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Lil Offline
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Unhappy worried - September 13th 2009, 05:29 AM

My best friend of 7 years smokes ciggaretts,weed,drinks and God knows what else :/.. i know she has a lot of depression issues she tells me it makes her feel better but i dont think this is the right way to deal with it im worried she going to start taking a lot worse things instead of just weed.Last time i slept over at her house her and some other people where smokin and where drinking.whilst i didnt smoke anything i did indeed drink quite a bit..and absolutely loved it..its been 2 months and i wish i could drink again cause i feel really stressed out..im almost tempted to steal alcohol from my parents but i havent :/...i feel horrible thinking about it...any advice would be appreciated..


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: worried - September 13th 2009, 02:05 PM

Hey Lil,

It can be really hard to feel depressed and not know how to make it better. Lots of people try and turn to drugs and/or alcohol to try and help themselves but actually in the long run it can make things worse. Have you tried to talk to her about how worried you are? She might not realise how it is making you feel and I think if she knew she could reassure you etc. She might need some help from somebody if she is really depressed; has she seen a doctor or therapist? If she manages to get help for the depression and starts to feel better then she won't need to do drugs or drink and it will be easier to stop.

You said you felt like stealing drink from your parents to cope with feeling stressed but honestly I don't think that's a great idea. Sure, it might help a bit in the moment but then when the effects wear off you will be feeling worse again. The long term effects of alcohol are also worth thinking about. Maybe you and your friend could both support each other through this? Often it helps people if they have somebody to talk to about how they are feeling. There are lots of other people who could help too, such as family members or your own GP, if you felt unable to do that.

Take care,
Jen


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Re: worried - September 13th 2009, 04:04 PM

Hey Lil!

I'm sorry to hear that you and your friend are going through a tough time right now. Depression can often drive people into substance use, and it seems like it's doing just that for your friend. Also, potentially yourself as well. You can be a part of the solution here!

The most obvious way to approach this would be talking to her. Let her know how her actions are affecting you, and how you wish she could cut down on the drinking and smoking. Cigarrettes are legal (surely you know that) so, I'd say your major talk should be about the drinking and the weed. I understand you're concern about the cigarrettes as well, but unfortunately, that's where you have to say it's her body, and she can do that if she wishes.

If you feel you cannot speak to her without getting upset, or you're not good with words. Try writing her a note saying everything that you need to. That way, you can be sure you're saying everything you want to, without it being misunderstood or you forgetting anything. She may also react better to a note, and it also may hit her harder, in the way that she may realize what she's doing is not healthy.

We do have a few informative videos in the videos section about this, here. You can watch them if you feel they're needed. They might be able to help, most notably the last one about helping friends.

Try and make it very clear that going further then weed is incredibly dangerous, and it's not worth her time, money, or possibly her life. Take it from someone who knows, this stuff is no joke, and should be avoided no matter what.

As for yourself, do not steal your parents alcohol. For one thing, they may notice and question you, which is awkward enough. But also you're just harming yourself, you don't need to drink. There are plenty of other ways to handle your stress or depression. I've found this great site for managing your stress, it's reliable and all of it is very truthful. Find that here.

One thing that I want to highlight for you, and for your friend, is to get active. Regular excersize, and just being outside can help with these things. Get active in your community, your school, you church, whatever you want. Just, keep yourself busy, it's one of the best things you can do when fighting urges for alcohol or drugs. I know many people who relapsed, or even started drinking in the first place because they had "nothing better to do".

Stay strong Lil, I know this is a difficult time, but I know that you can do it! You're a strong girl with a great heart, you'll pull through.

PM me if you ever need anything. I'm always here.
-Dylan.
   
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Re: worried - September 14th 2009, 11:03 PM

Believe me iv tried talking to her i really have for a long time..but she just doesnt believe me and just lets her older sis give her all that stuff and believe only her.It doesnt help that your girlfriend does this stuff with her and encourages her.Its also hard to know how bad she getting with this stuff cause i live llike over an hour away from her so its hard to see her often.EVerything i say to her she gets upset and yells at me and blames me and tells me not to listen to her bitching anymore anything i say always backfires.I dont want her to get in trouble(by the way ciggarets are illegal to buy at her age were i live) or hurt or anything.While the thought is ther i dont think i will be stealing any alcohol from my parents.im out of ideas here on what do.ugh just ugh....thank you guys for the advice.


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
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