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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question Mum getting in the way of my plans - October 11th 2012, 04:35 PM

Last week, on Wednesday when me and my boyfriend always meet at my house, he asked if we could hang out on Thursday at his house and I said sure.
My mum asked on Thursday if I had plans, and when I told her I was going round to my boyfriend's she said something like "It's pouring with rain out there, you'd be mad to go! Your coats aren't exactly the best and the ones that are, are short on you. You're just getting over a cold! Plus I could use some help tidying up..."

I stayed in that night and as a result, I finished tidying in 10 minutes and ended up sitting watching tv all night bored.

Today, she had to take my grandad to a hospital appointment. He talked constantly and she came home saying her head was sore and she wanted to go to bed. She had told him about some Titanic discussion thing that's happening tonight, and she agreed to take him.
Now, she's trying to guilt me into going to it instead, because she's tired. I feel bad for her, but I already said to my boyfriend that I would come round to his to hang out.

I know my mum is tired, but I feel awful for pulling out last minute every Thursday when my boyfriend tries to make plans with me, because of something she's said. She doesn't stop me seeing him on Wednesdays or at the weekend, but she seems to just ignore my plans on days like this.

What should I do?
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Re: Mum getting in the way of my plans - October 11th 2012, 11:19 PM

If Thursdays were the only days you could see your boyfriend, I would understand your frustration; however, since you are able to see him on Wednesdays and weekends as well, I don't think it's entirely unfair for you to stay and help your mom every now and then.

One thing you could do (which has worked well with my family) is to hang a large calendar on your wall (the kind that shows one month at a time and has plenty of room for writing things in the boxes). Place it in the kitchen, so everyone will be forced to walk by it every day (another common area could work as well, but the kitchen pretty much guarantees it will be seen by everyone). When you make plans with your boyfriend, write it down on the calendar, AND tell your mom that you'll be seeing him on such-and-such day. That way, she has absolutely no excuses and can't claim she didn't know you had plans. If she asks you to break those plans, then you two can talk about whether or not it's a fair request on her part... but at least you're both on the same page in regards to your plans. Similarly, your mom can write down HER plans on the calendar as well - so if she needs to pick up your grandfather, you'll both know in advance, and can figure out how to make your two schedules work together.

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boyfriend attention, family drama, feel bad, love, mum, plans, tired parents

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