines.]

This is so weird for me to even be seeking help in the ED forum. xD

So. I've been trying to starve myself lately. And well, I don't have the motivation to follow through most days. I eat less, but I still eat. I have diet pills.

So this morning, I was working out. First thing. I did fifty situps. And fifty jumping jacks. When I was done, I got really light headed and dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up. I didn't even do that much. I felt so horrible. But good.

My thinking is screwed too. I always always always compare myself to people. Everyone. My boyfriend. Old people. Young people. Bigger people. Thinner people. Everyone. Etc. I also think that this is a way to gain control of myself. It's so thought consuming and all that jazz. blahh.

Am I slipping back into an ED.
Looking at all the thinspo. Being on a different forum where thinspo is encouraged.
Counting calories. Refusing to eat. Exercising on an empty stomach. Comparing myself to everyone and everything. Lying. Taking pills.

I'm still fat.

[Complete Love.]

Hi willow!
Let me just tell you straight up everything you probobly already know. Firstly get off thinspo. Trust me all bad encouragement will bring you down! Secondly there is no one body type alike. A persons size depends on how your body shape, bones etc many factors go into this. I stongly advice you to go see a nutritionist or your doctor. They can set you a right eating diet. Therefore stop comparing yourself to others! You are so beautiful! People aren't meant to be bones, they need meat but there is some body types like that, and the thing is they look beautiful for who they are, likewise you are just muah! gorgeous just the way you are! It's a wonderful step to recognize you are relapsing! Go talk to your doctor ASAP! They can help you and if you don't have one then listen to my advice.. You don't want to end up with an ulcer or someother stomach problem or liver problem or the worst dead. Start improving with baby steps. Make yourself eat it even if you don't want to! Look in the mirror every morning and say wow :O I'm sexy! Or I'm beautiful lol hehee I didn't see you in real life but I'm 200% sure you are beautiful. Please don't harm your body treat yourself like a princess the way you deserve it! You are special and there is no one else like you I'm always here if you want to talk anytime about anything ill be here to listen so stand up lift your head up high and stop listening to those negative thoughts. Let me tell you something .. You're beautiful

[Heartlines.]

Thank you for your response. It means a lot to me. I wish I could go to the doctor, but I won't have active medical insurance until January. Part of me doesn't know if I want help. And I will be the first person to say; if you don't 100% want it, then it's going to make it that much harder. I don't know if I can make myself feel something. You know? All I know if I don't feel pretty. And not eating makes me feel like I'm doing something right and that this could work. I'm just really down. Thanks, dear, again. <3 the support helps and made me smile

[Agoraphobia♥]

Lyndsee you are beautiful just how you are, and honestly I hate to say it but you're right, you can't force someone, even yourself into help just because it's the right thing. If someone doesn't want it it'll be a lot harder. But let me say this, you are strong and you know how unhealthy this is, I know you know because you taught me. You taught me how destructive this path was and without you I'd probably still be on it, I'll admit recently I relapsed and had trouble but I'm getting back on my feet. You've done it before and I know you can do it again. If you ever want to talk you know I'm here for you, especially since you have always been there for me.

[Iris. ♥]

Hey girl!
First of all, let me just say that you're beautiful EXACTLY the way you are. It's natural to compare yourself to other people. But, don't let it ruin your self-esteem. The truth is, there are always going to be people that are skinnier than us, have better clothes than us, have more fun than we do, etc. If we let ourselves dwell on the differences, it's easy for us to fall into pits. Don't let that happen to you. Every morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're beautiful. One thing that you might consider doing is writing out a list of your good qualities, both physical and personal. Tape that onto your mirror so you see it every morning and every night. Remind yourself that the things on that list are TRUE and they're just some of the many things that other people love about you.

You're beautiful, Lynds. Don't let the world tell you otherwise.

[Aletheia*]

Hey Lynds!

I'm going to get straight to the point here: in my UN-professional opinion, I would say that you're slipping back into an ED. I'm going to give you some pointers.

• Never work out on an empty stomach. This is what has caused you to become dizzy and light-headed after such a vigorous work out. Let's face it: doing 50 of each is pretty straining on the body, especially one that didn't get nutrients before hand. Eat a small break fast/lunch or dinner (depending on what time of day it is that you're working out), and eat something healthy afterwards, like low-fat yogurt, carrots, celery. Anything that will give you an extra boost of energy.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. As you know, we all come in different shapes and sizes, and each shape and size is unique. Not one person is going to be the same, and we're all beautiful in our own ways. Continuing to compare yourself to others is only going to make this difficult battle even worse. You are gorgeous, you have some seriously amazing accomplishments, and you are an over-all great person. Comparing yourself to others isn't going to make things better, and it's not going to give you control over your body. Trust me: coming from me, I used to do this and it brought my self-esteem down WAY low. When I stopped comparing, I realized that I'm who I am for a reason, and I'm meant to be this way, and that nobody can take it away from me.
• Remove yourself from Thinspo. Encouragement to be thin isn't what you need right now. You're essentially depriving yourself of nutrients your body needs to survive by continuing to eat less and less each day. I'd hate to see anything bad happen to you. Removing yourself from a website that encourages it's users to remain skinny isn't going to help you get to a healthy weight.
• Look for encouragement in other places. Your boyfriend, your many, many friends you have here and in RL, and from family members. I know it's difficult to do this, but just a little encouragement each day will benefit you in ways that you can't even imagine.
• Here are some other healthy tips of how to maintain a strong, healthy weight: 1) As mentioned, always eat a small something before and after your work out. It will keep you energized, and you won't feel that gross dizzy or lightheaded feeling afterwards. 2) Continue with your work outs. There is no reason to stop those, but do it in moderation. Try one work out one day, another work out the next. Don't stick to one simple routine day by day. Switch things up so you're working each part of your body, instead of just one part. 3) Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Chicken and fish are rich in proteins, and they can help you maintain a healthy weight, as will eating vegetables, fruits, nuts (if you aren't allergic). 4) Stop counting the calories. Us woman need about 1,500-2,000 calories per day to remain energized, refreshed and to maintain a good, healthy weight. Anything under is extremely dangerous! 5) It's okay to have some sweet snacks along the way too! We all love chocolate, so it's okay to splurge and eat some maybe once every 2-3 days. Let's not deprive ourselves on things that we've been eating since childhood like: cookies, cake, cupcakes, candies. It's okay to have some in moderation. Don't completely deprive yourself of that.

Now, nobody, even yourself, can force you to get help if you don't want it. But, I would seriously consider seeking some extra help. If you don't have insurance until January, that gives you plenty of thinking time as to whether or not you'd like to seek some extra professional help. It would be in your best interest if you did, but again, I can't make the decision for you. I know seeking help elsewhere is an incredibly difficult situation to be in, but I know how well it could benefit those who need it. Take myself for example: I was a very bad drug addict during my first two years of high school, and part of the third until I began seeking help from our on-campus counselor. She helped me realize that drugs weren't going to get me anywhere. A therapist or counselor will help you in their own ways too.

I hope this helped you, and remember, you ARE gorgeous, and don't let anyone...even yourself, tell you any different.

Love always!
Shann <3