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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Awkwardness, suffocation and confusion... - September 18th 2012, 09:51 AM

So at school, my friends keep on making jokes about depression and stuff and im sick of it. but i dont tell them that i am depressed or anyhting. my friends have been fighting as well, like stopped talking to each other completely over a stupid reason. and im always the person in the middle of them. and i will always be with my guy best friend cause me and him are a lot closer. im not sure what to do their :/

On the other hand, at home i just want to escape from home for a long time. but i cant because i am broke at the moment. i have holidays so im going to be spending even more time with the family which i dont want :/ i need some time away from them so desperately and im meaning more than a few hours. i feel so suffocated all the time and have a lot of family issues. :/

even worse, my sister is going to maybe have surgery next week on her knee, and i am hoping that she doesnt want me to be there as much as i have been before. (i use to be a young carer for her when she was going through treatment for leukaemia). but in a way i feel as though i am obligied to be there for her, even though i know that i need to sought my things out. usually id put her first over me. i guess habits never die....
   
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Re: Awkwardness, suffocation and confusion... - September 25th 2012, 09:38 PM

As difficult as this may be, I feel communication will go a long way toward solving your problems.

For example, when your friends joke about depression, you could calmly but firmly ask that they don't tell those sorts of jokes when you're around, as the subject of depression hits close to home (they could infer whatever they want from that - maybe it's you, or maybe it's someone you know who suffers from depression). When your friends fight or refuse to speak to each other, you can let them both know you care about them, but that you're not going to get involved and want to continue being friends with both people while they work things out.

I don't know how things are with your family, but maybe you could arrange a few sleepovers in the months to come? In the meantime, you may want to explore your options for moving out. Consider getting a job so you can afford an apartment, or if you're close to someone outside of the family, see if you could stay with them for a few weeks while you look for a job. "Running away" isn't the best option, as you could put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

I remember you talking about your sister, and honestly, communication is going to be the key to dealing with that situation as well. You're growing up and need to live your life. It's great that you want to support your sister, but at some point, you need to take care of yourself. Otherwise, you will be in no position to take care of her. Surely she can understand that? If not... well, rest assured that she can find support elsewhere. She does NOT need to rely on you as much as you think she does.

Good luck, and I hope everything works out sooner vs. later!






   
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Re: Awkwardness, suffocation and confusion... - September 26th 2012, 12:04 AM

thanks for the response. i have zero confidene in speaking my mind. i just cant do it even when ive been allowed the space to do so. well i havent been a leaning post for my sister because im just too busy anyway so thats good.

i already have a job but it wont be substantial enough to pay for an apartment or anything. it probably wouldnt even pay half of the rent id need. me and my frineds arent really that close. i mean they have stayed over our house and been here a few times, but ive only been to a couple of their houses. so their isnt really anyway i can stay with. running away really sounds good right now but i know it isnt the best option.

my friends are too stubborn to realise what they are doing is stupid. its all over something stupid as welll which makes it even worse. i just wish they would come to their senses because even they know it is an awkward situation. im hoping they can sought their stuff out in the next two weeks so it isnt awkward. ive tried to convince them to give up this stupidness but they both wont.

if i do tell them not to talk about the depression, i know how they will react. they would ask me if i was depresssed, tease me about it and just continue on with it. i think one friend can sense how i am but i just deny it. its just very fustrating.

thanks for the response too. it has helped a bit.
   
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Re: Awkwardness, suffocation and confusion... - September 26th 2012, 06:01 AM

You said you have zero confidence and can't speak your mind even when given the space to do so... but guess what? You've been doing that on TeenHelp. In fact, you've been telling a bunch of strangers some very personal things, which can be incredibly difficult to do! I think you don't give yourself enough credit. Not being able to do something, and not wanting to do something because it's difficult/scary are two different things. The sad thing is that your situation may not improve, and may even become worse, if you are passive and let other people carry on with what they're doing. Communication is something we all need to work on if we want to be happy, because other people aren't mind-readers. No matter how great they are, they can't meet our needs unless we tell them what those needs are.

As far as your friends go... well, they don't really sound like good friends to me, if they would tease you for feeling depressed. =/ You said you've been busy lately - what takes up that time? Do you have any opportunities to socialize with people during those times? For example, if you are part of a study group, you may be able to strike up conversations with a member of your group. Since you work, you may be able to strike up a conversation with a co-worker. If you happen to have a little bit of free time, even if it's just an hour, you might want to consider getting involved with a club at school. That way, you can begin to meet new people who will be more sympathetic than your "friends" are.

Becoming financially independent can be quite a challenge. I was only able to do this starting in January, and even now, I have to dip into my savings each month, bit by bit. With grad school and other expenses, my part-time job simply won't cut it. Have you looked into other options, such as living with one or more roommates instead of renting a place on your own? Believe it or not, my boyfriend lives with several guys in one house. He pays about $450/month because he doesn't share his bedroom with anyone, but the four guys who share one room end up paying about $200/month. Many people with a part-time job can afford that.

I'm glad I was able to help out. Feel free to keep us updated!






   
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Re: Awkwardness, suffocation and confusion... - September 26th 2012, 11:30 PM

this is different. posting on here. you cant see peoples emotions and no one knows me in person. so there is no confrontation. i shouldve said zero confidence in verbally talking about my issues. its much easier to type rather than talk. i dunno,, ive always been passive so i dont think it can get worse with the communication stuff.

my friends are good they are just immature and cant take a lot of things seriously. ive been working a lot and also had to drive a lot. but i think things are going to get less busy. im on my last school holidays ever. at work i 'socialize' but just about general things. i know i need more of a social life though.

i could ask my father for help but i dont like him very ,uch at the moment. actually for probably a year. but i am saving slowly i suppose. i dont know that many people here in the city so it would be a bit awkward. i know that a couple of my friends are thinking of going into shared housing but i wouldnt live with them. one of them gets on my nerves too much.
   
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