Liking an addict

[Novacaine]

Hello everybody
I really don't know what I should do.. I like someone very much but he's quite addicted to weed. He smokes everyday and I'm always very sad when i notice he did it or when he does it in front of me. I think he likes me aswell, but I really can't be with someone who smokes weed everyday and takes speed from time to time .__. And I feel so bad because I just can't stop him from doing it.. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do now..

[purplekc95]

i think you should just offer him a new years resoulution to quit ??? (: And be like at first like you like anybody ?? and if he does and says its you , you should be like well if you like me or this someone and if they asked you to do anything would you ??? and if he says it depends or sure you bring up the weed casually and like that kind of stuff.
There's many ways of talking to someone who is addicted to something. You just gotta find the words to say it in a casual way , and if he isn't the type to get defensive about it then your fine!

PM me if you need anything else?? (:

[LondonLove]

You should talk to him about the way you feel, although it may not work, but the point is you still let him know. To tell you the truth he probably won't get off, so you just might have to just deal with it and keep telling him he needs to slow down. And on the other hand, you just might have to walk away yourself.

[MacDaddy]

First off, I want to address the use of weed. I see it everywhere on this site, people are saying how terrible weed, when in actuality, it is not the bad at all. There is no proof to support some of the ludicrous claims. Although, if he is using it everyday, then he clearly has a problem.

Whatever you do, don't try to get him to stop for you. Cause if you two don't end up together, then all that is out the window. You get what I mean? He needs to want to quit on his own, otherwise it won't stick at all. Talk to him about slowing down. Make a deal that when you hang out with him you want him to be sober. Start him small and work his habit smaller and smaller. Hope everything works out well.

[Novacaine]

Thanks for your replies. Well, I'm not sure if I wanna go out with him. But I don't want him to harm himself by smoking weed and taking other substances for example. It's wierd.. In a way I feel responsable for him.. I really don't know why. I feel like I have to so something against his addiction Although I know I can't really do anything.. or can I? This whole thing is just sooo confusing for me

[Maloo]

My best friend meddled in a LOT of drugs, and smoked a LOT of weed. He claims that he doesn't really smoke anymore, but I don't know if I believe him. So I understand how you feel about not wanting them to hurt themselves. But they're going to do whatever they want to do, unfortunately, and what you say isn't likely to make them stop. Not to mention, if they stop because of you, they're likely to be resentful towards you because of it.

Hang in there.

[mr_null]

Ultimately, it's his choice and his life. Daily marijuana smoking won't cause him much harm (if any - as a daily stoner I only experience a slight smoker's cough that disappears after a week of not blazing), and if used responsibly even occasional speed use won't hurt him much (emphasis on occasional!!!).

Personally, I'd be flattered that somebody cares about me and my health, but the moment they start trying to change who I am is when I would get pissed off.

Good luck!

[purplekc95]

Hang in there hun (:

[MacDaddy]

Originally Posted by Novacaine

Thanks for your replies. Well, I'm not sure if I wanna go out with him. But I don't want him to harm himself by smoking weed and taking other substances for example. It's wierd.. In a way I feel responsable for him.. I really don't know why. I feel like I have to so something against his addiction Although I know I can't really do anything.. or can I? This whole thing is just sooo confusing for me

Be a friend to him. Be there for him. That's what you can do for him.

[Novacaine]

yeah, I think I'm just gonna be a friend to him. But he's acting so wierd at the moment. The last few times he really wanted me to vistit him and his sister (a very close friend of mine) and today I stayed at hers but he didn't really take notice of me. Maybe I've already pissed him off because I cared too much. Well, I'm gonna see what will happen next.

And he's not taking them responsably. For example he smokes weed, drings lots of alcohol and takes speed at the same time

[Rhea123]

I AM IN ALMOST THE EXACT SAME POSITION! Let's talk about this and help each other (all my friend have no experience with pot and boys since I go to an all girls' school so they can't help me out too much) I've been hooking up with with this amazing guy, but the problem is that he smokes a lot and has a really bad reputation fo it. The smoking doesn't really bother me (especially because he would never ask me or pressure me into trying it too), but the problem is that I'm afraid to go out with him since everybody els me that dating a stoner is a bad idea! I really don't see any problems so far, but this is because it doesn't get in the way of our relationship too much. If his behavior frightens you and changes who he is. I would stay away from getting too attached. It's sort of like digging yourself into a hole if you get involved with him. I agree with the comment about not making him stop because of you. He really does need to quit based on his own judgment. He knows what he is doing is wrong, but can't stop. He needs help. You should talk to him about it. But if he doesn't listen, maybe you walking away can be the biggest eye-opener for him; like a symbol of what he's given up for his drug and alcohol usage. I had my guy go with me to my new years party where there wasn't going to be any weed instead of going out and geting totally blazed with his friends. Little things like that help a lot. Another thing I wanted to mention is how he talks about smoking weed a lot in conversation. When he brings it up, I either make fun of it, change the subject or leave. he gets the idea that he isn't impressing anyone and he's pissing me off. Best of luck. Really, it's a tough one..

[mIssIng:nO]

Originally Posted by Rhea123

I AM IN ALMOST THE EXACT SAME POSITION! Let's talk about this and help each other (all my friend have no experience with pot and boys since I go to an all girls' school so they can't help me out too much) I've been hooking up with with this amazing guy, but the problem is that he smokes a lot and has a really bad reputation fo it. The smoking doesn't really bother me (especially because he would never ask me or pressure me into trying it too), but the problem is that I'm afraid to go out with him since everybody els me that dating a stoner is a bad idea! I really don't see any problems so far, but this is because it doesn't get in the way of our relationship too much. If his behavior frightens you and changes who he is. I would stay away from getting too attached. It's sort of like digging yourself into a hole if you get involved with him. I agree with the comment about not making him stop because of you. He really does need to quit based on his own judgment. He knows what he is doing is wrong, but can't stop. He needs help. You should talk to him about it. But if he doesn't listen, maybe you walking away can be the biggest eye-opener for him; like a symbol of what he's given up for his drug and alcohol usage. I had my guy go with me to my new years party where there wasn't going to be any weed instead of going out and geting totally blazed with his friends. Little things like that help a lot. Another thing I wanted to mention is how he talks about smoking weed a lot in conversation. When he brings it up, I either make fun of it, change the subject or leave. he gets the idea that he isn't impressing anyone and he's pissing me off. Best of luck. Really, it's a tough one..

1) smoking weed is not wrong
2) He's never given anything up, she expects him to give it up because she wants HIM, thats her problem, if she can't accept that he enjoys toking up, then she doesn't deserve to be with him
3) You controlled what he wanted to do, even if he said he'd rather go with you, you have no way of knowing this, doing this, you cut his ability to visit his friends, because they share something that you don't, doesn't really seem fair to me.
4) Who says he's trying to impress anyone, I don't play soccer, but when someone tells me something about soccer i don't act like they are trying to impress me, infact i try to take what they're saying to heart, because i appreciate they're interests, and expect them to do the same



In other words, smoking weed doesn't make you a bad person [Edited by Aesthetic], its an interest that certain people enjoy, and certain people don't. My ex girlfriend really enjoyed mushrooms, I don't really, but I didn't expect her to stop doing it completely, I asked her to do it responsibly and not lie about her use, thats the best thing you can do, not expect them to change who they are for you.

[Rhea123]

I really don't think that smoking weed makes you a bad person. My boyfriend tells me that he wants to stop because he has a bad reputation for it and it's affecting his grades. I have tried weed too and i know how it makes you feel. I live in a part of town defined by its weed culture and just about everybody I know smokes it. The issue with 'Novacaine' here is that she's struggling with it. Weed doesn't bother me, but it bothers her (along with the speed). If you don't like a person because they're a pothead, don't give up hope. I've seen a lot of people successfully quit weed.

[mIssIng:nO]

Originally Posted by Rhea123

I really don't think that smoking weed makes you a bad person. My boyfriend tells me that he wants to stop because he has a bad reputation for it and it's affecting his grades. I have tried weed too and i know how it makes you feel. I live in a part of town defined by its weed culture and just about everybody I know smokes it. The issue with 'Novacaine' here is that she's struggling with it. Weed doesn't bother me, but it bothers her (along with the speed). If you don't like a person because they're a pothead, don't give up hope. I've seen a lot of people successfully quit weed.

my entire point is, why should he have to entirely quit weed (even though he enjoys it) because she has a problem with it?

Maybe she should learn to accept that she can't control everything he does and that he's allowed to enjoy things that she doesn't

and like i said, if she can't realize that, she doesn't deserve him, unless he stops smoking because he realizes that its the best option, good for him and I hope they are happy, but if he stops smoking because some chick expects that she's above his interests right from the get go, then thats pretty messed up [Edited]

[Thirteen]

Originally Posted by mIssIng:nO

my entire point is, why should he have to entirely quit weed (even though he enjoys it) because she has a problem with it?

This is true. Its one thing to socially partake in it, but if it takes over your life, I can see the issue.

Honestly, some people just, like to smoke pot. My boyfriend smokes pot, every day, but in a controllable amount, and it doesn't bother me. However, if he started acting differently when he didn't have it (i.e. looking for a fix, anger, or whatever else), or was going into debt, or even doing bad things to obtain it, then I'd be concerned.

I say if this fellow doesn't let it take over his life, you should just accept him. Keep in mind, every flaw/quirk/difference makes someone who they are, so if you don't like part of who he is, don't try to change it. You may ultimately change everything about him in the end.