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Garyl Offline
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I want to lose weight - September 2nd 2019, 07:21 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, because it contains weight figures, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Triggering: ED

For a while now I've HATED any photos of me. I will only take photos of myself, my face, from a certain angle. Any photos of my full body make me cringe. I'm at my near-heaviest weight and have been for a while now, but today was the final straw. Today I went out to a perfectly lovely breakfast with my father, who was in town, and my best friend. My dad has the waitress take a photo of us at the table. He sent it to me. I looked at it after breakfast because I wanted to post it on social media but I was absolutely disgusted at how fat I look. And it made me so, so sad, because here was this beautiful moment captured and I don't want to share it because I'm dissatisfied with my appearance.

I've decided I want to lose weight. Not because I care about sizes or numbers, but because I want to enjoy how I look in photos again. I used to love taking pictures of myself and being in photos with loved ones and I want to once again enjoy that. I want to feel good in my body.

The problem is, I have an eating disorder (OSFED- presenting atypical anorexia) and I have never, ever, EVER been able to lose weight in a healthy way. It's too much. I get obsessed. I exercise too much, restrict too much, and before you know it I'm in full-blown ED mode. I don't know how to turn it off. Ideally I would work with a dietician to make sure I do this in a healthy and effective manner, but my insurance won't cover one and I can't afford to pay out of pocket.

So how do you lose weight in a healthy way? Please do NOT give me the advice to try some diet; diets and I don't work well. As far as exercise keep in mind I have arthritis in my ankle/a screw in my ankle that takes high impact activities right out (no jumping, running, or climbing) and I hate swimming. Not trying to sound like a Debbie Downer, just want to throw those caveats out there.

Ideally I'd like to lose about a hundred pounds. I realize that losing this weight AND being able to keep it off will take time, so I'm not looking for some fast crash-course weight loss either. I'm looking for longterm and sustainable.


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Re: I want to lose weight - September 3rd 2019, 05:39 PM

Hey Jordan,

This time last year I was considered obese given my height. I lost a lot of weight within the past ten months or so, and had difficulties in the past with food (restrict/binge). I know everyone is different and I also know that it's a long journey, but I figured I could share a few things that helped me.

Mindful eating can help. It can be a challenge at first, but it still might be something to try. It's a lot of listening to your body's cues and being in the moment when you have your meals (keeping electronics away and that kind of thing). The idea is that being less distracted keeps you more in tune with your body and how it feels. It can be very hard to reroute thoughts about food but it can also help to think of food as fuel for your brain, in the same way that gas is fuel for your car.

Something else you can look at is the serving size of different foods - not calories, but what the serving size of any given item is (like chips or something) and work towards staying within that size. A lot of the time it's really easy to eat over a given serving size.

Try to drink more water as well. Sometimes the body can feel hungry when it's really thirsty instead. If you feel hungry and aren't sure what your body wants, try to have some water and then get something to eat if you're still hungry later on. It's normal to feel hungry the first few weeks of changing your eating habits, especially when you're used to eating a certain amount.

Are there certain foods you really like? If so, try to keep them in your food rotation. A lot of people put an emphasis on vegetables and that sort of thing, but it's important to have what you like in moderation - it sort of helps with sanity. There's a few fast food places I like, for instance, and I usually choose one to eat at every so often. Being able to keep those foods you like, even if they aren't "healthy" can be helpful mentally. Giving up everything isn't necessary to lose weight.

You said you want to lose weight so you feel comfortable in your body again and with that in mind, weighing yourself might not be needed (especially if it's more triggering than anything else). If you do decide you want to weigh yourself, keep a consistent day of the week to do so. The number isn't important but some people do like to see how much they have lost. Alternatively, continue to take pictures of yourself - this helps you see the progress.

Some people like to work on their eating habits for a few months prior to adding exercise in but others to it differently. If it helps, you could start with eating and add the exercise in because working on both at once can be overwhelming. You could go for a nightly or morning walk - it will help emotionally as well. Sometimes if I feel like eating when I'm not hungry, I'll take a walk and it takes my mind somewhere else. You can also look into yoga or different stretches. Do you think biking would irritate your knee? You could try more of a leisure sort of biking, not too fast. You can also get (relatively inexpensive) petals so you can petal your feet while you're doing schoolwork, watching tv, etc.

Definitely utilize the support when you can, from here, your therapist, or any friends (or anyone who is in a similar situation). It is hard, and no one is the same when it comes to what works for them but hopefully this will help a bit. If you want someone to talk to about it let me know.

I might edit this post if I remember more.


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