TeenHelp - How do I confess to my anti-drugs boyfriend....??

TeenHelp (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/)

- Relationships and Dating (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-relationships-dating/)

- - How do I confess to my anti-drugs boyfriend....?? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-relationships-dating/t128791-how-do-i-confess-my-anti-drugs-boyfriend/)

How do I confess to my anti-drugs boyfriend....??

Last summer my boyfriend (of 3.5 years) and I nearly broke up over the fact that I told him I wanted to try E. I'm not exactly experienced with drugs, apart from the odd social joint here and there, and part of this is because I've been with him for the last few years and he's very against drugs - he doesn't even like the ide of me smoking weed.

Anyway tonight I was out with friends and ended up having half an E. Grand. I've been wanting to do so for a long time. I'm 23 and am happy enough making my own decisions. I liked it, it won't be the last time and I like the idea of trying out other things too in good time. At 23 and not a particularly anti-drugs person, I feel a bit behind the times to be honest.

But how do I tell him this?? I would have tried lots of different things by now if I wasn't with him I know. I know I shouldn't let our relationship affect my personal decisions blablabla, but at the same time we're best friends, I fully respect his opinions and we both work to keep each other happy and our relationship good. He reacted so badly last time to hearing even that I was planning to try it and he's so against that kind of thing.

Anyone been in a similar situation...??

Re: How do I confess to my anti-drugs boyfriend....??

I told him and he wasn't happy at all.

Re: How do I confess to my anti-drugs boyfriend....??

There is no right or wrong way to think about drug use. People are allowed to have their own opinions on the subject, and unless they're affecting other people with their own beliefs, it shouldn't really matter.

I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from because I'm not a fan of drugs either. One of my ex-boyfriends had used drugs well before we started dating, and the idea of it still bothered me. I don't have a reason for this, but it's just the way I felt. My suggestion would be to talk to your boyfriend and ask him why he dislikes the idea of you doing drugs so much. For some people, their reasons behind this opinion is more than warranted - i.e., perhaps they had a family member with a drug addiction, or maybe he's worried that drugs will change you as a person, etc. I'd definitely recommend why he feels so strongly against you doing drugs, and go from there.

I know it might be difficult because you don't share the same opinions on the subject, but try to understand where he's coming from - especially if he has a really personal reason for disliking drug use. If you're serious about trying to make the relationship work, this communication is essential. It might be tough to talk about this right now, but give both of your emotions time to settle down, and then have a mature conversation about it. It is imperative that you both consider the other's opinion, or else talking will be futile.

However, at the end of the day, sometimes, people are just too different. While this might not be an issue in someone else's relationship, it could very well be an issue in yours. Ask yourself: if your drug use could potentially end your relationship, would you continue to do them? And, no, I'm not asking you to change for your boyfriend or anything, because I feel strongly that an individual should maintain their independence during a relationship. However, if this is the case, then maybe you two aren't compatible as a couple - and there's nothing wrong with that. Neither of you are wrong, but your opinions are different and neither of you should have to compromise your beliefs.

That being said, if your relationship is very important to you, I'd try to find a way to compromise. Firstly, talk to your boyfriend and find out his reasoning behind this opinion. Then, go from there. I wouldn't recommend pressing the issue right away; wait until things cool down a bit, and then see if you can sit down and have a conversation together.

Good luck.

Re: How do I confess to my anti-drugs boyfriend....??

^ I concur with just about everything stated here.

I'm a fairly pro-drug person, at least when it comes to the more innocuous substances (weed, LSD, mushrooms, DXM, etc.) I think it's very important to understand the reasons your boyfriend is anti-drug, which may have implications for the future of your relationship. If he's concerned with addiction and has seen friends/family struggle with overdoses, withdrawal, etc., I tend to think he can be "reasoned with." Obviously you'll want to approach the subject carefully and stress that you don't fit the pattern he's used to seeing.

On the other hand, if he objects to drug use on more basic principles (such as religion or philosophy), you may encounter major problems raising the subject under any circumstances. In that case, it is probably appropriate to consider whether the relationship will actually work in the long term.

Re: How do I confess to my anti-drugs boyfriend....??

As far as I know, he mostly just doesn't approve of drugs because they're illegal. His school friends would have never been into them and he wouldn't really be around them that much so a lot of it would be a lack of knowledge, but at the same time it's never something I'd try and force him to confront.

We actually ended up breaking up last night guys, because of a few other things - I think the fight we had over the drugs was really just a catalyst. But thanks a lot for the replies anyway.