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ZaraWrites Offline
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Mum going back to smoking - July 31st 2016, 01:22 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey,

So my mum quit smoking back in January and she's been doing really well since. Thing is, on Thursday, we all found out my granddad has cancer, and has 2 months left to live. She's just come home, and I saw that she had cigarettes in her pocket. I asked her and she said she really needed them. I just said "If you want to go and kill yourself (From these) then go ahead" And walked off. Thing is, because of the speed I walked off, I really hurt myself, as Wednesday I had a major surgery, which I am meant to be recovering, and right now I can't move that fast. I just don't know what to do. I'm going to be keeping an eye on my dressing in case I've upset the stitching, but I really don't know what to do anymore.

Please help




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Re: Mum going back to smoking - July 31st 2016, 01:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZaraWrites|26.6.15 View Post
Hey,

So my mum quit smoking back in January and she's been doing really well since. Thing is, on Thursday, we all found out my granddad has cancer, and has 2 months left to live. She's just come home, and I saw that she had cigarettes in her pocket. I asked her and she said she really needed them. I just said "If you want to go and kill yourself (From these) then go ahead" And walked off. Thing is, because of the speed I walked off, I really hurt myself, as Wednesday I had a major surgery, which I am meant to be recovering, and right now I can't move that fast. I just don't know what to do. I'm going to be keeping an eye on my dressing in case I've upset the stitching, but I really don't know what to do anymore.

Please help
Go to her again, apologize for storming off
Tell her again that she does not need ciggarettes, she needs family. Hug and her and say I don't want to lose you too. Tell her again, don't smoke I love you.
   
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Re: Mum going back to smoking - July 31st 2016, 02:20 PM

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Originally Posted by Dominant View Post
Go to her again, apologize for storming off
Tell her again that she does not need ciggarettes, she needs family. Hug and her and say I don't want to lose you too. Tell her again, don't smoke I love you.
Hey, my dad knows she's starting to smoke again, but doesn't know that I know. I apologized for it, but I said what I thought. I did try to tell her, but she said I have my fiancé and my dad will make rude remarks (My dad really hates my granddad). I suggested we could have a cuddle and a chat about it later on




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SKITTLIFY!!!!!
   
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Re: Mum going back to smoking - August 1st 2016, 01:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZaraWrites|26.6.15 View Post
Hey, my dad knows she's starting to smoke again, but doesn't know that I know. I apologized for it, but I said what I thought. I did try to tell her, but she said I have my fiancé and my dad will make rude remarks (My dad really hates my granddad). I suggested we could have a cuddle and a chat about it later on

Going back and apologizing was very mature of you and what you did from there on. That's something to be proud of! I hope you get to talk about it soon heart to heart. Keep us updated if you'd like. Hang in there
   
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Re: Mum going back to smoking - August 2nd 2016, 12:01 PM

A few years ago my uncle finally stopped smoking. He was a fair few months in and then my nan died. He started smoking again. Since then he would stop smoking for a bit then start up again and it's really played on his health because stopping and starting (from what I've heard so don't quote me on this) is actually worse than one or the other because the lungs are just starting to repair themselves from the damage smoking has caused, only for it to be constantly undone over and over.

Although smoking is going to damage her health, cause issues for anyone who breathes in her second-hand smoke as well as possibly make you feel all kinds of things, please don't forget to take into account what she's feeling. Yes she's done so well in stopping smoking and that's such a great thing, but something life-changing has just happened and smoking is the only way she can deal with it. It's like telling someone who self-harms not to self-harm. If you were in that position, would you be prepared to listen? I know I wouldn't. Everyone has their own method of coping with pain; right now, your mother's method is dealing with this tragic news by smoking. However hard it may be, however upsetting and difficult it is, try not to alienate your mother because you disagree with how she forms her expression of pain. Support her through it and she will stop smoking when the time is right for her. As the expression goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.


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Re: Mum going back to smoking - August 3rd 2016, 08:19 PM

I understand how you feel about your mom smoking. My mother does too and she always comes up with excuse after excuse as to why she hasn't quit or is starting back up again. Ultimately she's an adult and can do what she wants, but I like to remind my mom often about the resources she has to better herself and that we'd all support her. That's all you really can do when someone uses a legal substance like cigarettes. For my mom, I tell her she can smoke as long as she doesn't in the house. Smoking in below freezing or pouring down rain weather can make it a bit less appealing. Ultimately just support her if/when she decides to cut back on or quit smoking. In the mean time, try not to argue about it if you can help it. It won't really get you far besides the both of you getting upset with each other. You can always try to approach the subject calmly, but it's an addiction that many people who use don't see a problem with.

Sorry I can't offer much advice, but I do relate to how you feel. Hang in there.


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against every odd that is stacked against them.” — Nikita Gill
   
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Re: Mum going back to smoking - August 7th 2016, 09:44 PM

Your mom is probably feeling sad and stressed which is why she has gone back to smoking. It becomes a coping skill for a lot of people. I know my dad quit smoking years ago but when his dad got sick he started up again.

Oliver gave you some solid advice though. I know how worrying it is to have someone you love start smoking but they are an adult and they have to make their own choices. The best thing you can do is remind your mom that you are there to support her.


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