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My mom and weed... - July 26th 2012, 02:18 AM

Not really sure how to start this... but.... yeah, my mom and I are having a lot of issues over my marijuana usage. This all started when I went out with my friend Katie, we met up with a few of her friends and got completely blasted... and long story short I didn't call my mom like I was supposed to and we ended up getting a ride home from her friend who just graduated (I'm going into freshman year, her sophomore year). I passed out, got woken up an hour later when my grandpa was going to bed (my mom was making me give up my room because he was staying with us for a couple weeks). I wake up and I felt like shit, and I told my step brother what happened and he just walks over and tells my mom, right in front of me. This got me grounded for all of June... Then fast forwarding a little I got grounded the first week of July because I left my friend Austin's house (we were high and he was afraid we were gonna get caught if she came to his place so he kicked me out, his parents are cool with him smoking), then I left with my other friend and went to our other friends place, I tell my mom and she freaks out because me going to someone else's house "wasn't part of the deal, and I didn't give her the address of my other friends place like I was supposed too" (I would have but her parents were asleep and I didn't want to piss them off especially because her mom loves me ). Fast forward to when I get back from California she asks me why my friends never come over to her place and I told her why (because they don't like her because one time she yelled at them saying how she knows they smoke and they shouldn't be bringing me in.... wtf). Then she starts ranting about how she thinks some of them are bad influences on me, then threatens me with a drug test and rehab if she ever catches me. Recently I got the service on my phone turned off because I left the house to go meet up with someone (she just got home from vacation) at night (before my towns curfew). But honestly our relationship is so strained because of it and as much as I love her I can't handle fighting with her so much. Seriously whenever I do one thing she spends months reminding me of it and trying to make me feel guilty, and also makes it seem like I'm a lot worse then I really am to my dad. See pretty much she assumes I have a problem with weed (during the school year I smoked every couple months, and only with friends). Her only argument is that its illegal and she doesn't even look at the positives it may have (I was on medication for ADHD during the school year, if anything those pills are more dangerous). My dad its a completely different story (they are divorced) he is fine with me smoking as long as I have my priorities straight (helping around the house, grades, shit like that). I really just want to live with my dad sometimes, I've always felt closer to him than I do with my mom. I can talk to him openly about pretty much anything, and he will actually listen and give me advice. I can't tell my mom about anything because she demands I tell her everything in my life but then when I try too she freaks out and gives me virtually no space at all. She always makes it seem like I'm the bad guy too... :/

So, I'm not really sure how to handle this. I sort of want to talk to my therapist but whenever I tell him he always takes her side over mine... I've talked to some friends and a lot of them think I should try and live with my dad but I think that might be really overblown... Am I wrong for being mad at her? (first thread don't judge)
   
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Re: My mom and weed... - July 26th 2012, 02:46 AM

Keep in mind, I am not judging here, I used to smoke weed so it's not like I'm sitting here giving you advice when I really have no idea what the experience is like.

I think the problem here is that your mom is the stricter parent whereas your dad is the one who's more likely to be reasonable about things (it's the total opposite with my parents).

For starters, incidentally, I also have ADHD and no, the medications are NOT worse than week for 2 main reasons. A) they are regulated by the government so they won't be laced with crap and you know what you are getting when you get it, so there isn't that inherent risk like there is with weed, I got bad weed before and I seriously felt like I was going to die, and I wish I was exaggerating. And B) the ADHD medications aren't mind altering, which is a MAJOR difference. Yes, they help you focus, but they don't clog up and slow you down and don't mess up with your inhibitions. They might if you didn't have ADD or if you used Adderall I think it is to make meth you might have a problem, but since drugs work different on those of us for the "normal" use ADD meds are fine.

Any ways, you sound like you just want to go to the parent who will let you get away with more, which isn't really the right thing to do either. Your a teenager. Every teenager wants to be able to get to do what ever they want. And smoking weed isn't exactly good form. No, I do not judge those who choose to do it, but it isn't exactly the brightest thing to do. It's illegal for a reason. It's not like with alcohol. You can have 2-3 drinks and still be legitimately sober, but 2-3 hits of weed and most people are high. I'm not saying you need to stop, I'm just saying your mom has a good reason to be pissed off about that. If you're going to keep doing that, the least you could do is try to respect other rules (ex. curfews). I know my parents weren't uptight about curfews (if I showed up at midnight here and there even though they said to be home by 10 they wouldn't care so long I didn't like kick up a storm going to bed lol) but most parents expect their kids to follow house rules. It doesn't sound like your mom is being unreasonable. And considering that all she did was ground you for a while for using weed she could have done much worse I don't think she's the worst possibility out there. I think you guys probably both just need to sit down and get both of your expectations out there and see if you can come to an agreement on something. AND you really need to remember that there are just somethings a parent DOESN'T need to know. For example, telling her you smoked weed or leaving the smell on you is probably a stupid idea and it's also stupid to keep weed with you. You can get caught with it by your mom which would be bad OR by the police which would be worse. You don't need to tell your mom that your friends don't like her, that probably hurt her feelings (you could have said they think she's scary, which is closer to the truth but not so bad that it borders on just being plain old insensitive).




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