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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Stuck in the Middle. - August 8th 2012, 12:35 PM

Okay so my parent's divorce came through earlier this year after 5 years of solicitors and arguments and me being stuck in the middle.

Unfortunately the divorce coming through hasn't stopped any of the above. I'll try and keep this brief but it might be easier for people to help if they know the details more.

Basically my mum owns half of the house that my dad lives in and part of the divorce agreement was that it went up on the market because my dad couldn't afford to buy out her share. So the house is currently still on the market because as far as I know nobody's really interested in buying it.

But now my nan just recently passed away and my dad got enough money that he would be able to buy my mum out of the house so he wouldn't have to move anywhere so he told me to tell her to call him about this. So she called him and he offered her 6000 for her share (I have no idea what the house is worth these days so not sure if that's a good amount or not) but my mum thinks that's too low and told me that he said if he ever had 10000 he would buy her out for that much. My mum trusted my dad when he said that so it's not down in writing or anything but she won't settle for less than that.

Now my mum's saying that she wants access to the old house because it's half hers and she wants to make sure my dad isn't turning away potential buyers but my dad isn't happy about this and won't give her keys. So my mum said (and her solicitor confirmed) that she can legally break in through a window.

Also, my mum is saying she barely has any money and in order to push my dad into paying her off she's going to move herself and her fiance back in the old house because paying half the bills is cheaper than paying all of them. I already told her I think this is a horrible and childish thing to do but she didn't listen to me at all. I don't think my mum is in a good place right now either due to her debts, family issues and the fact that my dad is being awkward about buying her out for what her and her solicitor think is a reasonable price. The past few times I've spoken to her she's been saying things like how she may as well not be here.

I'm concerned for my dad as well because since my nan passed away and I'm away at university he has nobody close to him so he's all on his own.

So even though I'm living miles away from them I'm still being dragged into their petty arguments. My dad is telling me one thing and my mum is telling me a different thing so I really don't know who or what to believe.

I'm not sure what advice anybody can give me really but I thought it was worth asking and just so I can rant about it to impartial people.
   
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Re: Stuck in the Middle. - August 10th 2012, 05:10 AM

I was stuck in the middle of my parents' divorce when I was 13 years old, and I learned a lesson very, VERY quickly: don't get stuck in the middle. It seems you would save yourself a TON of grief if you simply refused to pass messages along for your parents. They have each others' phone numbers - tell them to call each other, or to have their lawyers/solicitors call each other. This is a problem between your parents, and you really don't have any influence over the situation with the house, so why should you allow yourself to get involved?

I'm sorry your father has been having a hard time after your nan's passing away, and I'm sorry your mother has been struggling financially... but they're grown adults, with legal counsel who have plenty of experience. Let your parents and their counsel handle all of this. If they are miserable while living together, but they won't agree on what happens with the house... well, just remember they still have a choice, and they are choosing to make themselves miserable. NOT your problem! People make bad decisions all the time, so why should you be responsible for what your parents decide to do? Why should you have to feel miserable because they're willingly putting themselves in difficult positions?






   
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