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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Cap's girl Offline
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My friend.... - August 8th 2012, 01:36 AM

Is 17 years old and she's dating a 30 year old man.....and I don't like it. I mean, what 30 year old man wants to date a 17 year old unless he's a pedophile or he's crazy? It's just weird to me and it makes me uncomfortable to think about. I haven't met the guy and I know they don't date like a "normal" date. They always go in a group setting, my friend says. Maybe this is more a rant than a problem, I'm just not sure right now.
I don't like it.
And I know that I can't make her decisions for her, it's her life, not mine. But it's so weird to me! And our boss, thinks it's just wonderful..... -_-
I don't know....I sound like a tyrant or something.....I can't tell her how I feel about because she never listens to me and hasn't about any of her past relationships.....I just don't know what to do....
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Re: My friend.... - August 8th 2012, 02:52 AM

Hey there,
First of all, I'd suggest that you shouldn't worry too much about your friend's life. In the afterrun, it is eventually her life. Since you say in your post that you haven't met this man, you shouldn't judge him. He could turn out to be an amazing guy. Well since your friend is 17, she just wants to act older by going on formal or "formal" dates. Id say, before you talk to your friend about how you feel, you should meet this guy, and if you find him strange, awkward, and not to be the right guy for her, then you should tell her in a friendly and polite manner. Well that's all I have to say... Goodluck to you! hope my advice helps!
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Re: My friend.... - August 8th 2012, 04:41 AM

Honestly, I was in a similar situation. My friend was 17/18 and dating a guy who was 35 (give or take a year), I was HORRIFIED by that, he was 15 years older than her, its like what the hell is wrong with a guy who wants to date a girl so young he could be her dad? There was nothing I could do because aside from age, I couldn't prove he was doing something wrong and if I pointed out that there was no way he could possibly want to be w/ someone that young she'd be insulted and stuff, though she wasn't stupid enough to think I liked it thank God, so that was a blessing in my case. Any ways, you should just let the relationship run it's course and try to subtly advise her to play it safe (no sex OR use protection at least, don't get knocked up, married etc, basically try to convince her not to do anything she can't undo)

I think it is REALLY wrong when a guy/girl is old enough to be someones dad/mom. I think that puts you in a big age difference, I think 8 years is a good max age difference cause it's not bordering on creepy unless you are a teenager in which case I'd say 3-5 years is the maximum, maybe 5-8 years OLDER once you are 18 (I think once you are legally 18 under most circumstances it is no longer appropriate to "dip into the kiddie pool" because societal expectations change and yadayada), and 12 would be the ultimate max because that's assuming the minimum new generation gap. I think it is also safe to say you should GENERALLY stick to the same decade ALTHOUGH that gives someone 20-29 gap (so a 20 year old could date a 29 year old and I wouldn't comment) with some flexibility such as 18-24 or 27-34, in which the last few years of a decade can flow into a new decade, so in your EARLY 20's you can be with 20 year olds and late teens, in your late 20's you can be with 20 year olds and early 30 year olds, and so on.... But when it comes to teenagers I think you should generally be 11-13, 14-17.9 and 18+ (like I said, societal expectations change at 18 because you're an "adult" and are expected to begin conducting yourself as such

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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Re: My friend.... - August 10th 2012, 07:17 PM

There really isn't too much for you to do. However If I think you are given the chance to voice your opinion, I would. If she brings it up, simply say that you think its a bad idea shes with someone that old, however if she really likes him then you are willing to accept it and still be in her life. Saying something like this allows for her to understand that you don't necessarily agree with what is happening, but you are willing to accept it if shes happy with where she is at.

Offer your ear, your voice, and your time; I'm sure what is meant to be will eventually happen in the long run.

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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