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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Dark-and-Twisty Offline
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He's Like a Bad Drug... - July 21st 2012, 09:22 PM

I've posted in the past about my best friend whom I fell in love with who has a girlfriend. This said individual knows how I feel about him, also.

Nonetheless, we're not talking again... this has happened before, but this time is so much different. It got to the point he blocked me off Facebook, which is something he's never done before. I understand why he did it, and I understand why he's upset, nonetheless I can't accept it.

He's changed so much over the last few months. I've known for awhile now that I need to let him go, that I need to stop hanging out with, and that he's only holding me back--and not only because of my undying love for him.

Lately he's become so lazy that he only wants to lay around and play video games and watch TV. Ever since he's moved off campus, I've noticed this. We used to workout and walk all the time, but the lake and the workout center are on campus...not his apartment...and he prefers to hang out at his apartment than on campus.

When I'm with him, I fall behind in my studies, and when I do homework around him in the past he's complained about me only working on homework and not talking to him.

So, yes, I've known for months that he's bad for me, and I know that him not talking to me is probably the best thing for me. Now I won't go out to eat, I'll eat healthy, I'll workout, and you'd think I'd be able to focus on homework. However that's not the case.

Since he blocked me on Facebook, I deleted my account completely. I've deleted all social networking sites. Oh, and get this? He still has my entire family. I know his Facebook password, if he hasn't changed it, but I'm not going to login... for the obvious reasons.

I mean, if I know someone is so bad for me, why can't I let him go??? I can't stop crying and thinking about all the good times we had together. I'd been struggling with depression for a few weeks before this happened. I don't want to go into great detail about what happened, but basically I said something and he took it out of proportion. I was joking, but apparently he thought I was serious. You'd think by now he'd know my sense of humor!

Now I don't want to talk to anyone. Socializing is more painful than ever. And to top it off, all my surroundings remind me of him. He's been apart of almost my entire college career, aside from 2 weeks in April... when he quit talking to me. I mean, yeah, we've had other little fights too, where he wouldn't talk to me for a couple days, but nothing quite like this.

I know I should move on and look for others to talk to, but I don't want to. Partially I'm afraid of becoming too attached to someone again, and then they'll just leave me. That's what has happened every time I've become attached to someone.

Part of me knows he'll come back, he always has. But I don't know if I even want him to come back. We have class together, like I mentioned, and I am doing worst in that class at this point. I failed my last test because I'd been crying my eyes out the 2 hours before the test. I get to retake it on Monday (the teacher decided to let everyone retake it for some reason...). He won't even sit next to me now. He moved the row behind and is talking to this other girl, and I'm pretty sure he's doing it just to make me jealous. I've decided that during class on Monday I'm going to move to the front row, so I can be as far away from him as possible. But still it's gonna hurt. My heart melts whenever I see him, and I immediately burst into tears.

Why can't I let him go? The last time he did this, it took about a week and a half for me to leave my room, but he hadn't blocked me on Facebook and I hadn't deleted my account. The only reason I left my room was because someone messaged me and asked me to hang out. But now I don't have Facebook, and I've scheduled for it to be permanently deleted in 14 days. I'm not willing to re-enable it, either. It just brings back too many memories. Considering we have so many mutual friends...

"You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are."

~ Derek, Grey's Anatomy
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Re: He's Like a Bad Drug... - July 22nd 2012, 01:25 AM

Have you talked to him about your grades and your exercising dilemmas? Maybe you could get him to take jog with you or study together...I just don't know. Try to make him see what he's doing to you. If he cares maybe he'll try to improve his habits.

I have a really good guy friend. Crushed on him for months...but decided friendship was better than all the frantic, "Does he like me? Is he jealous? Who's that girl he's talking to?" Seriously. For me it was better to be friends. And I love him SOOOOO much! I could play with his fuzzy buzzed hair all day. Ha!

Maybe you should consider friendship...for now...Good luck! He can't stay mad forever!
God bless.
- Collies R Us aka Ally

"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
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Re: He's Like a Bad Drug... - July 22nd 2012, 03:12 AM

I know we can never be anything more than friends. I've known that since the beginning. As much as I love him, I know there's no chance of us ever being more than friends.

I can't call him now. Ha, he wouldn't answer. Besides, I deleted his number from my phone (though, I have it memorized...that's beside the point). He's blocked me on Facebook and made it very clear that he has no interest in speaking to me for awhile. He knows what he's doing to me, but he thinks I need to "move on." He of all people should know it's not that easy...

He won't stay mad forever, I realize that, it's just coping with this "in between" time, and also coping with the fact that once he's over this, who's to say this won't happen again? :/ Last time I promised myself I would change for the better, so this wouldn't happen again. Now I'm just crumbling apart, and it's 100000x worse than last time.

I personally HATE when people I find to be close friends are mad at me! I also hate being mad at close friends and family. Why? Because you never know what tomorrow will bring! Who knows when one's life might be cut short, and you might never get a second chance. That's why I don't hold grudges on those who I hold near and dear to my heart. :/

"You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are."

~ Derek, Grey's Anatomy
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Re: He's Like a Bad Drug... - July 22nd 2012, 09:58 PM

This guy is a waste of your time and energy. Yes, you have strong feelings for him... but he's still a waste of your time and energy. Everything you're doing is only serving to hurt yourself - it's not going to make things better with him, and it's not going to make him empathize with you, either. So essentially, this is ALL a waste of time and energy.

Not that I blame you for reacting in this way. I've gone overboard at times as well. It hurts when a friend betrays you like this, and leaves you to cry over all the good times you've had together. It hurts when you look around and are reminded of all those fond memories, when you see him interacting with mutual friends and know you can't do the same with him, and so on.

The way to respond in situations like those is to go against your first instinct (which is to hide or run away) and to get yourself out there. Reconnect with friends that you haven't hung out with in a while. Join a club or two and learn something new. Get around to a fun project you've been putting off for a while. Instead of cutting off social contact with EVERYONE for fear of what EVERYONE ELSE might do to you, realize that all you have to do is cut off contact with this one jerk, whom you knew wasn't good for you to begin with.

I wish you all the best, both with your academics and social life. It's not easy to overcome challenges like these, but if you can adopt a change of attitude and put yourself out there, you'll start to feel better about where you life is heading. The worst thing you can do is to give up altogether by being along in your room and feeling sorry for yourself because of what one person did to you. In the grand scheme of things, they're nothing. You're going to meet many, MANY more people in your lifetime. He may feel like your "everything," but he sure as heck doesn't have to be your "everything." Getting "attached" to people is perfectly fine, as long as those attachments are healthy ones. Again, try to recognize that this guy was trouble from the very beginning. Not everyone is going to be that way. It's okay to take more chances in the future, and you might as well start today.

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