Afraid To See My Weight

[brokensmilexx]

I'm terrified to check my weight. I was never diagnosed with a disorder because I refused to talk to anyone about it and was in denial for a long time until I finally noticed it was a problem and tried to help myself out of it.
Anyways, I went on vacation for Christmas and I know I have definitely gained a few pounds back from all the food. That was the first time in months where I would actually have like 2 out of 3 meals a day. (I'm a snacker. I prefer just eating light small snack to keep me going instead) Which surprised me even while I was eating because usually I get full instantly or a sick feeling in my stomach, but neither occurred.
I haven't touched the scale since I came back after new years. I'm too afraid to see how much I weigh because I had finally reached a weight I thought suitable for me, and I was comfortable with (If I lost anymore weight I would be extremely underweight), and before when I gained it would ruin me.. and I really don't want to be stuck in that awful place where I don't think I'm good enough and just see pounds I need to lose.
I have to go to the doctor soon and they now check my weight every time, I know I can't plug my ears or close my eyes when their checking my weight..but I really would rather not know. I don't want to feel awful about myself again.
I believe I've come to terms with my illness. I've learned to love myself, and accept who I am and what I look like. But I'm just worried seeing the numbers go up will push me back over the edge..
Has anyone gone through something like this? Or suggestions or anything..
I really needed to share what I was feeling, I don't talk to anyone I know about my eating disorder issues, I'm just not comfortable with it..
Thank you
<33

[Paige(:]

Hey girl, I am so with you. (: I am in refusal about going to the doctors, and they ask me each time and I deny that I have an eating disorder, although I am extremely underweight they tell me. Don't get in a bug about holiday weight gain, it'll shed right off once you get back to normal turns..I mean. You've gone like 17 years losing it each year..why worry this year? PM me if you would ever like to talk or have any questions, I could help you recover if you'd like!

[raquella23]

I know exactly how you feel! I used to have an eating disorder, and I must have gone back and forth half a dozen of times. Just know that this can be an opportunity for you to prove to yourself you can overcome your insecurities, but if you done and you go back to your old ways it's okay. Nothing ever happens overnight, it just might be harder than you wish it was.

[Heartlines.]

Hey there,

I hate and refuse to see my weight as well! It's a huge trigger, and I can base weight loss off of how loose my clothing gets. That's my thought process. But let me ask you a question. Why do you need to see you're weight? If it's going to do more harm than good, then I don't advise it. If you want to maintain the weight you're at, then eat healthy and exercise accordingly. But the scale is just a number. And really doesn't define who you are. Just keep working towards recovery. And I hope one day that you're able to talk to someone about this. <3

[brokensmilexx]

Thank you everyone, I appreciate it

I know the scale just shows a number, but it still has its effects on me for some reason
The only reason I have to check it is because the doctor wants to be watching my weight, I'm no longer watching it though I gave that up lol

<33

[Iris. ♥]

Hmmm, I'm not sure if this will work, but it's worth a shot. Maybe you could ask your doctor if you could turn your back to the scale. Ask him if he can record your weight without saying it aloud.

But, let me just say that I'm super proud of you for working so hard to overcome your ED. I'm so glad to hear that you're beginning to love yourself for who you are! Keep working at it -- eventually, you'll be able to see your weight without being triggered as badly.

Good luck at your appointment.

[Revolution]

Hey Sara,

Honestly, I would just ask the doctor not to tell your weight. Sometimes, you can ask the doctor to weigh you backwards, and then just not say the weight out loud. I bet if you told him/her the honest truth, they would be understanding about it. Seeing your weight is unnecessary. As long as you are healthy, and feel good, the number makes absolutely no difference to your worth, and you don't need to know it in order to know that you are healthy.

Good luck! I hope that helps.

[brokensmilexx]

Thank you both, that's actually a really good idea. I'll probably try it, although then they'll probably suggest me to go talk to my counselor again ..but ma wants me to see her again anyways. (I've only had one appointment with this one aha)
Again, thank you both. Really (:
<33

[Revolution]

Hey Sara,

Talking to your counselor again really would not be a bad idea. Getting these feelings out in the open, as scary as it is, may really help you. But don't be afraid of giving these kind of requests to doctors. They do not know what bothers us at times, and weighing you backwards really isn't an inconvenience to them. Doctors can be scary, but they're here to help us, not here to hurt us. You just need to speak up, and they can help you with the little things!

Because you seem to be happy with the responses, I'm going to close this thread. If anybody disagrees, always remember you can PM me and I can reopen the thread. You're also welcome to just start another one anyway! We're here for you Sara. xx