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My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 12th 2012, 07:07 PM

I wasn't sure whether to put this in the family thread or here, so I put it here. Sorry if that's wrong.

In the past my mum has had quite a bad problem with alcohol, but now I've discovered it she has started to drink regularly again, and has been for quite some time. She doesn't do spirits, it's wine and beer and other things. But she drinks constantly and I recently discovered she hides it in her water bottle which she keeps next to her bed everyday and drinks from often, so that has pretty much told me it is quite bad.

She currently seems to be denying that it's serious. What can I do to help? The entire family has tried to talk to her but she says she feels we're attacking her. We've told her that isn't the case, and the reality is that we're concerned for her, but she won't see it that way.

She has said she will stop/cut back but I won't know that until over the coming weeks.

If you've been through a similar experience or anything, I would love to hear it. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm terrified.
   
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Re: My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 12th 2012, 07:19 PM

I have not been through this and I'm sorry that it's something that you have to deal with. You can continue to talk to her or consider a professional intervention as a last resort if your family believes it's necessary. Either way, I would suggest alanon, it's a support group similar to AA, for loved one's of alcoholics and they have a program in England

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Re: My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 12th 2012, 08:17 PM

Thank you for the link. I'll definitely check it out.

I want to try and continue talking to her. I'm just so confused. How do I talk to her when I know she won't listen? How do I know if she is even sober when she's talking to me? Apparently she has been drunk all this time and I didn't always realise. I can't trust her at all. She is lying about things all the time and lying about how much she consumes.
She is the most wonderful and lovely person and one of my best friends, as well as my mum. I honestly don't know how to act or what to do.

Thank you again, Katie. I really appreciate that you replied. (:
   
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Re: My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 12th 2012, 08:32 PM

When I was younger about 6 my Dad had a drinking problem, and it was serious as when I was around 9, he died because of it... although that was because he was drinking heavily non stop for 3 years, so don't let this scare you more... maybe find a way to scare your Mum though? A story, find a video about alcohol abuse, or just try to find out the reason she drinks, as it may be easily resolved, or something to work towards? A lot of people drink because it hides a inner problem or numbs an inner pain, just try to look past the drink for now and find out what's going on in her head or life that she's not sharing..

Hope it all works out okay for you, and your family, and my thoughts are with your Mum and I hope she can recover and have lots more years with you
   
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Re: My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 12th 2012, 08:48 PM

I'm so sorry about your Dad, Monica. That's really sad. I can't begin to imagine what that's like for you. :c

I think I know why she drinks.. she had cancer a few years back. It was serious and she almost died at one point. That's an ordeal for anyone. But then she has loads of after effects and problems which haven't gone away and are giving her daily trouble and pain and she is quite miserable I think. And then she feels guilty about it and stuff and feels like she's a bad mum. And she is also stressed out because of the rest of the family's problems and stuff. And because of any arguments.
There are a lot of deeper issues to all of this, but I have no idea how to go about sorting them. I think because of today (it's like we had a mini family attempt at some sort of intervention & realised how bad the problem is) my family will try and be a lot nicer and stuff. But that doesn't solve the problems of her cancer, or the ongoing issues now.
But she won't listen to us.

And she keeps denying the problem. If I try and scare her and make her realise, I fear she will just deny it all. That's what she did today. But it is worth a go some how.

Thank you for your reply Monica. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry about your Dad.
   
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Re: My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 12th 2012, 08:56 PM

That's okay, was a long time ago

Just try reassuring her that you all love her and support her best you can, getting professional help might be a good idea but depends on the type of person she is as it might not be that successful.

You can only do a certain amount, but it seems you and your family really care for her so hopefully it'll all work out for the best!
   
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Re: My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 13th 2012, 09:17 AM

My dad drinks too, He does not exactly hide it, we all know he drinks, like your mum my dad says 'yeah I will stop' . But never does, he does not exactly deny it either, he goes AWOL from time to time. The thing is no matter how much we want them to stop they have to want to stop drinking themselves. I've tried everything to get my dad to stop drinking (I tried pouring it away, telling him he had already drank and can't remember ect ) none of it worked - for anyone to stop drinking they have to want to stop drinking themselves.



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Re: My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 15th 2012, 01:20 AM

MY MOM WAS A REALLY HEAVY DRINKER AND DRUG USER....BUT I WAS TAKE AWAY FROM HER WHEN I WAS ABOUT 9 SO I'M NOT SURE HOW TO HELP YOU. SORRY


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Re: My mum has a drinking problem. :( - February 15th 2012, 01:27 AM

Hi Alex,

Your in a tough spot and I want you to understand that she has to want to help herself, there's really only so much one can do. While you try to help your loved ones things don't always workout picture perfect as much as we'd like them too. For your own sake take this situation and learn from it. Your mom has an addiction and they aren't easy to break. In times of stress people will uses substances to temporarily support them. Try doing anything to take the pressure off her until she's able to break the habit.

When she's sober I'd almost make a constant effort to indirectly keep her away from drinking. Why not go for a walk or see a movie, anything that might help take the stress of life away from her. Alex just know that she does appreciate your help, regardless if you know it or not. In closing I just want to say that directly calling her out on the issue might make her more stressed. My way of thinking is people do things for a reason, so looking for the deeper issue and fixing it will in return help with her alcohol dependency.
   
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