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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Long history of conflict, trying to move on... - October 10th 2012, 12:59 AM

I came to a new school as a freshman, and became friends with this girl, A. She is a very nice, sheltered person, who really does not deal well with conflict. before I knew anything about it, it came to my attention that this boy was interested in me. It turned out he and this girl had dated very briefly in middle school, and though it wasn't a serious relationship, she still wasn't over him. She had told me it was awkward when they dated, yadayada. But long story short, I dated him because I didn't know they had any interest in each other (he was flirting with her apparently), but long story short, me and this guy fell in love and by the time I found out she was hurt over it I had invested a lot of time in the relationship and I didn't know how to bring up the issue. So, her younger sister, who's much different from her, really hated me though she acted like she didn't and acted like she supported my relationship. I would hear time and time again that this girl was saying negative things about me, she would apologize, it would happen again. She had told me a final time that she was sorry and that she supported us dating and whatever... then when he and I had issues, he would arrange through her to see her sister; they never dated and only kissed once, but A really liked him. I had no knowledge of this, and we got back together. Finally, I found out he had cheated on me and led A on quite a bit and I really broke it off, she and I talked and she really made an effort to sort things out between us. We do not have a sour relationship at all, we talk occasionally and hang out in groups, ect. and this guy is out of the picture. However, her sister has said rude things about me from day one, and I have said a thing or two in the past that has gotten back to her I suppose, but not in a very long time. Her and her best friend had been trying to irritate me by making grossed out noises when I walk by or talking to my current boyfriend, who is much better morals and values and has not shown interest, and now they dislike him as well.

Well, I'll get to the real issue--I am in a role modeling program, and their little sister in grade school has been assigned to me. This girl really likes me from the few times she has met me and I think she's a really cool kid. My teacher asked if I knew her and would be comfortable with being matched up with her, and I said yes. However, I felt that A's sister or even their parents might feel uncomfortable about it because maybe I'm not the person they want to know they got in a fight the previous night, or anything that she could say given she is very young. So, I told A despite the fact that confidentiality is a big deal with this program--I didn't know what else to do, because I would be happy to hang out with their little sister but anyway, I just told her that I didn't know if it would be awkward or if her medium aged sister had a problem with it and that they would get a piece of paper telling her parents anyway and that if they wanted to change it or recommend someone else, that was completely okay with me. She told me she didn't see a problem with it and acted surprised about all of it. I just really want to avoid any drama with the middle-aged sister--I have done everything I can to ignore her this year.
   
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Re: Long history of conflict, trying to move on... - October 10th 2012, 05:10 AM

Do you have a question for us? Aside from breaking confidentiality (which I take VERY seriously, given my profession), I'd say you've handled all the conflict as best you can.






   
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Re: Long history of conflict, trying to move on... - October 11th 2012, 12:01 AM

Her parents are going to receive a notification of her being in the program irregardless, and I did tell her sister A not to bring it up yet. I guess I want to resolve this whole situation somehow, but I'm clueless on how to do so.
   
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Re: Long history of conflict, trying to move on... - October 11th 2012, 12:56 AM

So just to be clear, when her parents receive the notification, they still won't know who their daughter's mentor is, right? If that's the case, then there are "exceptions" to confidentiality, in the sense that the little sister you're working with can still tell her parents whatever she wants - including that you're her mentor. Maybe you could encourage the little sister to share this information with her parents, IF she is comfortable doing so.

If she decides to tell them and they're okay with it, then I'm not sure what else you can do from that point on, other than being the best darned mentor you can be! If she decides to tell them and they're NOT okay with it, then you can be assigned to another student and have a better idea of where you stand with the family.

If she doesn't tell her parents... then all you can really do is wait things out. Maybe nothing will happen, or maybe the situation will escalate if/when her parents find out (either from the little sister or "A") - only time will tell. It's not always necessary to act on your thoughts/feelings... sometimes, just standing back and seeing how things unfold is a suitable course of action, even if you're technically not doing anything.






   
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Re: Long history of conflict, trying to move on... - October 11th 2012, 07:54 PM

No, I'm required to send her home with a piece of paper that says like, "Hi my name is such and such, your child has been placed in this program, contact information is as follows... "

So, they'll find out irregardless. That's good advice though, thank you very much!
   
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