Relapse?

[AmiFey]

I don't want to believe I'm relapsing. I can't let myself believe it. But it's starting to concern people again, I think. I've started cutting back a lot, and denying food that my mum offers me when I can help it. I'm exercising several hours a day (I say it's just for dance but really I just want to be thinner) and I weigh myself at least twice a day again. I feel so fat and I know I've gained too much weight even though my doctor seems to think I'm fine.. It's just.. I don't know what to do. I want to keep losing weight, but I'm scared it'll turn into a full-blown relapse. I told myself I was through with an eating disorder, and goodness I want to believe it.

[Heartlines.]

Hey there,

I'm sorry that things are going south for you. What is it exactly that's making you relapse, and feel like this again? I know you say that you feel fat, and want to be thinner. But what's different now, then before while you were recovering? It seems that you haven't had a full blown relapse.. which is real good! Slip-ups tend to happen during recovery. And you know what? That's completely okay. The important part is getting back on your feet, knowing that you can start again and continue down recovery road. What means of support do you have? Do your parents support you? Any friends or counseling? What kinds of tools and things were you taught that was helping you feel better? Utilize those tools again. You're going to be okay. Keep fighting. You can beat this. <3

[AmiFey]

Well, I first started exercising more for ballet, and then I started getting hungry. God, I missed that feeling. The aches of hunger are like nothing else.. Plus, I NEED to lose weight. Otherwise I'll be a fat dancer, and who wants one of those? I don't even know why I'm posting here.. I want this. :/ But my parents tend to try and control my recovery, which makes me worse. I have my friends, psychiatrist, e.d. doctor, and some church groups. But actually, I never was taught any tools. <xD I just kinda said no to myself for a while and learned to ignore it. But honestly, I don't want to get better..

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

I think it is great that you are posting this because it shows that you want support and you do not want to succumb to this relapse! And, the truth is relapses are a part of recovery; getting through this relapse can happen and it will make you stronger and it will teach you and help you grow.

Do you know what triggered this relapse? Have this been any life altering things in recent times? Any big stressors? If you can figure out what the stressors might have been for this relapse you can work on overcoming them and finding healthier coping skills for them for the future. Do you journal? If not I suggest you try that; I have found that journaling really helps me with identifying my stressors and it helps me with figuring out better/healthier coping tools.

Do you have a strong support system? Do your friends and family know about your ED and are they willing to help you through it? If so I suggest you try reaching out to them and let them know what is going on. I know that is hard to do but the truth is that ED feeds on the secrets that we keep so if we open up and let people in we are no longer keeping secrets so ED is getting weaker.

I read a book called 'Life Without ED' by Jenni Schaefer. It was a decent book about Eating Disorders and maybe you could check it out? It might be triggering so if you are easily triggered you might want to consider reading it at a later date or go into it cautiously. One thing that this book discusses is TRUSTING your doctors. Your doctors have your best interest at heart and they are not going to mislead you; they want you to be at a normal healthy weight so you need to believe that they are going to guide you in that direction. Even though ED might be telling you differently you need to ignore that voice and TRUST your doctors.

Are you currently seeing a therapist for this issue? If not I think it would be beneficial for you to look into that. I know that might be hard to do but in the end a therapist can help you figure out what are the underlying issue behind your ED and he/she can help you find healthy coping skills.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna