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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Exclamation I really need advise as of what to do - September 13th 2012, 02:36 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a boyfriend named Bailey and I am worried about Bailey's mom.....you see she has a BF named Charles and I believe Charles is Abusing Bailey's Mom. She is always quiet and drawn back when he is around. and if you look closely you can see bruises on her neck and arms....almost like someone grabbed her. He is a very violent man and I always hide behind Bailey when he gets home. also his little sister (we call her Cat) has told me about things she has heard in the morning, such as her Mother being choked or thrown to the ground, she also hears him trying to force Their mom to kiss him.

I have seen him lash out on Cat before and throw her to the ground and it is incredibly scary, I was literally sobbing into Bailey......They are a really sweet Family but Charles is just so scary.....we don't know how to stop him, we called to Police on him once but he got off the hook somehow

its gotten to the point where I fear for all of their Lives, including the Baby (Zoey)

and just a side note Charles is the father to Cat and Zoey but is not married to their Mom...Bailey has a different father....I really don't know if this will help with anything but I want to get every little detail in

I don't owe you anything, you'll only die a dream forgotten. I've got my pride so hear me sing, I'll never let you steal my coffin
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PSY Offline
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Re: I really need advise as of what to do - September 14th 2012, 01:01 AM

If Bailey's mom would be willing to go to the police and present evidence of the abuse (ex. show them the bruises), she could have Charles removed from the home. A restraining order could be filed against him, and if he came anywhere near her or the children, he would face criminal charges. He would almost certainly lose custody over the children as well (if he was able to see them, it would be through monitored visits).

Here's the catch: in order for this to work, Bailey's mom needs to follow through. She's probably TERRIFIED that things will get worse if she contacts the police, especially since Charles was released in the past (probably because they didn't have enough evidence and/or Bailey's mom didn't continue to press charges). This will have to be an all-or-nothing situation: if she's not willing to contact the police, follow through, and do whatever it takes to ensure Charles is out of her family's life, then any resistance on her part could just makes Charles even more violent than he already is. She may also be concerned about surviving financially, if Charles is out of the picture. Some people will stay in abusive relationships/households, because it's the danger they're familiar with, whereas unemployment is the danger they're unfamiliar with.

You seem to be close to Bailey's mom and half-siblings, so I would talk to Bailey about the family's options and ask hm to join you when talking to his mom. Perhaps you could even get Cat to join in as well. If three children are looking at Bailey's mom and saying, "Look at the bruises on your body, look at how Cat was abused, think about what could happen next - please, for your sake and ours, do X, Y, and Z!" it will motivate her to risk an unknown situation in favor of removing her family from a known dangerous situation. If she's not willing to follow through, then you do have other options available to you. You could call Child Protective Services and explain what is going on. You could also continue to be a source of support for Bailey (and if things ever get worse, you could open up your home to him, with your parents' permission).

I wish you, Bailey, and his family all the best. Feel free to keep us updated!

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Re: I really need advise as of what to do - September 14th 2012, 06:58 AM

Thankyou for the advise I will try some of these tips

I don't owe you anything, you'll only die a dream forgotten. I've got my pride so hear me sing, I'll never let you steal my coffin
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September 15th 2012, 08:51 PM

Hi I agree completely but,
If what you are saying is true, then this is an abusive relationship, therefore, it is most likely that the mother doesn't want to leave him, foe various reasons, and a quick google search can give you lots of reasons "why women don't leave abusive relationships".
And it is most likely that even when confronted by the police or social service, she will lie or make it seem like nothing happened or that it was a one time thing etc.
In my opinion this is a difficult matter and it isn't something that can easily be solved, and there isn't much that you can do about it, unless she isn't one of the majority of those women who can't leave abusive relationships.
She needs professional help.
Even if she breaks up with him, she will find herself running back to him after a while.
Again this only applies if she is one of the majority of people that can't leave an abusive relationship. Again Google it and you will see lots of explanations on the subject.
Sorry I couldn't of been more helpful, I tried to be informative as I can.
Hope this helped.

I forgot to mention, that even men find the same troubles when they are in an abusive relationship with abusive women.

RonnyM ~ Doing nothing since 1997

Last edited by PSY; September 15th 2012 at 09:54 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
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