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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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supporting my sister may be hard... - September 11th 2012, 09:45 AM

my sister has been i n and out of hospital sincce she was 12. the appointments got less and less though throughout the years. she only needs to get check-ups every now and again. anyway, i was always their in the hospital by her side. but now, i feel so weak and tired that i dont think i can help her this time. you see, me and her are both twins. i swore to myself when we were almost 12 that i would always be their to help her. but i dont think i can this time. im not sure if i can get through it. she has to have surgery on her knee because of this bone condition she got (a side affect of leukaemia.) and i dont think i can be her leaning post. after all the things thats happened recently, my mum is slowly stepping away. also we will be 18 soon so mum is trying to teach my sister the responsibilities she will have to have. im not sure i am strong enough to support her through this.
   
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Re: supporting my sister may be hard... - September 11th 2012, 04:46 PM

Being the leaning post for other people can be very draining, especially when you've been one constantly for 6 years. It sounds like you maybe need to take some time just for you.
Maybe you could talk to you mum and explain the effect that this is all having on you.
I'm sure that you are strong enough to support your sister, but we all need a break sometimes.
   
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Re: supporting my sister may be hard... - September 11th 2012, 08:46 PM

This is a tough one. But the promise you made when you were 11 may not mean the same thing as you grow older. You're almost 18, she needs to become more independent, as do you. You're not expected to be her carer. It's okay to be there for her. You can be there by just showing up to appointments when you have the time, and just support. But taking care of her and supporting her are two different things. You don't have to take care of her, you're adults. And I know that's it's probably really natural to take on that role because 1) You're a twin. 2.) You've done it most of your life 3.) She's family, and we were all taught to be there for our family.

But you also have a life to live. Do you have goals and dreams for yourself? You need to start living your life and taking care of you. And that doesn't have to mean giving up on your sister. That doesn't mean you have to let her fall. It's a balancing game. Like I said, you can be there, talk to her, love her, etc.. but you don't have to sacrifice yourself to take care of her. She is in good hands. And honestly, sometimes love and care is all a person truly needs in a situation like this. I think you might benefit from reading an article on young carers. It might not directly apply to you, but it could probably help give a bit of insight.http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f84-f...ing-loved-one/

Lastly, I think you need to talk to some people. Starting with your sister. Tell her how you're feeling. She loves you, she'll understand. I'm sure you're worried about hurting her, but honestly.. your sister is a lot stronger than you think. Also, I think you might benefit from talking to your mom. Ask her for her opinion. It's always nice to talk to someone who gets the situation and is close to you. As nice as it is to talk to people you're close to, it's also nice to talk to people who are on the outside. Do you have a trusted adult or counselor you can talk to? Someone just to vent your emotions to? I think it would really help you not feel so weighed down.

I just want to let you know how touching it is, the love you show for your sister. Hang in there<3


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Re: supporting my sister may be hard... - September 12th 2012, 07:00 AM

thank you for your advice. i find it difficult to share my feelings with my mum. my dad isnt in my life anymore. i want to go to university next year and do what i want. i dont go to any doctors for myself because i havent needed one for medical reasons. i dont have a counsellor or older adult to talk to. well maybe besides my older sister, but again its too difficult for me to get the courage to talk about how i really feel to my family. and i know i need time for me, but i dont know how to seperate from that.
   
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