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here comes trouble =O
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Name: brandy
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i'm just a fuckup. - October 31st 2009, 07:01 PM

i'm sorry but i'm a mess right now. my boyfriend won't talk to me, he basically said he was done caring about me. i can't stop crying and this is all my fault. i'm just a fuck up. i don't understand how any one could love me. but he does and what to do i do. i hurt him time after time and he always forgives me. he said he was done this time. i don't mean to drink so much. i know my drinking is tearing us apart but i just can't stop. i don't know what to do anymore. i try to be good. i do. i try to be everything he wants but i just can't. i'm just a fuck up and i always will be. i know i should just walk away, he deserves so much better than me. but i can't go. i love him soo much. we use to be so good together. he said he loves the old me, not me now. and it hurts. i get drunk and i get stupid. i fight with him over nothing and i don't listen to him. i talk bad about him when i'm drunk and i really don't know why because i love him. i don't want to hurt him. we have so many problems now and i feel like its all my fault. i hate myself so much. i fucking hate who i am. i don't deserve to be loved by anyone because all i do is hurt them. i keep blaming my problems on other people but it's not their fault its mine. i never got over what happened to me in the past and i just carry it around on my shoulders like everyone owes me something now. i'm just so sick of everything. i can't be who i use to be, i don't even know that girl anymore. how am i suppose to fix this. i can't help i have a drinking problem, i tell myself i won't drink but i do. i'm a selfish asshole.
   
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Re: i'm just a fuckup. - October 31st 2009, 07:14 PM

hey Brandy have you talked to anyone about your drinking? maybe if you show your bf that your willing to give up drinking he will come back he obviously loves you he could be angry because he is worried about you but doesnt know how to help you let him know that your really struggling with your problems. Having a drink problem is not easy but you need to get help not just for your bf but for yourself aswell, if you want to talk more feel free to pm me anytime

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here comes trouble =O
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Re: i'm just a fuckup. - October 31st 2009, 07:26 PM

i haven't talked to anyone. i wouldn't know where to start. i'm embarrassed. i mean i'm young, it's normal to drink but i'm outta hand. drinking problem runs in my family and i see what it does to them and i said i wouldn't be like that but i am. i'm just like them.
   
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