i dont like who i have become any advice,aderall,weed,pain pills, k2

[dawg172]

Alright I never do anything like this but thus has been on my mind aloooot lately. I'm going to start at the very begining and tell ya the whole storey sorry if its too long and for the grammer mistakes I'm sure it will have lol, I'm a 17 year old male a senior in high school. I've always been kinda athletic and one of those kids in high school that everyone likes and is always tryen to make people laugh and I useally do. I'm known as one of the cool,tough,popular guys but that's just the image I give ppl I'm actually very insacure and has a problem with careing way to much about what everyone thinks of me. Ever since 6th grade I've always been in the click known has the badasses. In middle school I always said no to drugs and even tried to get my friends not to do them. Me and my bestfriend c have been best friends since 1st grade were more then best friends were brothers for real. In 9th grade I was still 100% against drugs me and c both were and everyone of our friends did them tho and last year when I was in 11th grade I tryed a drug called k2 if you don't know what it is plz listen to me that stuff is't meant to be smoked its a sinthtic man made type of thc (weed) that is more like a acid trip that has been giving ppl panic attacks and putting them into cardiac arrest. I switched between weed and k2 all threw my junior year I didn't just set at home and do it I always drove around with friends and did it yes I know very stupied now my senior year I've been sneaking pills from my mom and buying them off other ppl. First it was just an adderall every now and again from my mom she is prescribed adderall 20mg. Me and my mom have a great relationship she swears up and down she has adhd and I'm sure she has it but not real bad she got it prescribed to her to lose weight and so that she would have more energy. So I've been stealing them off her for about 3 to 4 months. I was prescribed stegra 80mg when I was in 6th or 7th grade for adhd but my dad told my mom he didn't want me on that stuff I was just being a kid and there wasn't anything wrong with me anyways, my friends all do some sort of drugs but were all deep down good kids and have common since to us,my friends tell me tho that I have a really addictive personailty and I think I do to. I think I'm starten to lose my mind or get into this shit way to much or I'm just addicted. I barley go a entire 2 days without being on some sort of drug but I live in a nice household like my dads a stright up good guy that lives on a farm and always makes sure I have the best of everything and my mom works at the courthouse as the victams addvoicate everyone in my family doesn't do drugs at all. I am so ashamed of myself for being a pot head and now getting into a drug that I said I would never do (pills). When I started taken adderall I liked it cause of the type of contolled high you get and cause u go so long with eating and it makes me lose weight and the deep talks you get into everything just you take it to heart and its deeper idk if you know what I mean and the cold jittery jolt you get throughout your body when ur on it. When I take adderall I really do think I'm a all around 100% better person? As hard as it is to believe it makes me wanna do stuff like start lifting weights again and it makes me do so much better in school and I'm nicer to everyone I say plz and thank you every sentence and I'm nicer to my mom and dad like if my mom asked id would go dig a ditch 100ft long and not complain at all. I'm currentitly up to taken 4 adderall 20mg snorting and it doesn't make me speed like crazy and I take them like that at least maybe 3 or 4 times a week and I found some hydro750 and been snorted them but my nose is starting to bleed like crazy so im tryen to stop, since I got into this stuff I went from 6ft tall and 205lbs to 168lbs but u can't tell I lost that much weight I go with out eating a lot I can lose 10 lbs a week if I want easily.I'm going to go to college for a bachalors degree in crimenal justice to become a us Marshall then on to a dea agent that's the dream I've had since I was little and I'm going for it but I'm scared the person I've become is going to stop me from that goal. But all my friends do drugs and almost everyone at my school does so its hard to get away from and even if I listen to a rap song that I like it will make me want to get high in someway soooooo bad it just feels like its impossible to quit cause I love getting high so much but I know I need to bad and I feel depressed and ashamed all the time of what my mom and dad and grandma would think since I've become one of the junkiest pretty much like the ppl I said I would never be like and that were trash............what do you guys think am I??? I'm sorry for going so far in detail and sorry if I souneded stupied but I would appreciate all ur guys advice like how bad this shit is for you or what to do or if you think I'm out of control or how you quit if u had a similar problem like mine , I never open up like this or anything or break down and spill my guts so its a pretty big step for me....... Thanks

[Cabron]

Hey! First off, I want to commend you for taking the step to make this thread in the first place. I know it can sometimes be harder for guys to open up than girls, because they're supposed to be 'tough' or whatever. But just the fact that you're telling your story shows that you want to stop and that you have the power to stop.

Drugs--any type of drug--are a terrible thing. At first they seem really great, like 'Wow I can do all this stuff that I couldn't before, I'm never gonna quit but I could if I wanted to!' and then you wake up one day and you're out of control and losing focus of your dreams in pursuit of your chosen drug(s). You still have sight of what you want to do with yourself, which is awesome. Hold onto that and don't ever let it go.

Have you talked to a drug/alcohol counselor about this? Most high schools have them and they can be a tremendous help. They can provide you with the tools to help you fight temptation (whether it be in the form of your friends or anything else) and to stay clean and sober, while achieving goals that will bring you closer to your dreams. I'd strongly suggest trying to find one as a first step towards getting off drugs.

You are not a 'junky' person. You are a strong, intelligent and driven human being who is dealing with a temporary setback on their way to doing what they want to do. In my opinion, a real junky is someone who wants to sit around and get high and who has no dreams or anything for their future. That's not you, and try not to let yourself believe that it is. That type of thinking will only set you back. Every time you see one of your friends using drugs, visualize yourself in your dream job or doing something you really want to do. When you say no to a hit or a line, you're saying yes to everything amazing in your life. You're saying yes to having your family believe in you, to having your friends and peers look up to you. Yes to becoming a DEA agent, maybe even having a family of your own one day. This is all completely possible; not even just possible, but downright likely.

I have never had an addiction to drugs or alcohol myself, but I have been struggling with self-harm and I've heard that the feelings are much the same. I distract myself and try not to 'trigger' myself. Figure out what triggers you and do your best to stay away from those things. For instance, you mentioned listening to some types of music makes you want to get high. If you go into the Music forum here on TH, we have a whole thread with lots of music suggestions. As many of our users struggle with different kinds of addiction, most of the songs aren't very triggering in that respect. You also mentioned your friends and how seeing them getting high makes you want to as well. This may be a big step, but maybe you need to get some new friends who have interests outside of getting high. That will be hugely beneficial to you, because if you surround yourself with those who are drug free and are being happy with that, you'll want to imitate them.

I hope this helps. I'm here if you need a chat, okay? You seem like a really good person who's just going through a hard time. <3