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Helping A Friend. - February 3rd 2010, 11:40 PM

I'm fairly certain he's addicted to drugs, and I'm really struggling.

He used to be an amazing guy, funniest person you'd ever meet, gorgeous smile, loved everybody. I know he used to smoke a joint occasionally, and lots of people do. In November though, he started to use ALOT .. his parents found out, and kicked him to the curb so to speak (we're both 17 btw). He lost his car, his home, and now he's losing his job because he hasn't shown up for three shifts in a row and never called in or anything.

He ignored my texts for a long time, until today when I told him how it was: I missed him, I cared about him, and I wasn't going to stop texting him until I knew he was okay. He was only texting when he wanted something, but today I've managed to make a breakthrough and we had a chat on Facebook for a bit, and he's been talking to me since.

We have agreed to have lunch on Friday. And, I'm nervous. I am afraid of saying the wrong things, and I'm afraid of making him build up the wall I've tried soo hard to break down. He doesn't like to know people care about him, but I feel like I have to tell him I do. I don't want to preach to him that he needs to clean up his act because I know he'll just start being defensive again.

He is so smart. But he's not going to any classes. It makes me so upset; I feel like I can't do anything. He can't keep bouncing from house to house. He doesn't even look after himself really. This will be the first time I've hung out with him since about a month ago when he started getting really bad. I asked him today if he was doing anything else but weed and he said he wasn't that stupid, but I dunno.

He's getting drunk and coming to school. I just don't know how to act around him. I feel so upset, remembering the old him makes me want to cry. Should I let him see how I actually feel? Or should I act normally? What kind of questions should I ask? Should I ask him about the situation or stay away from it?

Blaaah. I want to help him so very badly, I just don't know what to do.
   
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Re: Helping A Friend. - February 4th 2010, 03:21 AM

Hey Lori,

I've kind of been in a similar situation. Dealing with drug related issues can be really hard. As to your questions:

1. I think that showing him exactly how upset you are might be a little extream, but there is no harm in showing him that you are hurt, concerned and willing to help. With his family throwing him out he might feel like no one cares either way. You could change that view point.

2. Ask the normal questions. Have a normal conversation like you would with the old him. Drugs do change a person but he is still in there somewhere, see if you can get him out, for even just a few minutes. If you want to talk about the situation, see if he brings it up first, if he doesnt he is either waiting for you to ask, or doesn't want to talk about it at all.

3. If you do want to ask him about the situation I suggest doing it in a very non-judgemental way. Make sure he knows that you accept him for the decisions that he is making, but that you don't approve of them. That is okay. If talking to him about it is going okay, maybe tell him how much the drugs have changed him, he might not see it. Sometimes people are blind to the things they enjoy. If he enjoys getting high enough, he will be oblivious to how much it has effected him.

I hope this helped. I have been in a situation similar so if you have any other questions just PM me. I know how hard it is to watch someone go down a bad road and now be able to turn them around. Just remember that it is his life, and sometimes people have to learn the hard way.

Take care,
PM me anytime


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