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Skyline Offline
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Unhappy worried about boyfriend's smoking habits... - April 22nd 2017, 09:21 AM

Heya, so this isn't a super big deal or anything but it's caught my attention and I'm just worried that my boyfriend's smoking habits (both tobacco and weed, but mainly weed) will have bad consequences on him in the future. From what I've seen and gathered from conversations we've had, he'll smoke a moderate amount of weed on a regular basis (I'm estimating a joint every two days), and his relationship to weed is very casual, as in it's pretty much just as normal for him as it is for most tobacco smokers to have a cigarette. he'll smoke by himself, after school, sometimes a little with me. I (and most of my close friends who smoke weed) will only smoke it if it's available at a party, or on other rare(ish) occasions when we're just amongst friends having a night out or something. So I probably smoke weed once a week on average, and when I do I only ever take a few hits so I never get high for more than fifteen minutes or so.

The thing is, his best friend (who lives right next door to him) is a very heavy weed smoker, as are most of his other close friends, and I suspect that this social context is probably more the cause of his weed habits than a serious addiction or anything. This topic has come up in conversation before, and he told me that he wasn't addicted and that he was perfectly able to completely stop smoking for a month or more (he's done it before without a problem), and I trust that. At one point when we were talking about how humans tend to socialise around a specific "ritual" (like going to a bar and getting drinks or going out to dinner as opposed to just walking around undistracted by any other activity), he mentioned that he and his best friend almost never hang out when sober, or else it's awkward and feels unnatural, so they always talk over a joint. So I don't think it's so much a physical addiction as a mental one, because he associates it with hanging out with friends and it's become a habit. I also think part of it is a form of rebellion, because I know that his parents are very traditional and disapprove of it (though they're aware that he does smoke weed, but not in what amounts; I don't even think they know that he buys his own.) That being said I wouldn't say it's necessarily peer pressure or anything, but rather that he smokes it because he likes it and it's available..
Regarding his weed consumption he seems not to be in denial of it or anything, because we've spoken about it openly. However when it comes to tobacco, in the very first month of us dating I recall him saying that he doesn't smoke tobacco by itself, but recently I've noticed him finishing a cigarette now and then, so although he doesn't seem to be a heavy tobacco smoker it does concern me that he's not open about it.

It also worries me because he's an all-around smart, down-to-earth person, and I know that he's perfectly conscious of the effects that regular cannabis consumption has, yet despite that he doesn't seem to be limiting how much he smokes. I just know that he knows better, and it concerns me that he's not doing anything about it.

By the way, none of this is coming from a place of judgement or criticism. It doesn't even affect me in any direct way; he doesn't act any differently when he's smoked, it isn't like the smell or taste bothers me or anything, so the only issue I have about it is knowing what could happen if he keeps this habit up. I have an uncle who had a psychotic episode a couple of years ago (he became severely paranoid and delusional) which was almost certainly triggered by his weed-smoking habits, so because of this I suppose I'm maybe a tad more cautious of it.

So yeah, what do you make of this? Do I have reason to be worried? And if so, how do you think I should talk to him about it, if at all? We haven't been dating that long (just over 2 months) so I'm all the more cautious about bringing this up as really I'm in no place to give him advice or whatever, and I really wouldn't want it to come across as criticizing, judgemental or like I disapproved, and risk losing his trust.

Thanks! x


"You shall love your crooked neighbour / with your crooked heart."
   
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Re: worried about boyfriend's smoking habits... - April 22nd 2017, 02:39 PM

You have a right to be worried. You care for him so that's the reason why. I'm not really sure what to say as my friend has went through that too. Just I would talk to him about your worry and your thoughts on this and his mates I would say to them as well. I'm sorry that's your going through this but you have to be strong so he can be strong. Keep in touch
Holly x
   
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