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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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FaithMcCoy Offline
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My mom is cheating on my dad... - August 25th 2012, 04:40 PM

Today I stumbled across my moms secret, she is having an affair with one of her co-workers. My parents have been having problems for about a year and a half, they decided last year to take a break and my dad lived in a different house but they still saw each other nearly everyday and went out for dinners. He'd even sleep over in my mums bed on weekends.

But now he works away for 3 weeks a month and comes home for a week. Mum and him have got back together this year and things have been going really well. Until I saw something on her phone.
It may sound bad but my mum was out and left her I-phone at home and it kept beeping so I went to open and close it but facebook messages popped up and I saw these messages from this guy we'll call R. Her co-worker.
I know him cause she would continuously complain about him being a pervert and how he was cheating with J, another co worker.

But these messages were talking about how she wanted to go to adelaide with him and were sex-messages (sexts). My dad doesn't know about this.
And I don't know whether to tell him. My mum doesn't know I know either and I don't want to confront either of them and break apart my family.
My Older sister would be devastated and my Dad who devotes everything to this family and already suffers from depression wouldn't be able to handle it.
I'm 17 and I don't want to ruin my life especially in my last year of school.
But I feel like my whole world has been torn apart.
I just want someone to tell me what to do next.....
I feel so displaced, and so lost.
   
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Re: My mom is cheating on my dad... - August 27th 2012, 05:50 PM

Hello, Faith. Welcome to TeenHelp!

I am truly sorry to hear about your situation. You're certainly in a tough spot - you don't want your mom to continue getting away with cheating, but you don't want to break the family apart and make it worse than it already is for your dad/sister. What I want you to remember is that YOU are not responsible for the pain other family members may experience. You may end up telling your dad what's going on, but even if his depression worsens, remember that YOU are not to blame for that. Your MOM is the one who is cheating on your father - SHE is the one trying to break the family apart, NOT YOU. If you share this knowledge with your family, the responsibility and blame ultimately falls on HER shoulders for having had the affair, not on YOUR shoulders for having told everyone the truth.

What you choose to do is ultimately up to you; however, if I were in your position, based on my background, I would confront my mom first, and give her the chance to tell the family about the affair. If you give her the option to end the affair and NOT tell the family, you risk her continuing the affair and simply making a greater attempt to hide it from everyone (ex. not using Facebook/her phone anymore). Your dad and sister will be hurt - there's no doubt about that. Your mom will have the chance to come clean and start working on making things right again, though, and that's more than she could possibly hope for, given what she did. Perhaps this is what your parents need in order to REALLY get their marriage back on track (because it's clear that some issues are still unresolved - they may be living together again, but that doesn't mean their marriage is on solid ground again).






   
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