Moving out, Addiction, College and Responsibility
 

*Questions, concerns, other info you want to know? Make a post and I'll answer it as soon and as best to my abilities as possible.*

Hello teenhelp,

After surveying the site and reading a lot of quality answers, I decided to make an account and see what you had to say about my predicament. Hopefully your quality answers will help clarify what path I want to take in life.

Responsibility

College

I am currently 18 years old. I graduated from a catholic high school last June. I live in a great city. (Burlington, "The bubble" of the Greater Toronto Area) It is my goal to attend college in September for a total of 4 years. 3 years in a co-op/ teach the basics of computer technologies. (ie. Networking, Programming and Hardware) 1 year in Computer Animation. I want to graduate with the abilities necessary to create a video game by myself. (has always been my goal/ hobby to make my own video game). The only thing I need in order to do this is Math for Technology. (MCT4C) Unfortunately, this course was not very popular at my high school and I had to take it online in grade 12. I failed the course and never told my parents about it. (I turned 18 before mid-terms and the fact that the school couldn't tell my parents anything unless I told them otherwise went to my head.) If I had MCT4C or the equivalent, I would apply for college and most likely get accepted because the average on my transcript (Even if i had gotten 50% in the course) would be above 80%. I understand that if I want to continue on my educational pathway, I will need to find a way to get this course completed under my name.


Addicition

Halfway through Grade 10 I was introduced to MJ and started smoking the herb. I was a really stupid child. The more I smoked the herb, the more I started skipping classes. (which is weird because my average in Grade 9 was 65%, my average in Grade 10 was 75%) In Grade 11, my parents forced me to stop hanging out with certain individuals because they were convinced that the individuals were pot dealers. (Which they were not). I stopped skipping classes in Grade 12 and got my act together. It seems as though my parents believe the reason why I started to attend classes was because they intervened on who I was hanging out with. This wasn't the case. I was secretly hanging out with these individuals anyways. The reason why I started going to classes was because I didn't want to become a loser who never graduated high school, gets high off any drug he can get and works at McDonald's. I took the MCT4C course in Grade 12, it was the only course I did poorly in. The problem with online courses is that you need to be very self-motivated. There is no teacher standing in the room who is going to make sure you are going to class and doing the work. Which are how kids in my school were conditioned. I chose to hang out with my friends (sometimes to get high, but mostly to go out for a nice, long, refershing hour and a half lunch during the school day.) instead of doing the work.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with Student Services to obtain my transcript and find out if I had the courses needed to go to college. It turned from a simple meeting about my future/ getting the required documentation to apply for college into my parents crying, raving about me having an addiction, upset that I was hanging out with people who they thought I no longer hung out with. How did it get to this? Turns out my Dad walked into my room, rummaged through my tv stand, back pack and gym bag while I was asleep. He found 4-5 grams and brought it to the meeting. My parents are convinced that I am addicted to MJ. The Student Services Agent didn't help much either. She agrees with my parents and even showed them some rehab centers I could go to. I do not believe I am addicted to MJ. I have proven to myself time and time again that it is really easy to stop. I consistently take a month off of smoking every other month. (I find after smoking for a couple/few months it gets increasingly more expensive to get high) I do not want to go to rehab for something I am not addicted too, nor do I like paying more than I need too in order to get something I want. (Relaxed, hanging with friends, having a good laugh) I can hang out with friends and have a good laugh with or without pot. I'm simply a lot less stressed when I'm high.


Moving Out

In October, 2012, I told my parents I wanted to move out summer, 2013, with one of my friends they were fond of, MH. MH and I go way back. All the way back to high school Grade 10. He was one of the first people I met when I started smoking. He is attending college at Sheridan, where I plan to be attending in September. He currently works at Wal-Mart and lives at home with his parents. He has expressed to me his desire to move and we have made plans accordingly. My parents were very supportive of this idea. (Moving out = awesome student loan... two 18 year olds whose combined salary will be less than $1200 a month living in an apartment vs 18 year old living at home whose parents combined income is 130,000 - 150,000.)

If I were to live with my parents, they would invest in my future and I would have to pay them back regardless of the outcome. The problem with having to live with my parents is that I do not want live with them anymore, nor do I want to go to rehab. If I were live with MH, It would be highly likely to get generous student loan and I would owe the government whatever amount they gave me. The amount would not increase more than the money on loan until 6 months after finishing college. The amount given cannot exceed over 12, 000. Basically, these are all precautions OSAP (Ontario Student Assistance Program) has taken so students will have a harder time fucking their life up. The problem with waiting until MH and I are ready to move out, is that I would have to attend rehab. I don't see a point in going to rehab because I am not addicted to any substance.

There is always another option. Such as, moving out into RN's place. RN's mother has said to me on multiple occasions that if I ever end up on the streets or couldn't handle living at home anymore, she would take me in. The problem with RN's place is that my parents despise RN. Him and his twin brother introduced me to smoking pot. My parents blame RN for my current "addiction". Him and his brother are also the people my parents forbade me from hanging around in High School. The other problem of moving into RNs place is that I would not be able to leave my parents house on a good note. Typically, when someones son or daughter moves out, one would show their parents where they are moving to, how to contact them, bring them to the place and show them how safe it is. I wouldn't be able to do this. I would simply have to pack my bags and leave.

This will put a lot of negative strain on my parents. Maybe in this case where I dont want to go to rehab, but I do want a relationship with my parents it would be better to accomplish my goals on my own and come back to them afterwards. In doing this, I would be able to say "I told you so. I know you guys just wanted what was best for me. Didn't you ever think of toning down the emotions and letting me focus instead of saying "I could be truthful with you two" then proceed to ruin my life for the "better" because it is what YOU THINK and not what I BELIEVE". On the flip side, maybe going to rehab and mending my relationships with my parents is the right thing to do. Maybe we really could have an honest and truthful relationship with each other instead of me having to lie about the stupidest things so they don't get their panties in a twist. I love my parents. I know they want what is best for me. I know they have more life experience than me. I know its not easy to live on your own. I know for sure I will miss the odd day my mom is off work, makes dinner and brings it down to my bedroom for me to eat. I know all this and that why it is so hard for me to make this decision. This is why I am on google searching for something to aid me in finding my answer. This is how I ended up on teen help forums. I am tired of this emotional roller coaster. I simply want to move on with my life.

There are good things about moving to RNs place too. I wouldn't have to go to Rehab. I can focus on making money to move out with MH in the summer. An ALC (Adult Learning Center) is closer to their house than my own for the MCT4C course I need. (20 minutes on the bus instead of 40.) I will have a roof over my head, food cooked for me, I would be treated like an adult for once in my life. I wouldnt always have to be telling my parents where I am going/ what are we doing/ what time I will be back. RNs mom would simply like to know when I am leaving, do have I have my phone on me, and will I be back in time for dinner.

*Why is there nothing below the heading "Responsibility"? Everything is under it. It is my responsibility to attend college, move out and figure out how to get across to my parents I am not addicted to pot. I am seeking the viewpoints of others to help aid me on my journey through life.*

*Please don't post repeating what I have already said unless you have (a) something to ask or (b) something to add. I'm asking how you would handle the situation if you were in it yourself or how you have handled a similar situation. I understand that what you and I would do are two different things. However, knowing how other people have dealt with similar situations or how they would handle the situation I am in, would help me reach my own conclusion immensely.*

Ps: Sorry for the wall of text. There is a lot of information and as a result, a lot of a text. I would "TL;DR" it but I do not feel I can accurately shrink the information I am trying to get across without losing its meaning. I apologize if this is the wrong section. If it is in the wrong section, simply put it where it belongs.

Re: Moving out, Addiction, College and Responsibility
 

First and foremost, welcome to TeenHelp. :)

You need to calm yourself down. Having all of these undecided feelings are not healthy. Do you have a hobby? Drawing, writing, exercising, singing? You need something to mediate yourself. If it seems that things aren't going the way you want them to, just take a few moments and do something you enjoy doing. I do not want you to have a panic attack of anything of that sort.

Accepting your marijuana addiction is already a good first step. But what I can't seem to understand is you say your addiction keeps flip flopping. It seems the initiative to stop the addiction is there, but relapse is bound to happen. Wether you decide to go into rehab is your decision.

Maybe understanding that many jobs drug test for marijuana. If you continue habitual marijuana use, finding a part time job whilst going to school might be an issue.

In addition, stop comparing yourself to others. Just because person A and person B is doing that, doesn't mean you should. If these people aren't friends and family who truly care about you, who gives a shit?

You have a big list of priorities that you need to solve and sort out for yourself. At the end of the day, you are an adult. You are responsibile for your own choices. You don't have to do anything that you don't wish to do, but just remember unwise choices will come back to haunt you.

I myself was a marijuana user. But I noticed the people I would toke with are homeless hippies, in jail, or they are drifters.

If you make six figures, have a nice lifestyle and career, it seems they can smoke whenever they want. But with you being young, maybe you should really think about this addiction.

If you have any questions please reply or send me a pm. :)

Re: Moving out, Addiction, College and Responsibility
 

Thanks for the welcoming.

I apologize if I seem as though I am not calm. This is the first time I've been completely 100% honest about my use of marijuana use throughout high school. I won't have a panic attack. Then again, I believe I've never had one. Perhaps, I've never acknowledged to having one. I have many hobbies, which include: Basketball, Programming, Gaming and Working out. I would say taking a few moments to enjoy something I like to do isn't the wisest choice of action. I have been doing nothing but what I like to do for the past 4 and a half years. I think I need to do some real soul searching which is what your simple post is making a hell of a lot easier to do.

I never claimed to having a marijuana addiction. I simply used it as a heading because my parents are convinced I have one. I stated that because I can go throw life with or without marijuana I don't think I am addicted. I feel as though the fact that I can take a month off marijuana and feel same as the month I am is proof that I am not addicted. After watching "The Union" and several other pro-pot youtube videos I noticed one common re-occurrence. That is the lack of ability for your body to develop the frontal cortex. The frontal cortex is responsible for "executive functions of the frontal lobes involve the ability to recognize future consequences resulting from current actions, to choose between good and bad actions (or better and best), override and suppress socially unacceptable responses, and determine similarities and differences between things or events. The frontal lobes also play an important part in retaining longer term memories which are not task-based. These are often memories associated with emotions derived from input from the brain's limbic system. The frontal lobe modifies those emotions to generally fit socially acceptable norms." - wikipedia[dot]org/wiki/Frontal_lobe#Function
(I know, shame on me for using wiki as a resource)

After finding out this information, I don't want to be smoking marijuana until my body and brain are fully developed. I simply hope that the months of not smoking marijuana has at least done something to help with the development of my frontal cortex. :#

I live in Canada. The only jobs that test for drugs are government jobs. It won't be an issue. Perhaps, OSAP does drug tests on people they loan money to. That would be an issue. That would suck, if I don't get OSAP, I would have to pay for the apartment and my day to day life using emergency savings instead of steady payments from OSAP.

I disagree with this statement entirely. I also believe that this statement has no place as a reply to anything I have said. The only comparison I have made is between "a loser who never graduated high school, gets high off any drug he can get and works at McDonald's" and what I wanted to be. I'm going to give a shit if a (completely hypothetical) 300lbs body mass builder says to smoke this joint or he'll beat the shit out of me. Im going to skip on the pain train. I agree that what friends and family say is more important but you still have to give a shit what the randoms are saying. You never know how people are going to react to what you do and that can be scary. I understand that people will try to drag me down in life, but not giving a shit isn't the answer. The answer is to see past that and move on with your life. If you were making reference to MH or RN vs me, then I think you may of misread something. I didn't compare myself to them once.

Yes, I do have a big list of priorities. No, I do not need to solve and sort it out myself. Help will always be there, you just have to know where to look. I know, I am an adult and am responsible for my own choices. Why do you think I'm attempting everything I can to make an informed life choice?. Do you think I want a petty tear? a pat on the back? A boo hoo? for sharing my story with you? I am trying my best to make an informed decision. Giving a shit is the least I could do.

<sarcasm>Generalizations, cool.</sarcasm> I noticed the people I would burn with have jobs, attend college, own a car and have a good time on weekends with an illegal substance that is actually good for you when you are fully grown. Now that I know it is not healthy for adolescents to smoke, I'm going to stop and pass the word on to my friends.

I would appreciate it if you would stop generalizing. It is not the cool thing to do. Its not an addiction. No, you don't have to make six figures or have a "nice career". Its not even about a "nice lifestyle". Its about making healthy decisions in life. At my current age it isn't healthy to smoke marijuana. If I had known this when I first tried smoking, I would of never done it.

Thanks for the reply. I will always appreciate someone taking time out of their day to try to help me out.

__________________________________________________ _______________

I guess this shifts the focus of this thread to how to prepare for the conversation with my parents stating that I will not be attending rehab and I refuse to smoke MJ anymore. It isn't going to be a walk in the park. They are not just going to believe every word I say and reply "Oh good job, Mark! You've been struggling with this "problem" for quite a long time now! Now you are finally in control!"

Is there ways to test my blood/urine/hair for marijuana that I can purchase online or at the doctors? Will I have to visit the doctor regularly in order to checked? The reason why I bring up getting checked, is that once the weed is out of my system, my parents or doctor would be able to easily tell if I was smoking again. It would be very easy to tell my parents that I'm not going to rehab, I'm not smoking up anymore and this is how I believe we should proceed.

I believe this would be a pretty good way to proceed. Any other ideas, add-ons, etc. would be greatly appreciated. Do not be afraid to post! :P

Re: Moving out, Addiction, College and Responsibility
 

Re: Moving out, Addiction, College and Responsibility
 

Thanks for sharing your experience with me and for posting!