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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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bitesize Offline
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I will never have a friendly relationship with my parents and it makes me sad. - July 19th 2012, 05:44 PM

I just won't. I thought it was just a teenage thing but now that I'm in my twenties and my friends are all friends with their parents and I can still barely speak to mine, I've realised that it will always be this way.
It's not that they were bad parents ~ they never abused me or mistreated me or neglected me, we just have completely different views on life and sometimes it feels as though they gave birth to me just to disapprove of me. I'm 21 and yet I'm still constantly getting little accusing digs and implications that I'm a drug dealer/alcoholic/pregnant/a slut/an academic failure etc.
They were irrationally strict when I was younger and a teenager ~ e.g curfews of 10pm when I was 17, etc, and I think that kind of destroyed our relationship, but it feels almost silly that it's still going on now. I feel sad when I think about all the things in life that my friends and peers can all share with their parents ~ getting married and having babies and life's little joys and problems....I just can't talk to my parents about any of those kind of things and it makes me feel so alone sometimes. Living in the same house as them really gets me down a lot but I feel like when I move out I may end up losing a lot of contact with them simply because I can't bear to be around them. It makes me sad that they're never going to be a happy aspect of my life.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing?? feeling kind of alone.


Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
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I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
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Re: I will never have a friendly relationship with my parents and it makes me sad. - July 19th 2012, 07:52 PM

Hey there, I kinda understand what you are going through. To me, you seem scared of your parents, and my parents impose very strict rules on me too, and its because of your own good. I mean, it doesn't sound like to me that your parents hated you. I'd say that you should call your parents sometime and hang out with them or something, that's the best way to heal a relationship. Well that's all I have to say...Good luck and I hope my advice helps you out!
   
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Re: I will never have a friendly relationship with my parents and it makes me sad. - July 21st 2012, 08:53 PM

My situation isn't identical to yours, but I've gone through difficult periods with both of my parents (and am still struggling from time to time with one parent). The best thing I ever did for my relationships with them was to move out. I'm not going to lie - for a while, our relationships were worse, because we were renegotiating the nature of our relationships. They didn't like losing control over me, and I didn't like their incessant calling to see what I was doing with my life. Eventually, though, they learned to back off, and that allowed me to relax and respect them more, which ultimately led to them feeling more appreciated in return. It was a learning process (took about 2-3 years for my mom, and I'm still working on things with my dad), but it was worth it. It made a huge different mental health wise for me, and that enabled me to work on improving my relationships with both parents - after I had some time to heal and establish firmer boundaries with them. I know you're scared that moving out may sever the ties you have with them altogether, but staying with them isn't going to make things better. You can take a gamble and potentially develop a much stronger relationship with one or both parents after moving out, or you can stay in their house and continue to experience their oppression.






   
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