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ediesedgwick Offline
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Unhappy how do you deal with guilt - December 21st 2009, 02:13 AM

About a year and a half ago I was at a party where I tried mdma for the first time. I was curious and didn't really give it much thought. I ended up having a threesome with my stripper friend and her drug dealer. If this had been a friend who had done this I wouldnt have cared. But this isn't something I'd do and it's like I was out of my mind...
I still think about it now and worry people will find out.. Every time I think about it I feel sick and it just doesn't feel like ME I still see these two people in clubs and around.. It just makes me feel sick.. what was I thinking..

I'm just wondering if anyone can give me any advice on how to rationalise this in my head, and how I can forget about this and not feel sick every time I think about it. Have any of you done things like this you regret so much ? How do you deal with it?
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Jen Offline
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Re: how do you deal with guilt - December 21st 2009, 03:44 PM


First, welcome to TH Glad you are here!

Second: so, I can't directly relate, in that I haven't ever done ecstasy! But, I have definitely done my fair share of things that I shouldn't have done--some alcohol-induced, some not. And like you, I was really really really hard on myself about those things, for weeks and months and years. I drove myself crazy because I would just beat myself up for doing things.

I guess what I finally realized is that beating myself up got me nowhere. I was feeling awful already, and being cruel to myself about it just made me feel worse, you know? And, we are allowed to feel compassionate toward ourselves. Like, everyone makes mistakes, everyone experiments, everyone makes the wrong choices sometimes. And no, it doesn't always feel good, but it's also OKAY. You know? We don't have to be perfect....and I think I was able to practice telling myself that. Maybe I screwed up and did some things that hurt others or upset me, but I'm also human. And I was confused and scared and I was just trying things out. And now I've learned and I can make future choices based on these outcomes. You know?

You are totally allowed to feel compassionate. And to NOT beat yourself up. You're not a bad person. Promise.
Hang in there.

"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

“if nothing changed, there’d be no butterflies”

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Re: how do you deal with guilt - December 22nd 2009, 02:42 AM

Heyy I too cannot directly relate in anyway, but thing I have felt sick to the stomach for doing in the past, I've simply come to terms with as part of my life.

This will probably come out badly... But; this is how I used to see it, and how I see it now... When I used to do something wrong, I used to obsess over it, try to put it right numerous times, even if past attempts failed, all too often they made the situation worse, but still I carried on...

And then I made a big big what I thought was mistake, HUGE regret in my life, I wasn't acting under complete, well... I wasn't thinking right at the time, and I'm not going to say what I did, but let me tell you it tore me apart for years.

It was really the good things that happened after though, and looking at other peoples lives... And I now like to think of my life as a book . Its not all going to end with this one event that happened in the past, but just say I hadn't done it, what other mistakes may I have made later on? Worse?? Or what other sort of things could have happened to me?

In short, life's all about experience, you're past makes you who you are... You don't have to accept your actions in the past, you may never be able too, but if you can accept yourself for who you are now, and what those actions made you into, every time theres a good moment, you can think maybe, just maybe that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't done that in the past.

If other people find out, I honestly can only say shrug it off... A LOT easier than it sounds, people may, or may not make a big thing out of it, but being bullied in the past, something in a way I wish never happened to me, in another way I'm happy did, because much bigger more meaningful matters now I can simply smile at and move on knowing how to react .

Finally I'll just mention this, I don't know if you believe in parallel universes... I personally think its a very cool idea, the thought that every decision we make, universes are spawned with the separate other decision(s) we could have made. I would wish no harm on you or anyone, but just say you hadn't gone with your friend and that guy... Just say you'd taken another drug, another drug cut with something bad; you know? I'm in NO WAY belittling what you've been through and if you want anymore advice PLEASE feel free to PM me... But with every decision the may just be a parallel universe out there with something even worse happening to the decision you made.

How can one love themselves, when they love absolutely nothing?
Do something that is interesting. If it is not interesting, find out why it is not interesting.
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Re: how do you deal with guilt - December 27th 2009, 04:19 PM

The guilt you're talking about may also be related to the comedown in which guilt and sadness is a common feeling, but honestly, you're young and you're having fun. Everyone experiments with SOMETHING at this age. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't be ashamed, and if you enjoyed it or had fun, don't regret it. You want to leave this life knowing you never had any regrets and if you don't want to try any hard drugs anymore just take this experience and think of it as a learning process. This is how many, many people (including myself) feel the first time they try a drug, but it's nothing to worry about. Just don't let it become a troublesome habit k? You're a good person and to even acknowledge what you did is a great thing. I think the guilt also comes from the stigma that comes along with drugs in our society. And if people want to talk, then let them. Honestly honey there are more people who have tried a drug then people who haven't whether its from tobacco and prescription meds to cocaine and ecstasy. Don't care about what people think. All that matters is what you feel and what you make of it. Fuck everything else.
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Re: how do you deal with guilt - January 3rd 2010, 06:30 PM

Jen’s 100% correct you have to understand that beating yourself up isn’t going to do much good. Yes you’ve made a mistake but good has come from it. Now you know never to do drugs and you also will not hang around that crowed again.

I strongly suggest you just turn the other cheek and more forward. Have no futher dealings with those people and just remember life goes on. I know its hard but beating yourself up just gets tiring correct?

So from here on out, you’re a new man and I think you should just forget that ever happened and live your life and don’t repeat the same mistakes.

Good Luck.
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Re: how do you deal with guilt - January 16th 2010, 07:59 PM

It was a one time thing, we regret alot of the mistakes we make but the good thing is, we learn from them and know better not to do it again.
It was a mistake you made, nobody's perfect and we all make mistakes, so don't dwell on it. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you normal. Don't let it make you feel all this guilt. You won't do it again because now you know better, so just try to forget about it and let it go.
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