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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Leviathan Offline
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Overly Sensitive Mother and Sister - July 20th 2012, 05:09 PM

I can't take living in this house anymore. I can't breathe, I can't say anything that doesn't offend my sensitive Mom and sister. They seem to think that people should act the same around their family and close friends as random strangers. And by that I mean, the word 'dumb' is considered as bad as 'f*ck', every single thing must be flodded with "would you ... please?", anything short of that, you're rude and crushing peoples feelings.

Its gotten to the point where I try to communicate with them as little as possible because the SECOND I trip up and say "be quiet" (or god forbid, the infamous "shut up"), my sister tries to pushes out tears (not cry, but she has to make it look like she actually gives a crap) and my Mom starts the onslaught (actual incident):

*charging iPod in the wall*
*sister steps on it, pulling it out of the socket*
Me: tsk, Don't step on that, watch where youre walking next time
Sister: GAWSH, U DONT HAVE 2 B SO MEAAAN
*sister looks around for mom, finds her and calls her over*
*sister starts explaining what horrible thing I did, in tears*
Mom: what did you just do to my daughter?
Me: I didnt do anything, I just told her to watch where she's going
Mom: Why haven't you learned yet that you can't act like a animal/subhuman (the actual word is hard to translate into English) in this family?
Me: Stop being so sensitive, people don't have to act like they're talking with God himself with their close friends and family, I didn't even use a light curse like "idiot"
Mom: It doesn't matter, you are destroying her confidence and bringing her down. You think this doesn't have a horrible affect on her? I don't care what a million other families do, IN THIS HOUSE, YOU DO NOT TALK TO PEOPLE LIKE THAT, YOU ANTISOCIAL PSYCHOPATH.

I don't even know what to say to her at this point so I just left the room furious

I'm not 100% sure, but I think this is the reason my Mom comes home every day to dinner and talks crap about her coworkers for looking at her the wrong way, or not asking to take her shift. Also the reason why my sister is the biggest damn stereotypical doormat I've ever seen in my life. Always talks in a whisper, stutters, puts on a fake smile all the time, half her words are "oh", "please", and "sorry". And when she's confronted with a "bully" at school saying "get out of the way" and pushing her (just little elementary school kids in the playground...) she comes home in tears and my Mom acts like it's the next holocaust, while my dad and I are just sitting there going "That's it?"

What is the problem here? What do I do?
   
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Re: Overly Sensitive Mother and Sister - July 21st 2012, 03:52 PM

Uh...wow...I'm sorry about that. And I thought my mom over-reacted!
Have you and your dad talked about this? He may be able to say something to your mother...be careful though, from the image you gave me about this lady, she may pull out the divorce papers on your dad!
I don't know what else to say...only that this makes me mad also because it reminds me of incidents where my little sister is crying over nothing and, of course, my mom says something like, what did you do to your baby sister?! Ugh, that gets on my nerves...
For now, I guess just lay low and try to survive...or make peace for whatever reason your mother is doing that to you.
I'll pray for you!
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"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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Re: Overly Sensitive Mother and Sister - July 21st 2012, 06:06 PM

best thing you can do is not engage. let it pass. learn to let it not get to you. women are sensitive, just a fact of life.
   
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Re: Overly Sensitive Mother and Sister - July 22nd 2012, 03:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quacker View Post
best thing you can do is not engage. let it pass. learn to let it not get to you. women are sensitive, just a fact of life.
Well, some women, anyway. The same can be said for some men, too.

Anyway, I agree with talking to your dad about this. He may not be willing to discuss this with your mom (for fear of what could happen to his marriage), but it would feel nice to know you have an ally, someone else who lives in your household and thinks you're fine. =)

Unfortunately, even though your mom and sister are overly sensitive, the best thing you can do is to alter your behavior, within reason. The example you gave us shows that, while you were fine at first, you ended up escalating things by talking back/becoming argumentative. Even if you felt your sister was overreacting, you could have simply said, "I'm sorry for speaking to you harshly, I was just upset when you stepped on my iPod. Please be a little more careful next time, I don't want it to break." That would have allowed you to convey your feelings, while modifying things slightly in order to avoid offending your mom and sister any further. My mom would get worked up very easily, and when that happened, the best thing I could do was apologize, essentially taking away any excuse for her to continue escalating. I'd suggest giving that a shot with your mom and sister over the next week, and see how things are after that. =)






   
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Re: Overly Sensitive Mother and Sister - July 25th 2012, 02:31 AM

well, she really outdid herself today

We were finishing up eating dinner and carrying our plates and stuff to the sink when my sister was continuing on talking on and on with no end about some new movie. I looked over and saw that my aunt was carrying plates and my mom was washing dishes, so I said in a calm voice "sorry roxy, but I dont think anyones listening right now".

big mistake

Mom: NO, NO, I AM LISTENING. IGNORE YOUR CRAZY BROTHER. I guess [brother] can say aallll he wants, but when someone else talks, they have to SHUT UP HUH???
Me: What?!?!I just told her youre not listening!
Mom: Shut up, roxy you go ahead and continue
Sister: *walks away angrily*
Mom: good job, good job, you did it again SOCIOPATH. You know you're just going to be just like James Holmes (at this point I'm half laughing, half enraged).
Me, sarcastically to my shocked aunt who was watching this happen: yep, she's right, everyone knows the next logical step after saying "nobodys listening" is -- *INTERRUPTED*
Mom: And I'm not going to visit you in jail!
Me: *trying to repeat what I said, ignoring mom* *INTERRUPTED AGAIN*
Mom: AND I'M NOT GOING TO VISIT YOU IN JAIL! I'M NOT GOING TO VISIT YOU!!! *on and on, screaming at this point*

I should have expected the James Holmes comparison, she's always calling me a psychopath and other variations, but if there's a shooting or something she remembers, she pulls that in. a few months ago she compared me to Pekka Auvinen

and earlier today, my mom was on the phone with our relatives in another country, talking about pictures they got of our last vacation

Relative: wow, roxy is growing up really fast and [Leviathan] is becoming really handsome
Mom, smiling and being completely serious: hehe, yeah, but he's a little bit of a maniac (another hard to translate word)

are you kidding me? the one compliment I get in this house and it's followed up by my mother calling me a maniac OUT OF THE BLUE FOR NO REASON? I wasn't even f*cking doing anything and she manages to pick on me!

And about talking to my dad: first of all, he's usually at work (busy hours as a doctor). second, my mom doesn't dare pull this crazy sh*t in front of him, she never does because he'll speak up. thirdly, she already has a crooked relationship with him. Whenever we're out to dinner or something with her work friends, she always talks to them about how she hates him and everything he does and how this summer she's going to hawaii for 2 months to get away from all of us (and she really believes this) and her delusional idiot friends support her (of course, followed by talking sh*t about their husbands). I fear that when I tell my dad and he talks to my mom, she's going to file a divorce (she's always talked about this to my sister before, but this will be the straw that breaks the camels back). She literally thinks that my dad and I are a tag team set out to ruin her and her daughter's lives. half the time, she'll say the infamous "you're just like your father". for example, this happened just yesterday:

My mom needs to get something out of the garage and my dad is sleeping, so she pulls his (new) car out of the garage and on to the driveway. I hear a screeching sound from the car, and then it doesn't move. I go in the car and say "what happened?", and my mom says she doesn't know. We put it into drive, reverse, it wouldn't budge. so I turned it off and on again and it worked.

A few hours later, my dad was dropping me off at the gym and I decided to tell him what happened today because honestly, I didn't expect a brand new Japanese car to malfunction like that. He said he'd contact the dealer and they'd look into it.

Before dinner, my mom called me downstairs and she confronted me about telling my dad this.

Mom: so you tattle taled? why did you do that?
Dad: what? he didn't tattle tale, he just --
Mom: I'm talking to him!
Me: ...I...just told him because I wanted the new car to be in good shape...it wasn't personal
Mom: I've COMPLETELY lost respect for you now.
__________________________________________________ _______________________________________________

man, that was depressing to read over again. the good news is the car is fine, the bad news is my mother hates me and my dad. the only way I can alter my behavior any further at this point is to just become mute
   
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Re: Overly Sensitive Mother and Sister - July 25th 2012, 03:03 AM

I'm just wondering what you're background is? Cause it sounds to me as if you guys do not speak English at home cause you've brought up translations and family in other countries... Not that it necessarily has anything to do with the situation over anyone else's family, but if you guys have a different culture than the stereotypical "white American/Canadian" household that might make a tad bit of a difference.

None the less, it sounds like your mom is bordering on being emotionally and psychologically abusive to you. And I'm not even sure what the root cause to this is, but it ISN'T a "oh woman are just nuts thing" like another poster brought up. No, it is simply that it is NOT ok to constantly act like you own kid is psychotic or a sociopath or what ever just cause the parent has some weird slightly twisted view on how people should supposedly act if you know what I mean. You sound like you've made an effort to do be nice and keep your mom happy but the slightest thing sets her off. It's not good for you. Now I'd understand if maybe you were swearing up and down the block and hanging out with bad friends and so on and your mom saw cause to crack down a bit, but flipping out just cause you talked to your dad, stuff like that makes no sense. It sounds like SHE wants a divorce. Why doesn't she do it? And I mean, it sounds brutal, but at this point would it really be so bad if they DID get a divorce? It would probably be healthier for the whole family if you moved out with your dad or she moved out with your sister or something. Not to mention it doesn't even sound like your sister is really the problem. She's around 13 I'd guess? Well, girls that age are going through puberty, I swear 11-13 year olds girls are notoriously overly emotional, SHE doesn't sound like the problem cause she could grow out of the emotionalness. It's the psychological abuse I am worried about and you shouldn't put up with abuse just because you are worried about adult affairs, you're mom probably doesn't even want to be with your dad and if you talk to your dad and they get a divorce it WON'T be your fault cause you're describing a situation where it sounds like it would happen anyhow.




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