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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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flawedbydesign Offline
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Brother problems. - September 27th 2012, 02:56 AM

I don't understand how someone can be so fucking full of their self. and I don't know why it bothers me so much. He pisses me off so much. I feel like I should hate him, but for some reason I just can't, and I hate that. He is so spoiled, always has been, probably always will be. He has always gotten away with so much and it got to his head so bad, but it is so far up his ass that he doesn't even realize it. He messes with me constantly then yells at me and calls me immature or a bitch and stuck up, goes on about how I only think about myself whenever I ask him to stop or say anything about what he is doing. It drives me crazy, but it is not like I have anyone to talk to about it. For as long as I could remember, whenever someone would show the slightest interest in becoming my friend, he would tell them these ridiculous made up stories until they wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So, I am left all alone feeling like shit. I tell myself that I don't really care, but for some reason everything he does gets to me. I don't think anyone has ever made me break down as much as he has.

I know a lot of people say things like "brothers are supposed to be like that, but will be there when you need them" but that is not true in this situation. He is always given people a reason to pick on me, he never cared whether the reason he gave them was true or not.
   
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Re: Brother problems. - September 27th 2012, 05:36 AM

I don't know how to deal with a bitchy family member if they live with you either.
Whatever I say is primarily up for you to judge.

I used to be a great friend to my cousin in my younger years, only in my later years (10+) I realized how bitchy she is, I constantly get yelled at and she treats others like a bitch. She was in my school too, different grades so it didn't affect me much. Did not talk in school at all.

Now, I avoid her. Fucking invisible woman in my house now, different room, thank god. Fucking awkward birthday parties, I just want to kick them out whenever there is one. Whenever she comes out to the living room I ignore her. We don't say anything to each other.

If you truly love them, keep your connection.
But there is no possible fucking way to keep a connection with someone you hate, Fable II, two brothers raised in a same house, completely different. You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.

I miss what we used to have, but I was an ignorant kid back then and she is a raging bitch now. It's better for the present.

If you see them becoming better, then give them another chance. If your brother is a young kid he hasn't learned sympathy yet.


By the scorn of the gods, my fucking cousin is ranked #1 on my hate list, so it REALLY IS UP TO YOU! Severing connections with your brother is definitely life changing, or trying to avoid him. Especially if he lives and is in the same school as you. No reason to not talk to him forever over a period of dickhardiness.

Ultimately, this is your relationship, your brother, I'm just a man (not the best one) with some insight.


What lies ahead is unknown. However, in some times, I've sighted several smooth pavements. I myself am the mender of roads, and it is with these we work on.

Last edited by JustACityBoy; September 27th 2012 at 08:21 AM.
   
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Re: Brother problems. - September 29th 2012, 02:44 AM

Have you tried talking to your brother about how all of this makes you feel in the past? If so, what has been his reaction when you flat-out say things like, "I feel miserable and alone when you tell my friends things that aren't true"? Does he laugh it off? Become verbally abusive? Not respond at all? I'm an only child, so I can't relate to having an annoying sibling... but sometimes, we feel a person can't be reasoned with, yet we have never actually tried reasoning with them. Yelling at your brother or avoiding him doesn't count as "communicating" with him. If this is something you haven't tried yet, why not give it a shot? If you have tried before, then I guess you can disregard what I said above.

What about your parents? How do they respond? Have you explicitly told them that your brother is doing all of these things? Again, some people believe their parents don't care or won't intervene, but if you've never tried, then you can't know what good might come out of saying something. If you've tried this before, disregard what I said above.

Frankly, I think it's strange that so many potential friends would believe your brother over you. If you're telling them your brother is lying, but they're believing your brother over you, then honestly, it might be a good thing that they didn't end up becoming friends. People who are so easily swayed like that don't deserve to have your friendship. Maybe, in the future, it might help to meet with potential friends outside of your house and school. That way, your brother won't be around to tell them lies when you're first getting to know those potential friends. After you've developed a friendship, it's less likely they will pay any attention to what your brother says about you (or they'll at least look to you for confirmation, and when you say he's lying, they'll be more likely to believe you over him).

Some siblings "grow out" of their conflicts later in life. Sadly, others don't. Maybe the best policy for now would be to avoid your brother when you can, and to keep your conversations short and civil when you have to be around each other. After you move out of your parents' home, you can have more freedom to limit contact with him if he continues to be abusive. Maybe he'll come around in a few years and say, "Hey, I was a real jerk when we were younger, and I hope you can forgive me for that." Maybe you two will never be "close." I wouldn't give up hope altogether, and I wouldn't intentionally burn bridges, but if you need to put some distance between yourself and your brother for the sake of your well-being, please don't hesitate to do so.






   
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Re: Brother problems. - September 29th 2012, 09:44 PM

Well, is he older or younger? Not that it matters much.
I have an older brother, who's not that much older than me, but we get on quite well. If you don't get on well with your brother, just ignore him, and pretend that he doesn't exist, even though it's hard to do so. But why is he so interested in annoying you? My brother annoys me sometimes, but most of the time he just doesn't take interest in me.
You should tell someone about it, and tell them that it's not just normal sibling rivalry, because that's what most people jump to. I know it's frustrating when adults or parents etc. think that you're exaggerating or lying, I know from experience, but you need to be serious and look them in the eye, and keep pressing on.
Sorry if this wasn't any help.
   
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Re: Brother problems. - September 30th 2012, 08:50 PM

He is older than me, by a year.
I have tried talking to him before, but that just makes him act worse.
We live in a small house, so it is pretty much impossible to ignore him and even if I tried, he wouldn't let me.
I have told my mom before, but she didn't really care. Not that I expected much, she has always cared more about him than any of her other children (and that is not just an assumption, she told me so, on more than one occasion). She no longer lives with us though.
My Dad would probably care, but he wouldn't do anything unless my brother physically harmed me. I wouldn't want to tell him anyway. He has heart problems, having already had 4 heart attacks (2 of which were major). So, I wouldn't want to put any kind of stress on him in fear of him having another.
   
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Re: Brother problems. - October 1st 2012, 04:31 AM

Situations like these you can't get rid of, just know that rumors are nothing. He is a grade above and your friends are in your own grade. Just see those rumors as invisible. I made a bad reputation in 7th grade from silly assumptions or should I say gossips, but I just plowed through 7-8th grade. 7th grade sucked, but 8th grade was decent and I made two close friends then.


What lies ahead is unknown. However, in some times, I've sighted several smooth pavements. I myself am the mender of roads, and it is with these we work on.
   
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Re: Brother problems. - October 1st 2012, 12:33 PM

We are actually in the same grade. and we have a lot of the same interests, so we have the same potential friends. I also cannot go anywhere outside of school to try to make friends without him being there as well.
   
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