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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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RyceMeleton Offline
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Caught in the Middle - August 26th 2012, 08:59 PM

Yesterday I went out with my two friends (let's just call them Allie and Sara) so we could hang out since college started and we weren't sure when we'd be aable to do it again. Anyway, Allie starts talking about this guy she's madly in love with but, she's upset because he moved away and she has no idea where he is, or even what his number is. I got really confused and Sara said she'd explain later.

Well, when it was just me and Sara she told me that she made up this guy and pretended to be him whenever he would text Allie. I just didn't understand what she meant, so she said that she told Allie he broke his phone and had to use her's. I couldn't (and still don't understand why she did this). She told me she never meant to let it get this far, and she doesn't know why she did it either.

I feel horible just knowing about this. Allie is a very emotional person, so I can kind of understand hy Sara doesn't want to tell her, but it's still wrong. I want to tell Allie about it, but I don't know how to. I hate that I even know about it, because now Allie won't stop texting me and asking if I think she'll see this guy again or if he'll come back to her. It's out of control, and when I asked Sara to tell her the truth, she said she let it die out. I don't think it will, and even if it does, it's hard to trust a friend who would do something like that. (even if it should have been obvious that this guy wasn't real if he never talked to her, she's never seen him, or texted him from his own phone) I don't know what do, please help me.


   
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Re: Caught in the Middle - August 27th 2012, 10:54 PM

Wow, what a mess!

Well, Sara is right about one thing - if the two of you leave this alone and avoid mentioning the guy again, Allie WILL eventually move on. I know she's "emotional," but honestly, who wouldn't be? If I really liked a guy, and he suddenly disappeared, I'd spend some time trying to find out where he went. After a while, though, I would need to admit defeat. Allie will do the same thing. Of course she's going to act like it's the end of the world - for now - but with time, she'll meet new people at college/work/internships/clubs/etc., and she'll find someone else to crush on.

Whether or not you choose to tell Allie the truth is up to you and what your conscience guides you toward doing. There are pros and cons to each. If you tell Allie the truth, you can feel relief at not having to keep this a secret anymore, but you may end up damaging one or both relationships in the process (Sara will probably be mad that you told Allie the truth, and Allie may not initially believe you/eventually blame you for her trouble with Sara). If you keep this a secret (and let time heal Allie's wounds), you'll avoid causing more trouble, but you'll have to deal with these feelings toward Sara in silence (unless you can find a reliable friend/family member to talk to about this issue, someone who doesn't know Allie or Sara and therefore wouldn't break the news to them afterward).

I wish you all the best of luck!






   
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Re: Caught in the Middle - August 27th 2012, 11:01 PM

Oh...how to put this politely? *#%^*#

That's terrible for you, and pretty terrible for Allie too.

I would have to say that, whilst PSY is right, I'd raise serious questions about Sara. Whilst I'm sure she didn't mean to get it quite so complicated, she definitely should have foreseen this and stopped earlier.
If you can, without damaging relationships too much, I think you should try to make Sara see just how morally wrong it is, and if possible, make her confess to Allie. This will be difficult, and may just cause a bigger rift with you stuck in the middle again, of two metal enemies.

You could just let it be, and Allie will get over it.
I just don't think that it's a very good sign of friendship towards Allie that Sara did that.
I might even go as far as mentioning the word "bullying".


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Re: Caught in the Middle - September 1st 2012, 11:27 PM

Thank you guys so much!!! i talked to Sara about what she did, and she admitted that it was wrong and she's going to talk to Alli about it.
   
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