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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Skyy Offline
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Angry Help please - July 19th 2012, 03:30 AM

hi everybody im new at this but i really need some help i dont know what to do anymore. My mom isnt the loving caring mother she acts to be. I mean she treats me different than my two little brothers who are 7 and 14 and my older sister who is 19 and pregnant. My sister hits me and starts fights knowing that i wont fight back, and lies to my mother telling her i start the fights and that i hit her. Well my mother comes home yelling at me saying that im rude to everyone, and i never do anything. I do all the chores because the other kids wont do anything. Then she starts in about my boyfriend who is 17. She and my sister and my brother who 14 makes fun of him. He has a crooked smile they call him names like limpy, lopsided and more. i love his crooked smile and take up for him. Their like shes in love. my sister is always saying im pregnant and gets mad when i bring up her sorry excuse of a boyfriend. Anyways what can i do to make my mom listen to me and for them all to stop calling my boyfriend names and make them likee him? I will NOT break up with him to make them happy.
   
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Re: Help please - July 19th 2012, 10:52 AM




From what I've read, you've got a hard situation that you're in. First of all, it sounds like you don't have a very good relationship with your sister. Perhaps the reason she does those things is because the issue of her boyfriend is brought up (that is the one who got her pregnant right?) I would think it would be a really hard blow for her, I mean when you're pregnant at that age, most people don't think highly of you.

If all they do is call him names, then that is not fair to you. Based on what justifications do they call him lopsided, etc? If you ask the reasons why, then perhaps you can clear up these misunderstandings. If you want her to listen, in my opinion, I would just talk to her. But if it's too hard to do that (which I myself, can't do to my own mum), I write a letter to her. However whether talking or writing, try not to have an accusative tone. It's best to say things like "I feel" or "I would like to know...". Be polite and don't swear, it may get the message across, but it will only anger her further. If you're talking, have a cool and composed figure. Give her a chance to explain the things she does and reasons why. I can't guarantee it will work, but good luck.

Also do take into account, that they may react the way they do because of something you may not have realised you said or did. It may have come off as offensive or slightly insulting to them. And another thing, sometimes in spur of the moment situations, or when we remember things, our brain may recall things slightly differently. It can exaggerate things. Personally, I try to understand where the other person is coming from, and how I acted.

Good luck and I hoped this helped! If my tone came across as harsh, I'm sorry about that! It wasn't intentional.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Help please - July 19th 2012, 12:15 PM

I have tried writing my mother a note she looks at the and throws them away like there nothing. With my sister we use to be close, but that changed when her boyfriends brother forced his hand down my pants and panties with me screaming no. I live everyday knowing that my mother did nothing to stop it she wouldn't even go to the cops. My sister is always throwing it up in my face bout what he done to me.
   
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Re: Help please - July 20th 2012, 07:00 AM

Well I'm sorry to hear that- the fact, that you've lost a close relationship with your sister and for having to experience something 'as scary as hell' as that. I hope you're feeling better now- but well, that wasn't really much comfort! I'm sorry.

Does it happen everyday? Your mum's attitude towards you? If she is constantly throwing away the notes that you've given her, perhaps you should try talking to her instead. If she says that you're being rude again, ask her why and in what way. But do remember that the way you say things, how, what and when are very important.

Do you hate your mum for not calling the cops or stopping it? Perhaps you don't realise it, but your body might react harshly to her??

I know it's very hard to have your own mother react so harshly and so unlike what a mother is supposed to be. But I always remember that even though mine is family by name, I choose the one who I trust most and who look out for me as my family.

I am so sorry Chandra that I couldn't be of more help. Do realise that you're not alone. I for one, find kidshelpline extremely helpful. Professional help is always the best. It also must have been very hard to write what you've written, and I admire you for that. I wish you the best of luck. Know that there are people out there and here who are supporting. I don't know you, but I'll definitely support you! I truly am sorry I couldn't be of more help.


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time


Last edited by Stuck.in.time; July 20th 2012 at 07:20 AM. Reason: forgot to say something
   
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Re: Help please - July 20th 2012, 11:34 PM

I don't hate my mother I love her and yes it happens everyday. I tried talking to her she never listens its like I'm not even there. I'm done with the way she's been treating me its been going on for the past year now. I've been looking into emanication or however it's spelled
   
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Re: Help please - July 21st 2012, 06:07 AM

It's good you still love her. It's always too easy to hate a person.

Has this been happening for as long as you can remember? I mean, maybe there was a certain event that damaged the relationship between you and her? Are they any moments at all, when she's civil to you? Or at least easier than normal, to talk to? Perhaps if you're still close with one of your brothers, you could ask them why she's angry at you.

It doesn't sound like an easy life you have at home. I hope you have a really strong support circle- like any friends or other family relatives. You mean emancipation right? About the release of a child from a parent or guardian. From what I've read, you need to be able to live on your own and be able to support yourself. Otherwise, your custody will be in the transfer of relative if your reason is due to family issues. Keep that in mind if it's what you plan to do.

Good luck with whatever you plan to do Chandra. Keep in mind, that there are good people out there who'll help you through anything. Stay strong!


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Help please - July 21st 2012, 06:14 AM

It's been going on for a long time I don't known when it started anymore. Yes that's what I've been thinking about and my boyfriend said that I can stay with him and finish school which I'm getting a job this year so I can get away from them. I'm not close to my brothers at all.
   
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Re: Help please - July 21st 2012, 11:23 PM

You're lucky to have such a caring boyfriend! I hope his family is okay with it though?? And it seems like you've been trying your hardest all this time to change the situation at home, but they're not letting it happen. It's good to have a plan though, it means you'll be focused beyond what's happening and means you're in control of your life. I wish you all the best Chandra and good luck! I'm sorry that you couldn't fix the situation at home, and I'm sorry that I couldn't be of more help.


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
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Re: Help please - July 21st 2012, 11:40 PM

His mom is okay with it she loves me like all of her family does. It's ok don't worry bout it I've tried and I guess give up
   
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Re: Help please - July 22nd 2012, 09:13 AM

Then that's good! I'm glad you've found and know that there is a group of people who do love you. I think this option would be good for you- I mean you've got to look out for your own safety. And perhaps, they may realise what they've actually done to you. Perhaps not now, but later in life when you become your own independent self.

I may not be of much help, but I'll always listen if you have a problem Chandra!! SMILE!!


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
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Re: Help please - July 22nd 2012, 09:51 PM

The thing is very little people gets emanicapied so idk if the judge will grant me it or not and if he don't will my mother hate me more...
   
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Re: Help please - July 22nd 2012, 10:01 PM

Hey there, I think the best thing to do would be just to talk to your mom when she's in a good mood. Have you ever talked to any of your friends, or perhaps a counselor about any of these things? I would say that you should talk to someone, like a counselor about this, and you, your mom, and the counselor could have a discussion.
Well that's all I have to say.. Hope my advice helps!
   
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Re: Help please - July 22nd 2012, 11:33 PM

I talked to my friends they know how she is they don't like it... I've tried talking to my mother about the way she's been treatin me she turns it around ad makes it seem like I a the bad person.. I hate couselors they don't help they make it worse
   
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Re: Help please - July 23rd 2012, 03:06 AM

Well counselors dont always make things bad.. They try to give you suggestions to help you out. Is there anything you did in the past that made your mother treat you like this?
   
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Re: Help please - July 23rd 2012, 03:10 AM

No I've always did what she asked and when she asked for it done id what I did so wrong to make her treat me like this. And I was in cousling for 10 months
   
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Re: Help please - July 23rd 2012, 04:02 PM

okay, well you can try spending more time with your mom, like hang out and do something together.. spending time usually helps out and your mom will love you for spending time with her.
   
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Re: Help please - July 23rd 2012, 04:34 PM

All my mother cares about is my sister and the two boys I've tried hanging out with her se always seems to grap at me more saying she wishs I would be more like my sister and how I shouldn't lay my hands on her.. I havnt hit my sister she hits me so does my two little brothers but it's always my fault
   
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Re: Help please - July 23rd 2012, 04:51 PM

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Originally Posted by Skyy View Post
I have tried writing my mother a note she looks at the and throws them away like there nothing. With my sister we use to be close, but that changed when her boyfriends brother forced his hand down my pants and panties with me screaming no. I live everyday knowing that my mother did nothing to stop it she wouldn't even go to the cops. My sister is always throwing it up in my face bout what he done to me.
so you've been abused? Well i suggest talking to your grandparents, uncle, aunts, because nobody should subject themself to this kind of a life. Move in with a friend maybe, any other relative, see what you can do to get away from this rather than fix this. We cant fix what people's oppinions, so try to get away from them. I know theyre your family and you most likley love them, but theres a line that has been crossed and you need some help.
   
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Re: Help please - July 23rd 2012, 06:05 PM

They don't do nothing I've tried they tell my mother on me that line wazzzz crossed 2 yrs ago
   
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Re: Help please - July 24th 2012, 11:54 AM

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The thing is very little people gets emanicapied so idk if the judge will grant me it or not and if he don't will my mother hate me more...
I think the determining factor for whether a person gets emancipated is the capability to prove that they can actually support themselves independently. So I don't think the rate of how many people get emancipated should matter so much. They have to think about your situation and base it on each, and every different individual.

If the situation is too much to handle- and you really do have to think about your safety- then, ultimately, leaving is the best option. If you're worried your mother might hate you more, it's a risk you'll have to take. And perhaps once she realises that you've gone, she may come to understand that it's because of her and her actions. But it's only a possibility and I'm not saying emancipation is definitely the way to go. It's up to you.

Like everyone else says, look for professional help. They specialise in these sorts of things and will definitely have ideas on ways you can patch up things at home. By the way, they don't have to necessarily be counsellors.


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
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Re: Help please - July 24th 2012, 04:49 PM

I know it's my choice and I think I want to have that done but I gotta wait til I'm 16 which is in two months...
   
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Re: Help please - July 25th 2012, 06:39 AM

Then I wish you all the best of luck Chandra and stay strong through out all of this. You've got a goal to keep you going now, and I hope that can ease your pain. Good luck!


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
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Re: Help please - July 26th 2012, 03:15 PM

Thank you ani
   
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Re: Help please - July 27th 2012, 10:29 AM

Your welcome! And remember... SMILE!


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
  (#25 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Help please - July 27th 2012, 04:38 PM

I would smile but I kinda got a concussion Sunday -_- it hurts
   
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Re: Help please - July 29th 2012, 11:53 PM

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I know it's my choice and I think I want to have that done but I gotta wait til I'm 16 which is in two months...
Most importantly, you need to be able to prove that you can financially support yourself, on your own. That's a huge part of getting emancipated. You're asking to be legally responsible for yourself without the help of others, so you need to be able to prove that you have enough money to live on your own, pay for food, provide transportation to and from your job, etc.
   
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Re: Help please - July 30th 2012, 12:22 AM

I'm getting an Job this year and saving up my money to get a place and to be able to do so plus I'm going to school
   
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Re: Help please - August 9th 2012, 12:13 AM

Getting a job is a good start, but you need to make enough money at your job to prove that you can support yourself.
   
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