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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry Mum and stepdad - August 18th 2012, 09:39 PM

So, I was talking to my mum today and she was saying how sick she is of my stepdad for the following reasons:
  • He sets stupid rules - for example, the kids aren't allowed in the garden without their shoes on, which is stupid if the paddling pool is 10 steps away
  • It's one rule for him, another for others - example: he says that no one is allowed to walk around the house with their shoes on (not even in the kitchen which is three paces away from the mat) but when he goes to his mum's he walks around with his shoes on and when his mum's like 'mind the rug!' he's like 'my shoes are clean'
  • He's selfish - My mum could have been late home from work (she works in a play scheme until 6pm or until the last child is picked up) and she was waiting with a child at 5:55pm when my stepdad rang and was like 'Oh, you need to be home soon because I have a golf lesson and I need to leave at 6:40pm (it takes half an hour to get home from mum's work) so you need to be home soon so that I get there on time. And when mum was like 'if this child doesn't get picked up, I need to stay with him until social services picks him up (which happens if the child is not picked up - they get rung after 15 minutes past the pick up time unless the parent has rung with an excuse)' and my stepdad was like 'get someone else to do it, it's the manager's duty - you need to be home because I have a golf lesson' when, actually, it's my mum's responsibility as she is the lead of the playscheme.
  • I've had the same friends since year 7 - he and mum have met them all - but it was just in January - year 12 - that he allowed them to come round without parental supervision as -I quote from a few years back - 'Your friends - like A - might steal stuff' Those were his exact words! And I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 9 months and he's still not even allowed to step foot in the house when no one else is in. It took mum 2 months to trust him and she said that she's allow him in the house with no adults and would even let the both of us babysit my brother and sister!
And other stupid rules and things!!!


I don't see my mum much anymore because I live part-time at my boyfriend's to avoid my stepdad because we've never got along since I was 13 and it's gotten worse when I started dating my boyfriend. However, this means that if I'm off of school/work and my stepdad is off too, I stay at my boyfriends. And I no longer feel welcome at my house because my stepdad is so rude to me, even though I just ignore him now. He even took the mick out of my Asperges - and that is a hidieously low blow - I hate it when people take the mick out of it! And he even had me in tears because he had a go at me the very second I stepped in the house and carried on until I left and I hadn't even done anything wrong! Even my mum agreed with me!


So, my mum was saying that they're 'this close' to splitting up and asked me for my opinion, to which I said that she should talk to him about it, and if that doesn't work then there's nothing else she can do. But whenever she says it to him, he's always like 'Oh, I'll try this, I'll try that. I'll change' and then goesback to normal, apparently.


He's also hugely relient on his own mother - when he first moved in with my mum (aged 29) he would ring up his own mum and ask her to make him doctors appointments! And he asked her to look for a football coaching book and maybe buy him one - when he was complaining about looking online because he couldn't look inside the book! What would his mother know about football?! She has no interest in it! And it's because of this, that I think he's with my mum because he needs someone to look after him, not because of who she is.


He's just stressing my mum out. And apparently he never compromises to her, she always compromises to him. He once, when I was younger, came barging into my room and said 'You've got what you wanted, me and your mum are going to split up.' Which, I think, made it sound like my fault.

And he's looked through both my, and my mum's phone!


I just hate him now and I wouldn't really care for him if my mum and him split up. There would only be two things I would be worried about:


1) My mum would probably struggle financially to support three kids (Me, 17, my brother, 8 and my sister, 4), even with support from my dad and stepdad,


2) And my brother and sister would have to live in a split family.


And my mum said that it probably wouldn't even stop the arguments as he'd ask the kids what they'd been doing with her and pick up on stuff he doesn't like and argue with the stuff about her!


My mum said that when I moved out, she had a vision of me and my boyfriend going to dinner to hers once a week, but she doesn't think this will ever happen because he refuses to be around be, despite the fact that I can tolerate him.


I'm just ranting, sorry, I'm making this so long, I just needed to rant to let it out and I don't know what it is that I can do to help.

Any questions, please ask!

Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks,
RosieJ


And she turns up the music, to drown out her life.

22/12/2014 was the last date I self-harmed. The longest I have gone so far is 1 year, 2 months and 5 days. This time, I hope I can give up! New record: 1 year 6 months! Yay!!
Previously:
Kibska
   
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Re: Mum and stepdad - August 18th 2012, 09:57 PM

He sounds almost like my ex step mom O.o
   
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Re: Mum and stepdad - August 18th 2012, 10:14 PM

Hm. I'm guessing by the 'ex' bit, it didnt end well?

I just don't know how to make it easier for my mum.


And she turns up the music, to drown out her life.

22/12/2014 was the last date I self-harmed. The longest I have gone so far is 1 year, 2 months and 5 days. This time, I hope I can give up! New record: 1 year 6 months! Yay!!
Previously:
Kibska
   
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Skyy Offline
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Re: Mum and stepdad - August 18th 2012, 10:31 PM

It didnt end so well.... But of she's happy with him than don't do nothing. Bout the kids they shouldn't have to go thro that. My mom was a single mom for 4 years and raise my sister brother and I
   
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Re: Mum and stepdad - August 19th 2012, 09:33 AM

She used to be really happy, but now she doesn't really seem to be and I don't know if it's because she's working really long days at the moment, or if it's because of him.

I suppose I'll have to wait and see what happens.


And she turns up the music, to drown out her life.

22/12/2014 was the last date I self-harmed. The longest I have gone so far is 1 year, 2 months and 5 days. This time, I hope I can give up! New record: 1 year 6 months! Yay!!
Previously:
Kibska
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Skyy Offline
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Name: chandra
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Re: Mum and stepdad - August 19th 2012, 10:55 PM

Long days does bring on stress and it. Could be him too
   
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