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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I need help - October 28th 2012, 07:14 PM

This is complicated so I will try to make it simple.

1) a long time ago I was with someone he hurt me emotionally and I cut off all contact when I got together with my new girlfriend and figured out I was gay.

2) now his step father contacted me via Facebook wanting me to talk to him because of him being sick and wanting me to be a friend

He hurt me by saying things that never should be said to another person let alone a girl. What should I do? Keep him cut off? Call him?
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Re: I need help - October 28th 2012, 08:03 PM

That is entirely up to you. On one hand, just because someone's sick now doesn't mean it erases the hurtful things they did in the past. On the other hand, you said this was "a long time ago." He may have changed since then and regrets what he said to you.

Weigh the pros and cons. If you contact him, it may bring up those painful memories again, but you may also be able to receive closure and/or reconcile with him. You can always talk to him once, then cease contact with him if he hasn't changed. If you don't contact him, things will remain the same, for better or worse (you can avoid being hurt again, but you may always wonder what could have happened if you had talked to him).






   
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Re: I need help - October 28th 2012, 08:45 PM

I totally agree with Robin (PSY) above.

This is 100% your choice; and I feel that you should let others (his dad, friends, etc) dictate that you talk to him. It sound's like the relationship you had with him wasn't a healthy one, so why take the chance of getting hurt again, or just dealing with the verbal abuse? I find that in most cases a unhealthy relationship (especially one filled with verbal, psychical, and/or sexual abuse) won't magically become healthy just because there was a time gap in-between. It will only change if he is willing to change it (and don't look at his words, pay attention to his actions. Has he REALLY changed?). Usually the second time around in an unhealthy relationship is worse than the first.

I think that you should sit down and do a pros and cons list (like PSY said). Weigh your options. I think you know what option I would pick if I was in your situation (which would be to walk away and keep all ties between you two cut). But just because I would pick that, doesn't mean you should. Give both options alittle thought, and see what you think.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: I need help - October 29th 2012, 09:34 PM

If I do contact him it will be a friendship not a relationship in anyway, I will stay with my girlfriend and I am gay
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