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kristinawithak Offline
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Exclamation my dad's a horrible man... - September 9th 2012, 12:15 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was a runaway from October 15 till August 12 when I was found and forced to come home. I've runaway about 4 times before this. I am now in Khartoum, Sudan with my mother because it was not safe in the house with my father as he is not stable at all. I have made MANY complaints yet no action was ever taken. My father bought me and my mother one way tickets to Cairo for August 20 with no visas. From Cairo my father's brother was supposed to meet us to give us tickets to Sudan. However, my father lied to us. When we landed in Cairo no one was waiting for us. He only gave us 300 dollars in hand, which was supposed to be to buy visas. I contacted my father from a near by motel and he said "Sorry I guess my brother is not in Cairo anymore." I asked him numerous times to send me money for tickets and he laughed at me and said he was tired and was going to sleep. He then began to mock me over text messages which I have proof of. when asked what I was suppose to do he told me to get some sleep. I stayed about a day or more in Cairo with my mother with NOTHING and no where to stay but in the airport and my father laughed at us. My mom's brothers had to come get us and pay for our tickets because my father would not. His plan was to get rid of us in Egypt & for us to disappear and he would not be blamed for it. He claimed he told my mother's brothers that they were supposed to get us but when they showed us the texts he merely told them that we were just going to be arriving in Cairo with no visas. After We believe he left to Saudi Arabia. We have emails and texts of conversations between us and him.
My father did not just randomly become insane. When I was little growing up he would beat my mother all the time. My earliest memory is my father on top of my mother with a knife saying he was going to kill her. In our house we have major fights about two to three times a week. He gets mad over the dust ontop of the fridge and starts throwing things off it and yelling at my mother. He has ALWAYS tried to convince me, my sister and my brother that my mother is a horrible person and she came from a horrible family. He even makes up lies about her family. He has a strange obsession with trying to prove that she is the worst person in the world. In 2006 or 2005 we came to Egypt for vacation where my parents were supposed to get divorced he threw things at her and he separated us from her. He tried to convince me that my mother didn't love me. I was in 5th grade. On the same trip I got sick in the street and told him I had to use the bathroom really bad, he got mad and left me in the street. I pooped my pants and when he found me infront of the apartment he told me because i pooped myself i had to find somewhere else to live. I was in Egypt and had no idea where I was. After standing outside for about 30 minutes my mother brought me inside.
My father also use to lock my brother in a storage room outside of the house everytime he got introuble which had bugs all over it and it was where we kept the dog food. He calls him gay and horrible slurs if he makes the tiniest mistake. He tells me my mother is a (sorry for my language) whore and a worthless piece of shit. If i don't comply with his religious rules he takes everything away from me. He told me if I didn't wear the scarf he would shave my head in front of the whole school. The last time I ran away was because my father threatened to do an honor killing on me. This was the first time he has ever threatened an honor killing which is why I left. I also asked him if i could be put in counseling and he refused because he said i'd get him arrested. when i started to write to myself to vent he would find the letters and get me in trouble for them. in the letters itd say id leave when i was 18 and he would say if im thinking of that now he should just kill me or torture me with bloody ways. Because of him I now have extreme anxiety and nightmares to the point where I wet the bed. he has also given me the option to be disowned and leave Arizona, but if he saw me in Arizona he would personally kill me on the spot. He would also slam my head into the bed by my neck til my neck popped at times and slap me as hard as he could. He has restricted me from going to school numerous times against my will as well. The very first time I ran away was because he asked me if I liked living there and I said no he then reached for my hair and I ran and he chased me I ran olut of the house into an alley and my brother was following me he told me to run one way and he wouldn't tell my dad so i hid behind an electric box for hours.
While I was still a runaway the most recent time my mother filed a report that my father was going to kill her. He threatened to shoot her and my friend's full family. She however did not press charges because she was afraid that the state would not return me to her because the house is not a safe environment. My mother has asked my father repeatedly for a divorce however he will not. He says he is going to keep her and torture her till she dies. He restricts her from working completely so she does not have a sufficient way to support me or my siblings. He takes away her phone cancels the TV and does not let her touch a computer so she does not contact her family.
When I came home the first day my father started calling my mom a lesbian and whore as well as my grandma from her side and started saying horrible things to her. he tried to hit my mother with a deodorant bottle and when i told him to stop he tried to hit me. He then said he was going to separate us. A few days later he called me in to talk to him which i did not what to do because he gets very mad over nothing. When I tried to explain to him things he started saying up yours and making a fist towards me very aggressively. My mother took me out of the room and he told her she has nothing to do with me. He came into me and her room and said he was leaving. He then changed it and said me and her were leaving at 9am in the morning and to pack all our stuff. He gave us a 12 hour notice to pack everything. We agreed to this because my mother was afraid he would hurt us. my mom said we should be back in america in 2 weeks however we've been here longer and my father said he was coming back on october 1st and doesn't want us there.
a lot of these problems are because i don't follow the muslim religion. my parents are very devoted muslims and my father will go at any cost to make me one. i refused to wear the scarf so he said he'd shave my head in front of everyone at school when i was in 8th grade. he's tried to poke my eye out with a ciggarette and has made life extremely difficult due to this. he won't accept me and doesn't love me.. my mother knows im not and when i told her she wanted nothing to do with me then she said she'd help convince me that was the right path. she however said never to tell my dad 'cause he'd do something horrible to me.. i've told the cops about this but they don't believe me. and i'm not sure what to do anymore
i used to rave and do drugs a lot to cope. but after my parents found out they wouldn't let me have friends at all so now i'm all alone with no one to talk to. & when i'm here i'm not allowed to have any emotion except to be happy...
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Re: my dad's a horrible man... - September 11th 2012, 12:41 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp!

I am so sorry to hear about your current situation. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have your very life threatened by your own father, and how unsafe you must be feeling as a result. You said you are currently in Sudan, but you also mentioned going back to the United States. I don't know what Sudan has as far as Child Protective Services are concerned, but I do know that once you're back in the United States, you can contact the local department that deals with child abuse cases and report your father. If you are an adult, you can leave the household and seek help at a battered women's shelter.

Normally, I would encourage you to discuss your safety plan with your other family members, but it doesn't sound like your mom is terribly eager to leave. In fact, I would almost be afraid that she might report you to your father, out of a sense of loyalty and/or fear for her own safety if she didn't tell him what you were planning to do. Once you have left the home, you can tell CPS/DCFS/whatever the department that deals with child abuse cases is called, and they may be able to coordinate something with the police. You could also try to reach your mother's family members, and together, you may be able to remove your other underage siblings from the home. After that, your mom may be more willing to leave as well, since she would be alone with your father and be subject to the entirety of his abusive behavior.

I wish you and your family all the best. Please feel free to keep us updated on your situation!

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