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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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ShesNotThere Offline
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Offensive Dad - September 30th 2012, 01:48 AM

My dad is not a bad guy. He loves us, does his part, has his moments. But he also makes a lot of rude, prejudicial, hateful comments. They have varied and he's been making them for awhile. He'll make racist comments or assumptions about a person wearing a headscarf (which he KNOWS will set me off, seeing as my best friend is Muslim), he'll state blatantly homophobic things, and just generally make rude comments about anyone different than "the norm".

I'm usually the only one who voices my opinion. I'll tell him he's being really unfair, mean, hateful, biased, etc. He always laughs it off, says I'm oversensitive, or says that he's right. Never once has he apologized.

If my family members heard the same exact comments from a friend, they'd be angry. But no, because it's my dad, and he's "from a different generation" and "doing it because it will get a rise out of you" it's alright. He gets mildly scolded and we move on.

I've tried keeping my mouth shut, but then it just builds up and I yell at him. He'll be "good" for a couple of days, then start up again.

What am I supposed to do? I won't tolerate what he says, hate is hate no matter how much or why. But every time I stand up to him he just laughs it off, even when I say specifically that he needs to listen.
   
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Re: Offensive Dad - September 30th 2012, 06:10 PM

Hey Sam, my dad is the same way except to a lesser degree, he's constantly commenting about other people's weight in particular (which I find offensive and strange given that one of his best friends was obese and died of a heart attack). If it's something really bad or rude then I'll say something, otherwise I just ignore him because I know it won't do any good. Has he said anything offensive in front of people he's refering to (like has he said anything about people who wear headscarves in front of your Muslim friend?) I know it's frustrating, and you don't feel like he's getting consequences for the stuff that comes out of his mouth, but at the same time, if bringing it up doesn't change him, there isn't much you can do. A few of my other family members are rather racist and demeaning of certain types of people and it's gets to me, but I just ignore it because it isn't worth getting into.


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Re: Offensive Dad - October 1st 2012, 04:54 AM

While my parents aren't that way, my grandparents are and it truly is irritating. You just have to understand that people will always have different opinions than you - no matter how wrong those opinions seem - but you don't have to respect or agree with their opinions.

It sounds like you've talked to him already as well as you can, so the only thing I can think of is to just deal with it. It's his loss to live in a close minded world and just be happy that you aren't prejudicial like him.

Sorry I didn't have any better advice or an awesome full-proof solution. This one is a toughy cause he is your dad and an authority figure in your life.


*Everything happens for a reason.*
   
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